How would you feel ?
How would you feel if your DH family talked to the BM all the time and supported the BM. But left DH and you out in the cold.
Lets just say BM is on myspace, on her buddy list is most of DH family. Now mind you she doesn't call, write or even see the skids at all. BM choice to abandon her kids. BM and DH court order states BM call every other day and get them for a week over x-mas vaction. But BM doesn't do any of it. But DH family talks to her all the time.
DH mother has stated to me that she is more a part of the family than I. Because she has kids with DH and I don't. It doesn't matter that I have raised these kids with DH over the past 9 years. I get no credit, and my DH gets no support.
My family supports us, thank god.
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Total dysfunction, MW...
Wow, you have A LOT on your plate...
Sometimes "Birds of a feather flock together", and it seems that, as LOONEY as BM is, DH's family is just as bad. YOU ARE the responsible one here, so it's no WONDER they can't identify with YOU. They seem like they are totally irresponsible and
uncaring.
I really give you credit for doing so much for SD as it is CLEAR that she has major issues....MANY people would have walked a long time ago.
And, to HELL with DH's family; if they don't want to support you, you have YOUR family and your NEW ST support buddies.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank god
I am so glad I have ST support family. I'm starting to feel better. I've been alone with DH on this road for so long, that it is good to get it all out. I thank you all for the support.
And KK's tag line down there says it all.
Don't let them make you feel inferior. You don't have to let them!
Though I must admit it always shocks me when someone in DH's family talks about how much they miss her, etc.
His mom used to keep pictures of her on this adorable little family tree thing. One day I just slipped her big head right off the family tree. A few visits later I replaced it with my picture. You know what, not one of them has even noticed! LOL!
It hurts and sucks when the family isn't there for you.
Stepmomjen
That was good, Sometimes it's the little things that count.
She has
obviously manipulated them to!!!I wouldnt worry about them to much as long as your dh sticks up for you and him.Maybe they will come around when they know that your skids grew up normal.
Manipulated them in to feeling sorry for her
Girl - my FH was never even married to the BM and they broke up when she was a couple of months pregnant with sd16. Yes they have been broken up for 16 YEARS and the BM is at his parents house for every flippin xmas and thanksgiving. In their eyes she can do no wrong. This started when sd was about 6 or 7 before my FH used to take her all the time but then he started working out of state a lot and would come back once a mth to see his daughter and that is when the BM swooped in and started making the rounds with SD so they think she is mom of the year and his SILs include her in everything because their kids are all the same age and go to the same pricey school (that my FH pays for!) together. My Fh has told them he does not want her there that he can't stand her and he should be able to bring his kid around when HE wants and they are like well if it wasn't for BM we wouldn't get to see SD as much and we are REALLY THANKFUL TO HER. His OWN MOTHER doesn't understand why he can't be there for xmas and thanksgiving if she is there. He tried for a couple of years but got so disgusted he would stay for an hour and leave. She is more a part of his OWN family then he is. She is a manipulative controlling bitch and treats(ed) my FH like crap but of course he doesn't tell them the truth about her anymore cuz they don't believe him! They think she is mom of the year and in over 16 years she has never had another BF. She is a complete loser and looks like martha dumptruck from heathers. If that doesn't take the cake I don't know what does. So because of that my FH barely talks to anyone in his family unless it is about his parents health - that is IT. I went there 4mths ago to meet my in-laws for the first time and BM crashed our dinner party that she was not invited to and it was awkward for everyone and we just left. So I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I'm just glad we live far away from these people and I don't care if I am ever close to them or not and I could care less if they even come to my wedding!. AAACK!
well
we have the kids so it's not the fact that they want to see the kids. His mom is off the wall. She fits right in with the BM. DH talks to his mother now and then because his dad's health. that is the only reason. they live in WV thank god. The BM lives in AZ.
Ema that is terrible!
Meeting them for the first time and she crashes the party. 16 years and no other man, what do you suppose this woman does for sex because c'mon, 16 years is a long long long lonley time!
to much stepmomjen
LOL, I love your spunk. no wonder the stock is up for energizers. LOL
Jen you crack me up
Maybe she is a closet lesbian? But I don't think she has any friends either. Her life is being SD16s mother. Some guy would have to really drunk off his ass to have sex with her anyway. She probably has a good relationship with rubber if you know what I mean. My FHs parents were supposed to drop off SD but she showed up 3/4s of the way through dinner supposedly to pick up SD - the whole table went silent. The all go to church together as well!!! So the family left to meet me and my FH - sort of a happy engagement party - she was not invited and she just stood there. his family didn't say a word to her she was just standing off in the corner with sd - we were in a semi-private room. My FH hates the site of her and we left to show his family WE will not tolerate her presence. AACK!
