I can so relate!! Story of my life married to DH! Bad thing is, SD15 learned from BM, so she also expects DH to just give in and do things her way all the time!

Before SD15 moved in with us, BM would pull crap all the time...no, she did not want DH or me to pick up SD15 on our way home from work Friday night when it would work out great for us! DH had to go pick up SD15 at 8 am Saturday morning!! BM's house is 20 miles from ours, but right on route between where DH worked at the time and my old office! Even now that SD15 lives with us...now, DH has to drive all the way home to get SD15 and drive her back out to BM's on a Friday night when she goes over there, and then, when the plan is to pick up SD15 after we are done with church AND lunch, BM or SD15 will text while we are eating lunch saying not to pick up SD15 until 6 pm...so we either drive all the way home to waste gas driving back out to get SD15, or we have to hang out in the general area of BM's house until SD15 is finally ready to leave, when I just want to get out of church clothes and relax!

I've told him multiple times, if he is going to be required to provide all the transportation all of the time, he needs to put his foot down and make them stick to a schedule that fits better with us, so that gas isn't wasted, and we don't have to do crap like walk around a crowded mall waiting for SD15 to be ready to go home!

If Daddy is seeing his kid every other weekend expect him to try and spend as much time with her as he can. Practicality has nothing to do with it. He knows full well she'll be gone in a few years, a very few. If you can't deal with it I certainly understand and recommend you move him back out.

When she is fully on her own after high school you two can what you wish.

Same here..BM is constantly switching around the schedule for her convenience..Im so sick of it as well. She tried making ME watch the boys since SO is out of town for awhile WORKING TO PAY HER CS- she doesn't want boys and wont deviate from the schedule so he has to drive home every night (2 hour drive) to keep to his schedule as per her demand...
SICKENING it is..

We never allowed deviation from the visitation schedule. If the Sperm Idiot and SPerm Clan chose not to take their CO'd time for any reason, they lost it. If they could not afford to pay for the SKid to them or for half of the roundtrip ticket, tough shit. If they wanted him when the three younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs were out of school for Spring Break instead of the Skid's actual spring break, tough shit he was not missing school to make things convenient for the Sperm Clan. The CO was clear. No make up time if they failed to take their scheduled time. Because any time we gave an inch they would immediately attempt to manipulate for more we learned to hold them strictly to the CO.

On one occasion after 911 when the airlines canceled travel for unaccompanied minors we did give them some or our Christmas holiday time since we were traveling to Sperm Land to visit my ILs anyway. Of course they played their usual toxic bullshit and immediately started to manipulate that we should give the kid to them for our entire visit with my ILs since we would get the time they could not take because they were too F-in lazy or broke to buy two tickets to return the SKid home after the visitation. Not our problem.

So we told them to STFU and take the week we offered or they would get nothing. Their choice.

Your DH needs to learn to say NO!!!! and "Sorry XW, we can't do that right now."

For the early several years of our marriage my wife was much like your DH. She did not want to rock the boat with the Sperm Clan because she was afraid they would take it out on the Skid when he was on Sperm Land visitation. They took it out on him anyway but it took a while for me to get my bride to gain clarity on the facts of their vitriolic toothless moron manipulative BS. She also had guilt over us taking vacations when he was on Sperm Land visitation. I finally booked a trip and told her I was going with her or alone because I was tired of not enjoying the summers because SS was not with us. I told her if we did something that was interesting and enjoyable enough we could do it again when SS got home from Sperm Land.

Finally she learned to embrace our Skid free time so we could enjoy adult focused activities as a couple without the guilt of not having SS with us.

Let your DH know that you expect him to hold BM to the CO'd schedule unless there is a true emergency. BM and her next husband having the sniffles is not an emergency. DH needs to tell his XW to suck it up and welcome her to the wonderful world of parenting in the realm of reality.

IMHO of course.

The bad thing about it all in our case, is that it has taught SD15 that a planned out schedule means nothing. Now that she is living with us, because dear daddy has always made concessions with visits in the past, she now expects those concessions for EVERYTHING! DH literally has to be by his phone whenever SD15 goes anywhere, because everything has to be on her schedule, and when she texts that she is ready to be picked up is when she wants picked up! This is how she was taught over the years while living with BM. So, SD15 will go to the boyfriend's, and DH will try to get a definite time from her to pick her up. They set a time, but sure enough, about 30 minutes - 1 hour before the time, DH will get a text saying that plans have changed and she needs to be picked up later. No, she doesn't ASK if she can say later, she tells him she is staying later, or has the boyfriend's mom text DH and say she is staying later!! DH lets her get away with this crap, so this is the way it is!

When will he grow a pair? More like, when will he fish them out of the princess' purse, because I'm sure that is where my DH's are most of the time!