Is there a magic wand?
Forums:
Anyone want to wave the magic wand and make the step children disappear or is it just me?
If so why I am interested of I am the only one in this situation
If not what yours?
And does anyone have any advice on how to make their partner see it our way as well, with getting mad and staring a fight. ?
Ok! I don't wish him dead
Ok! I don't wish him dead never! That's not what I'm saying at all. When I say magic wand I mean the problems that come because of him. In my last post I said I don't want me stepson and how can I change that feeling. I don't want to be his mom which is what my husband it trying to make me be. If I don't look at Skid a certain way, if I don't tend to him right away, if my not breaking my damn neck to make skid happy then I am a bad person and how dare I? So yeah if I could wave a wand and make it all go away then I would. All I want it to have a real marriage that isn't based on a 2 year old all of the time I love my husband I want us to be happy and enjoy the baby we just had but no we can't god he does even treat them the same it's like his son is on some pedastool, but why they are both his children. He talks about his son all the time. We go into a store if someone say our daughter is cute them he says "yeah, we have a son he is cute to he looks just like my wife" no he doesn't he isn't even mine. So yeah when I say I don't want him I mean in my marriage and I don't want custody. Magic wand I mean the same thing the problems he cause for me.
And as far as the choices I made I never said I didn't help put myself in this situation but for the year and a half my husband and I talked before we go married he was never like this ever he left his son at home with his mother he didn't talk about him much it was how much he lived me and what we were going to do and when we would talk about his son he would say its better for a child to be in the mother custody, so I never thought in a million years I would be in this situation.
Hahaha! I'm sure everyone has
Hahaha! I'm sure everyone has thought this at some point, though many won't admit it! As for trying to talk about skid issues without your partner getting angry - it is tough. In my experience it took years before DH finally caught on to the crap SD was pulling. There were a few things that were obvious, and when I brought actual statistics and professional articles on the subjects, he was more responsive, but for most issues it seemed that no matter how logically and rationally I explained things to him, he refused to admit there was any problem with her behaviour. I think women are much better at detecting manipulation than men, so it's hard for the men to just "take our word for it" when they can't see it themselves. Plus, their natural reaction is to defend their child, of course. It wasn't until DH started hearing the same thing from everyone in SD's life (her mom, her step-dad, DH's mom, SD's teachers, etc.) that he finally started to listen to me. Now we're almost always on the same page and these discussions are way easier. But it usually takes irrefutable proof that you're not "just out to get the skids" or jealous or whatever for the Bioparent to start to let down their defenses, unfortunately.
In my case my step child is 2
In my case my step child is 2 and does know what is going on so its not him directly its his father
You'll just make yourself
You'll just make yourself miserable with that line of thinking. I've been there for months. Ruminating in it. I am facing the ugly acceptance phase at the moment. My therapist says there are two choices only: accept the facts and change your attitude about things or leave the situation.
I have been trying to think of my skids as people on their own journey lately. When they walk in and ignore me, I think to myself, they must be feeling pretty terrible that instead of coming home to their mom, another skinnier, prettier woman they barely know is here. Plus, back at their other house, they have to share a room, they have a new step brother, their mom has a new husband....who probably is kissing their ass though to impress them but still. They seem to not like my cooking, and have no problem telling me, but I won't take offense to that anymore. My daughter probably would not like another woman's cooki g either. I am guessing she would be way more polite then them, but they didn't have a mother like me to raise them. They had a ding dong (BM) of a mother...who never washes their clothes, tells them to bathe, reminds them to study, and things like that. She does not teach them manners, and this is why they are rude and selfish....they know no better.
This Christmas I pray that I can have more patience and understanding for these kids. I don't want to be miserable anymore.
http://www.steptogether.org/d
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html