Sorry M - not trying to jack your post or anything chica
I think this is an issue a lot of us face
My mother remained good friends with my dad's family after they divorced and they are all still good friends. This didn't make my stepmother feel good at all. So my dad had a heart-to-heart with his family, saying he has no problem with them being friends with my mom, and my mom's being friends with them, and can understand why they're having a difficult time accepting my stepmother (because my dad cheated on my mom with her), but there are boundaries that need to be respected. He told them, if you want to remain friends with my ex, that's your decision and that's great, but you need to a) do it on your own time, b) not bring up your activities and conversations with my ex around my wife, c) not invite my ex to family events (my mom never accepted those invitations, btw, because she knew that with my dad's remarrying new boundaries would come into play and it wouldn't be appropriate), d) you don't have to be friends with my wife but I do expect you to treat her in a civil manner and include her in family gatherings (my stepmother didn't and still does not show any interest in being friends with my dad's family). The bottom line is that you can't tell others whom they can be friends with, but reasonable boundaries must be in place and enforced. If they choose to be friends with BM, there's nothing you can do about it, but your BF/DH can make sure that reasonable boundaries such as the ones my father created are in place, enforce them, and make sure you are treated with civility and respect.
I'd be hurt
Thankfully my BF's family hates the BM. Has your DH tried talking to his family about this and let them know that it is disrespectful. If not, then maybe he should do that.
Yes he has
Yes my DH has talked to them. But some reason his mom thinks she is god and she makes the rules. He should lissen and follow along.
but DH is strong willed and fights back. His mom will not except my Bio sons as part of the family we have. for example Christmas she will send stuff for the Skids, but not for my bio sons.
But my mother will send stuff for all four kids. wether it's bio or step. DH mother is a wack job.
I can support her grandchildren along with my Bio boys. Thats ok. But she doesn't except me or my Bio boys.
I don't bother with her at all anymore. Then she turns around and ask my DH why I hate her. He tells her the truth. I do hate her, I won't lie. It's hard enough trying to be a step parent without the added stress of the DH family. They don't help.
My parents divorced when I was 5. DH parents are still together.
So my mother understands how hard it is.
Know how you feel...
I have given up going to DH's family functions, he has too for the past couple of years for the same reason. I never felt welcome, they wouldn't know my last name and wouldn't come to my funeral! And we've been together nearly 10 years. But I do know they keep in contact with BM so good luck to them all I say. The last time I went was to DH's sisters wedding where they had invited BM but never told us!! It was uncomfortable and a shock because we didn't know she'd be there. On the flip side my family has totally and utterly welcomed DH and I think at times he feels embarrassed by the difference.
Dang
If i were in that boat i would probably not attend any family functions. I wouldn't give them the opportunity to make a fool of me or berate me either.
Hell it would make for less stress.
Ouch!
Im sorry to hear that,
That is hurtful and she sound like a very ignorant person
You say that it is on BM's myspace, do yourself a favor and never look at BM myspace again. Its just not worth your time and it will just piss you off. My mom accepted my ss with open arms and considers him a grandchild.
You have your family and that is what is important.
My I-Ls accept me but that is about it.
We (wife, SS and I)have very little in common with my wife's family. We interface with them and they interface with us but they do not really comprehend our lives so they pretty much are non participatory. We go visit them periodically and spend a holiday with them every couple of years but they make no effort to come visit us. (except for her youngest brother).
As for BioDad, my SS is more a member of my family than his. God protect the person who would have the nerve to tell my parents, my brother (S-I-L), niece and nephews that my son (SS) is not their family. When SS is on visitation to the SpermFamily he gets a lot of crap about how he does not need the things he has, how it is more important for him to want to visit the Sperms than go to school, and how it is not fair that he has more than his half sibs and his "Dad" and on and on and on.
As for my wife, I think my parents like her more than they like me!
My wife has commented many times that she is closer to my parents than her own and considers them far more of an example and mentors than her own parents.
So, I have some inkling of what you have to live with as far as your I-Ls are concerned. Not nearly to the extent you live it but I do understand.
Hang in there, even the stupid people have a chance of catching a clue eventually.
Best regards,