Teenage step daughter won’t accept my apology
Hi all, we mostly get along well. She is impossible but I forgot I cannot be the one to point it out. Best to leave the messes and damage to be discovered by her father, who can choose to address or not as he sees fit.
I forgot this golden rule for our family and have been fighting with her more of late. Her father fights much worse w her but she always forgives him of course. Usually me too, but it's been 6 days since my apology/amends email (we don't live together weekdays) and she is full on ignoring me.
it's a tough week for her for many reasons, so I'm giving latitude. But it's tough. Her father is being kind and understanding but it's driving me batty. All the same issues of selfishness and entitlement that cause the behavior to begin with also cause the non acceptance of my apology. Likewise her adult siblings are totally dysfunctional and use the same tactics w their father, and she is of course hapot to tell them her side of the story, leaving out her persistent troublesome behavior which her father has been trying to deal with for the last year or so. Not sure what to do. Afraid it will last forever.
"Fighting" with a teenager?
"Fighting" with a teenager? This sounds like an unhealthy dynamic. Children shouldn't argue with adults in the home. It sounds like this child holds adult status. Personally, I won't live in a home like that.
at 17 she will be a legal
at 17 she will be a legal adult next year, but she is very immature
Even if she is "almost
Even if she is "almost legally an adult", even if she was legally an adult she should not be "fighting" with the adult homeowners.
ah, well. teenagers are not
ah, well. teenagers are not histirically great at following direction. and part of their growth is testing authority. congrats to you for having such well-behaved teenagers!
I call BS
Teenagers or anyone else treat people as they are allowed to. There are three teen skids here and not one has ever fought with me. Their dad would not allow it nor would I. Their mother who has numerous diagnosed and undiagnosed mental and behavioral problems? They get into it with their mother - for whom they have no respect - all the time. People act how you let them act.
Your teens skids are acting like miscreants because their parent isn't keeping them in check.
Bravo Agie, bravo!
Bravo Agie, bravo!
Exactly. What goes on in the home of the blended family opposition has zero bearing on what goes on in the home of the quality side of the blended family equation.
Sign me up!!!!
Seems like time to step back
Seems like time to step back and detach from the situation and all the fighting. You've apologized, time to let it go and figure out how to get out of the power struggle. Like you said, leave it to your husband to deal with her and find peace elsewhere in your life.
Idk what you did but are you
Idk what you did but are you sure it requires an apology?
Yes, it did, as does her
Yes, it did, as does her behavior, but she has not yet learned the fine art of taking responsibility for oneself. I mean, most adults dont know how to do that, either! But at 17 she's really in the thick of self-obsession
Why does a teen have so much
Why does a teen have so much power in your home?
yes, it's an unhealthy
yes, it's an unhealthy dynamic and the reasons are extremely complicated. Also not something I can fix. I like the idea of stepping back--ive done all I can do at this point and I dont want to contribute to the dynamic by continuing to be upset. She will be 17 soon, which is a very tricky age.
Sounds like you have your
Sounds like you have your hands kinda full. Since bio mom passed away that must be very difficult.
I'll be blunt, she doesn't have to accept your apology. Right now she may not be in the right place in her head to do that.
BUT you told her you were sorry. That never means the listener MUST accept it.
Hang in there, ok.
Glad you are here at Step Talk...dont dash off ok? We are hear to help with undertanding or just an ear to vent.
Never appologize for
Never appologize for highlighting the facts of their behavior to toxic people. Ever. They owe appology for their behavioral crap.
Why are you guys (you and
Why are you guys (you and your DH) fighting like children that need to apologize and make up with SD.
This is really weird. I am not saying I haven't ever apologized to my kids because they caught me in a bad moment and I snapped at them but that is not what this sounds like.
You don't apologize for having rules that need to be followed. You don't apologize for being a parent. Even if she doesn't like those things.