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Going home to visit family, wife wants her son to go

dmorgan's picture

Submitted by dmorgan on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 9:09pm

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Blended Family Issues

I'm not from The United States, but I live here and am married. My stepson is 5 and my own daughter is 1.

We're going home to visit this year, and my wife's ex said he isn't going to sign a passport so the stepson can go too, which is his right. My wife has been pleading with him to let him come but he's saying no. I'm one of those step parents where I'm in the position that I don't love my stepson, and I regret getting into this whole thing. He has hyperactive sensory processing disorder problems and we can't even go out to a restaurant and eat without him wanting to run around the whole restaurant, be loud and generally be an embarrassment.

I don't want him to go with us. She has been pleading with her ex to let the stepson go, but he is saying no, thankfully. But it may not last, he may give in. I know I probably sound like a horrible person, and my wife thinks of both her kids as the same which they genetically are, but I don't consider him my son, and do not love him. I don't even like him most of the time.

I told her tonight that we are going to stick with the plan we originally had (us and our baby), and of course she wants to know why I don't want the stepson to go.

I don't know what to do, but I don't want to spend thousands to go back and have him ruin my holiday.

dmorgan's picture

Submitted by dmorgan on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 9:42pm

Thanks for being understanding dozyblnd. If the wife keeps asking his father to sign a passport, I'll mention the things like him getting to spend more time with his son.

I just really needed to vent this, and I guess it is the tagline for this forum lol.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Sun, 01/13/2013 - 10:49pm

I can imagine she feels like he's being left out and of course would want your SS to get to see your family as well, but I can see your position his dad is not wanting to let him go and even if he changed his mind oh the bullshit he could cause you when you go to leave. Then you have the sensory disorder, plane travel I'd assume? Travel alone can be sensory overload to any kid, add in a disorder and it's chaos. I can't count how many times getting on a plane I've watched mom's dose up their kids with benadryl to sleep on the flight. Heck I offered it to my kids they both said yes after our movie. DD ended up sound asleep without it and ds asked for his after 4 hours on the plane realizing we had 5 more to go.
Try to find ways to explain to your wife why without it being about you and your SS's relationship. dtzy had some good suggestions.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 9:02am

I can only imagine with horror this kid on a 15 hour flight and you spending your whole "vacation" yelling and chasing this kid. If somehow it does come to be I'd cancel the trip. Sprain an ankle or something - no way should you take this kid.

I had a step-kid with that problem and it was a nightmare at home set aside away from home.

Call the boys father and tell him this: "If you tell (wife's name) of this call I'll have to say you're lying but it is not a good idea for someone with hyper.....etc to be in my country. They do not understand and I'm afraid he will come to some harm". That should harden his resolve.

While in your birth country can you get a quick divorce?

dmorgan's picture

Submitted by dmorgan on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 4:49pm

Wow, thanks for all the responses. The total travel time is close to 24 hours and to be honest I think our 1 year old (she will be 2 at the time) will cope better than him because he cannot sit still.

Also a divorce is probably out of the question because I want to see my daughter all the time, and we all know how the legal system in the US is towards fathers in divorce situations.