Calling CPS
It has been suggested to me by a friend that I should call CPS on BM.
This friend once had a severe depression and drug problem, abandoned her husband and children and is now clean and sober, non-custodial and works her ass off to pay child support and commute up into the mountains to see her boys every other week for a 5 day visit. She spends her time in meetings, working and visiting her children.
She has known the whole story with our BM - and it mirrors her own many years ago. My friend is always telling me to pray for BM and that BM is sick and needs help.
I relayed a story to friend about how BM was drunk during a recent visit, was mad at SS, SS14 told us (after the fact) that they argued because she was drunk and that he "cussed her out".
Anyway, Friend suggested I call CPS. But what would that do? And how do I do it? Say I'm an anonymous person, she just moved in to the apartment, I've heard her drunk and screaming at her kid?
Will this do anything? Will it get our house under investigation as well? (I'm going through a huge remodel, new baby, new job and don't think I can handle additional stress). And will it create more court appointments?
Anyone with experience with this?
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Comments
We called CPS on BM and it
We called CPS on BM and it did nothing. She spoke with us, the skids, and even BM. The skids confirmed the physical and mental abuse against them and their mother's partner and still nothing. She said they couldn't do anything because the incidents occurred in the past (skids were told to be quiet about what was going on). We didn't even get a report in the mail. She did tell DH that she agreed that the kids needed a break from BM but that was it. She did look around our house and in our refrigerator and freezer.
She kept everything anonymous though. BM called and asked who called CPS on her and DH played dumb.
I am not trying to discourage you from calling because it may help in your case, but just wanted to relay what happened in our situation.
If SS is 14, he can handle
If SS is 14, he can handle himself and is old enough to call you guys to come get him if he needs help. Just reassure him that he can always call and you will always be there for him. I would leave the state out of it. If he was a young child, this would be different.
Good on your friend for
Good on your friend for turning her life around. That's terrific on her part
We dealt with this while going through things with bm-in CA, no less. You likely will have to undergo some questioning, and they will likely send someone over to your house to check it out. It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. Just be honest, and show them the documentation you have on bm. They might ask to talk with ss.
Here's how you report bm to CPS and links you should read closely:
http://www.childsworld.ca.gov/res/pdf/CPSEmergNumbers.pdf
http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/cdssweb/pg93.htm
http://www.cdss.ca.gov/cdssweb/PG20.htm
http://www.childsworld.ca.gov/PG1327.htm
http://ssa.ocgov.com/abuse/child/making
http://ssa.ocgov.com/abuse/child/confidentiality
http://ssa.ocgov.com/abuse/child/after (this describes what can happen after the report)
If CPS isn't stepping up, here's where you can go for info on how to file a complaint: http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/cdssweb/PG22.htm
I think sometimes we (as a
I think sometimes we (as a society) look to agencies/government to fix the crazy because it's just so outside of normal.
But often they don't.
My opinion is that the best action is to arm yourselves with information, coaching, and perspective. In the OP's case, SS needs education about healthy, normal relationships - with friends, with parents. He needs coaching about how to handle his mom to keep him out of the caretaker/friend role. And he needs the perspective to 'get' that there's something not all there with his mom.
CPS won't do anything because his life isn't in danger. And even then.
Don't bother, CPS will do
Don't bother, CPS will do nothing. At most, they will suggest parenting classes & they will most definitely want to speak to DH via a home visit. If you have an ongoing custody case or plan to have one in the future, the judge probably won't even care about a CPS report even if something is found. Also, in some states it is a crime to make a false report on someone, so you could get in trouble if BM decided to fight back. And BM's almost always go the route of calling CPS on the other parent as payback- I believe alot of STalkers have experienced that.
in our situation, BM left severe bruises & deep scratch marks on SD then 4. CPS was called by a preschool employee, not DH or I. They investigated, the charges were substantiated, BM ordered to parenting classes/anger mgmt. That's it. DH was also questioned & our home inspected. CPS testified on our behalf in court, we had pics, doctor's note to verify injuries, etc. Nothing changed & judge could not have cared less. Oh, and BM called CPS on us as well as reported DH's business to a state agency (think health dept) as payback even though we had done nothing. So 6 months of headaches dealing with all this crap & not one person cared about the 4 yr old who was beaten except DH, our family & a preschool teacher. Sad.
I called cps on my sons
I called cps on my sons bio(no longer in pic now anyway since DH adopted him). My son was also in counseling. The counsler and BSs doc called too and they did nothing and we are talking about possible sexual abuse and inappropreat conduct around him. However due to a couple of recent deaths that wouldn't have happened if cps had done their damn job our state has kicked it up and being forced to investigate a lot more reports and do longer more in depth investigations.