Prepare to be Steptalk bombed

OK, I in fact LOVE my SS. I adore him. But for those that have made the statement that they "HATE" their stepchild, this is a place to VENT. Sometimes people say things they don't really mean when they are venting... right? I know I do.

I have a 4 year old nephew. I LOVE MY SISTER, but I can't stand her son. He doesn't listen, he is BAD. He is a BAD KID and I would rather shove a fork in my eye than have to deal with him on any kind of a regular basis. If you DARE tell him to be quiet, like during my nieces wedding last weekend, for example, my sister and BIL (his parents) were performing the ceremony (they are pastors) so nephew was sitting with me and my mom. Tell him to be quiet and he just talks LOUDER. My mom had to miss half of her granddaughters wedding to take him outside (I would have done it, but I had the bride and grooms baby in my arms). It was terrible and embarassing. I could imagine, that if this child HAD a Stepmom, she would have the potential to "hate" him. Or at least say that she did. He's a little jerk, even at age 4.

I'm suprised at how many people come here every other month and say that. Hi sometimes some kids are hateable cause they're raised that way and it's exhausting to someone who gives a damn watch bios not.

It is a venting site, and for the most part I would hope that when people say "hate" in reference to young children they are really hating the behaviour and not the child. I suspect that most of us jump on here when our emotions are high. Not when we have calmed down and things are fine. If that was the cases the writings would often be different.

That being said, I do agree with you. I "HATE" it myself when I read anyone hates a child.

However in my heart of hearts, I believe there would be very few out there who really hate the child. Most of us take a while to wake up to who the real problem is, the parent. Most of the people more than likely just hate the behaviour.

But seriously I had only adult steps and my husband's daughter is evil and I do not use that word loosely and I am not in a bad mood or had a bad Christmas. That 30 year old woman tried for 8 years to make her father leave me because she wanted his wallet. Her last desperate attempt to get him away was to get pregnant. She thought daddy would leave me once "special daughter" had her child. Well he didn't. So she went to her 89 year old grandfather, a man she had all but ignored for as long as I have known her. Now here is the result of her handywork.

My husband no longer speaks to his sons. She caused trouble between them.

Worse than that. My husband's father is 89. He had bowel cancer surgery last year. Now he has spots on his liver. He stopped speaking to me almost a year ago because I could take no more of her and told her not to come back to my home. Then he at the same time barely spoke to his son. My DH. This piece of work has punished her daddy by destroying his entire family.

This Christmas for the first time ever DH has not spoken to anyone in his family. His father is 89 his may easily be the last Christmas he has and this is how it will end.

All because this woman wanted things her own way and when she didn't get them, she destroyed.

Do I hate her, no, don't care about her at all really. DO I hate what she has done to my husband, myself and this family. Damn straight I do. Do I hope I get to see how big the Karma bus is when it runs her over, well it would be nice. But suffice to say, if I was her I'd be terriffied of the future because you cannot do the things this woman has done and leave this earth without paying.

We all have things happening in our lives that we may or may not express eloquently. But this is a VENTING site. We have to get it out somewhere or go insane. Judging people on here is not always helpful. Especially if the really did hate the child. Beause if they do what they need is support and understanding, and that support and understanding they get here, may very well be the thing that saves that child. If you want to help the child. Support the parent.

Sorry Ms Peterson... if its wrong to hate someone who has caused soooo much pain to your SO. To hate someone who refuses to talk to their father "until you give mum what she wants" and hate them when they cause your SO to cry himself to sleep at night then....OK. I'm wrong.
Must be lovely in your world of sunshine, castles and rainbows. Sadly most of us who "hate" our steps don't have the same happy all the time world.
My proudest moment of the last few days has been when my SO told his spoilt manipulative brat that he wasn't buying him a car. "Sorry... I don't reward bad behaviour"
So I guess I'm a hater... :?

OP is just stating her observation/opinion. Anytime anyone has the nerve to point out that some of the stories/blog's posted on here could be considerd cruel, abusive, petty, & filled with jealousy, bullying and bitterness towards their skids they are torn a new one. To be honest many times i have felt the same way about some of the things ive read... Definitely not all and some are quite obvious just harmless venting... But there are a few where it seems the SP is the problem not the skid! Whether you agree or not OP has just as much right to post her view as anyone else does.

I'm not sure what ASSumption I made (your play on words was so funny I almost laughed
Clearly you thought I was someone else.

I guess its OK to be nasty here if you ASSume you know who someone is??
I'm sorry... I get enough crap in my real life.
Don't need to take it here as we'll...enjoy your private empire ladies.
I'm out.

I hate and detest my SS15yo. And I feel terrible about it. But it doesn't change the fact that he has made my life a living hell for the past 7 years. OP you ask why stick around, I do because I love my DH more than I hate my SS. Doesn't make it any easier but it means there is some light at the end of the tunnel, because in 3 years SS will be out of our home and we can finally enjoy our loves like we were meant to. I think demanding someone 'mature' is a little out of line, I think there has to be a great deal of maturity in staying in a step family - it is hard work that requires a lot of give and take.

I honestly dont know whether I "hate" my ss14. Hate, to me, is a really strong emotion, and truthfully I dont know if I care enough about him to "hate" him. He no longer resides with me-but when I see his picture unexpectedly I know I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Is that hate? I dont know. When he lived with us earlier this year for 4 months did I hate him? No, I dont think so-there may have been moments I felt that I hated him, but no, to me hate is an emotion that eats up on the inside and while I think I may have approached that during his time with us-I dont think I was totally overcome with that particular emotion.

AS far as others on here "hating" their skid? I dont know that either. It's not really up to me to decipher that. As you can see, I have a hard enough time trying to determine my own emotions much less assessing and then judging some anonymous person's feelings on a message board. I am guessing that they have conflicting emotions at times as well and perhaps are not sure what they feel. Some of what you see here is people at there darkest, lowest moments. I've had a few of those. And I've got t tell you that it helped me immensely to be able to come here and type in words that I've always wanted to say, every angry, nasty thought that crossed my mind and have people actually understand and support me. Many, many times this spewing of anger here has prevented me from venting that anger toward anyone IRL. But is helps to have someone say, "It's ok, I get where you are at" and know that you are not some crazy, coldhearted bitch-but a real human being who is entitled to your emotions.

Ive had people help me think of things in ways that I had not thought of them before. I dont necessarily agree with what everyone says all the time, but I always appreciate any post that makes me think and is not meant in malice.

I think the problem here is that you are talking about that which you dont know anything about. Until you've lived some of these problems you really cannot imagine the hell some of us have gone through. So it seems malicious for you to post your thoughts to all of us that are going through significantly painful situations.

For the record, I met my ss when he was 1. I loved him very much when he was a child, treated him as my own. Apparently things went horribly wrong to leave me considering that I might hate him at 14. I've been here for the long haul and dont come to my feelings lightly. Also for the record, I have never told my ss that I hated him, nor have I ever told my dh. I have told both that I do not like the things that he does.

hmmm, I wouldn't say I hate my SS. In fact deep down I do love him to some degree but my ability to mother him and like him like my own children is just not there and I'd be lying if I said he didn't sometimes annoy me so much that I feel like I hate him. Unless you've been through it, I guess it's hard to understand. This is a place for step parents to vent so that should say it all.