Ugh!
First I'd like to thank everybody for the advice I've received on this forum. Not just in the few posts I've made but also in the posts I've read from other people. Being a step parent is much more difficult than I thought it would be.
My latest frustration is the step kids having free reign of the house 24/7. They do whatever they want whenever they want. The most recent being the 17 year old SS. Last night he didn't come down for dinner, he was in his room watching youtube videos or something (that's all these kids do). So at 11:40pm DW and I are just getting in bed and I hear noises coming from the kitchen, DW ignores it and goes to sleep. Thinking someone might just be getting a drink of water or something I listen to it for 10 minutes. When the noise continues I go see what it is. There is SS making sandwiches. I told him that it is not a 24 hour self serve kitchen and that he needs to eat when everyone else eats and not in the middle of the night. He said "I'm sorry you feel that way but it's all made now". I told him no more helping yourself in the kitchen at midnight and I went to bed.
When I was growing up I ate when I was fed and I ate what I was fed if I liked it or not. I didn't eat whenever and whatever I wanted.
So this morning I told DW what happened and that I had told him not to do it again and she just said "why?". I told her that if he can't eat when it's time to eat that's his problem and he doesn't need to be making his own dinner at midnight. She just rolled her eyes and walked away. Ugh!
That is because your spouse
That is because your spouse doesn't think there is anything wrong with that previous snowflake eating whatever he wants whenever he wants. I was raised the same way you were but, you can fight tooth and nail with your spouse she most likely won't budge because there is nothing wrong with son's behavior or their parenting style.
Yeah, I thought about that. I
Yeah, I thought about that. I didn't want to start a big fight in the middle of the night and thought a warning might be best for now, and now that I know I might not have the backing of his Mom it could all be futile.
The next time SS disrespects
The next time SS disrespects your wishes the wifi password changes. For every offense he gets to spend 2-5 days without Internet access. The little punk will be at the dinner table at dinner time in no time.
I've done that before but he
I've done that before but he has unlimited data on his phone and the phone is on his fathers account.
Wow. That's a tough one. I
Wow. That's a tough one. I had a similar problem with my SS when he was about the same age. At the time (years ago) we lived in a small 2/2 apartment and there wasn't anywhere I could go to get away from the kid. I also often worked from home and spent a LOT of time buried in our bedroom because it was the only way I could get away from the noise and the mess.
I fear that your wife isn't going to support the shutdown of the all night smorgasbord.
You've now set the rules in your own home which you are entitled to do. Expect a few late nights of uncomfortable conversations where you have to confiscate his contraband. You need a good night's sleep to provide for your family. That's hardly possible with someone banging around your kitchen. And, I'm sure he cleaned up after himself, did his dishes and didn't leave insect attracting leftovers/dishes in his room, right?
If he did clean up you would be ahead of me in similar situations past. Most of these millenial snowflakes have no idea what discipline or consequences look like. Nevermind back when you and I were raised if you popped off on your parent at/around dinner time you went straight to your room with a growling tummy.
I guess I'll be devil's
I guess I'll be devil's advocate. As long as he cleans up the mess, who cares. My son is 18 and he often doesn't eat with us. He's at work during dinner time 3 nights a week. Some nights SO and I go out so there might not even be anything made. Some nights we make stuff he doesn't like and we know he doesn't like it.
I honestly would not care if my son made sandwiches at midnight as long as he cleaned it up. And he always does.
That is what I was thinking.
That is what I was thinking. He is old enough to eat and clean up after himself. A sandwich isn't a big deal as long as the kid didn't make a mess and not clean it up. I think there is a bigger issue here. Maybe the kid is eating food that OP buys and he feels that the kid shouldn't be allowed to eat whatever he wants without asking who knows. I lock up all food and drinks that I don't want my skids to eat or drink if they want some of what I lock up they have to ask otherwise it will be gone in one day. Kids eat parents out of house and home.
Thankfully my son is pretty
Thankfully my son is pretty good about buying food and we ask them to put stuff they like on the list. So I guess my kids pretty much know what's is theirs. I usually make a list in the summer of everything we have that is easy for them to make themselves while we are at work but I didn't this year. I think they have it figured out without my list.
The ONLY problem I would have is if they were eating stuff that was for recipes, but I'll fully admit my kids are way to lazy to actually cook raw meat or veggies so that's never an issue.
Also, I'll also admit that if my 11 yo DD were doing this, she probably wouldn't clean up the mess and I would be irritated. I like to wake up to a clean kitchen.
ETA - I often come home from work to a dirty kitchen from DD. Grrrrr.
Same, my DS cooks late at
Same, my DS cooks late at night and is as quiet as possible and cleans up after himself. The only reason we know he's at it is sometimes you can smell the food but it's not bothersome.
Every time I see DS or DD
Every time I see DS or DD cooking something, I think "That's one less thing I have to cook." LOL. Often, DS gets DD to cook for them both during the day but it's usually limited to homemade egg mcmuffins.
We have dinner every night we are home but it's never at the same time and we aren't always home to cook for them.
I can see both sides of this,
I can see both sides of this, but comparing an 18 year old who misses dinner due to a job and a 17 year old who misses dinner because he's in his room watching YouTube videos? I don"t see the comparison. One is on the path to accepting responsibility for his life and the other just expects everything to be provided for him so he can use it at his leisure.
I didn't say it was only
I didn't say it was only because of his job. SO and I often make things that SS doesn't like so he doesn't come to dinner. On those nights, he usually makes his own dinner and since he works every other night, he stays up late every other night (actually this habit does bother me because then it's difficult for him to get up because he's not on a schedule) and sometimes he doesn't eat until late.
I don't know. I just don't see why it's a big deal.