SD Always Lies-Now Made Horrible Allegation against her Stepdad
OMG,I just came across this website and it may be the be one thing that keeps me out of a straight jacket! I've only been reading for a little bit, but it feels so good to know that I am not alone and I'm not a monster for the feelings I have towards my soon to be steps...Although it is a little scary because I am afraid we might not make it to the point of making it official the way things are going! His oldest who is almost 17 is my biggest problem right now and we don't have sole custody of her...I actually put a stop to that because she tried to stay with us and she caused so many problems and accused me and her dad of mistreating her. Then she got mad at us for sending us back to her mom. Now she's accusing her step-dad of abuse(sexual) :jawdrop: . These allegations have him sitting in jail. I don't even know what to think. I told her dad that I could tell she had major major issues when she started staying with us and that I thought she needed therapy. Once summer came I told him I thought it would be better for her to go back to her mother so she could get the counselling she needed and we could give our younger children the attention they deserved instead of wasting all of our time and energy dealing with her drama. Well, he did not take me seriously and she ended up staying and as I predicted the summer was filled with drama because of her and so much time was taken away from the younger ones just dealing with all of that. In the beginning I tried my best to do everything I could for her and to accept her with open arms. But, it only backfired on me when we had to discipline her for not following our rules. Anytime she doesn't get her way she finds a way to go to the other parent or someone else in her large family and makes up some story about how she is being mistreated. They then feel sorry for her and she gets a pity party and she gets pretty much what she wants. At this point though she's burned about every bridge she has. So, once we heard these new very serious allegations about her stepdad the first thing both her dad and I both thought is that she is lying. And this is something we even warned her about this summer when we caught her lying to us. We told her we would never be able to believe her and asked her what would happen if something serious ever happened that she needed us to believe her and we couldn't. So, I'm pretty much at my wits end. I don't know what is wrong with this girl. So many thoughts go through my head. I wonder if she really has been abused and that's why she's so damned messed up. Or if she's so damned messed up and that's why she's making these horrible allegations that are actually not true. Regardless, I have made my mind up. She is almost 17. She lives with her mother 4 hours away from us. If she sticks to her story and he is convicted and her mom (who at this point is in denial and does not believe her) tries to send her to live with us again, once again I am putting my foot down. I have told my fiance before that she scares me. I don't like her being around my children and I don't like being alone with her. Her own brother and sister won't come to us and tell on her when she's mean to them. My kids come to me and tell for them. She's just turned her mom's relationship and entire life upside down. I am scared to death she will do the same to us. It was my fear when we sent her back to live with her mom. This post is pretty much just a vent. It's so hard to talk too freely to my fiance, because even though he also has his doubts about whether or not she is telling the truth there's a big part of him that does believe her and a part of him that still sees her as his innocent little girl. So I have to really watch what I say to him. FWIW: I don't mean to sound so cold-hearted and I know that sexual abuse is not to be taken lightly. But from her history this is EXACTLY the type of thing you could expect from her...As I said before, to the point that even her dad is questioning it.
Who gives a shit about the
Who gives a shit about the toxic SD-17. Protect your younger kids and your marriage from her. That is what I would do.
At some point a kid is what they will be. In the case of your SD-17, abused or not since the jury is still out on that one, she cannot be allowed to pollute the lives of others. Since her constant claims of being mistreated are nothing new, I would say the odds are definitely that her StepDad is just another victim of her toxic manipulations.
I would stick with that perspective until more definitive information is forthcoming from the police regarding the StepDad's case.
Past behavior is always the best predictor of future behavior. Protect your family.
That poor Sdad. I hope he
That poor Sdad. I hope he was not falsely accused. But, knowing my one SD, I could see it happening like that. Hell, at 12 she told her own damn father she would tell the school counselor he touched her if he didn't let her go to some stupid party. Not to downplay genuine victims of assault, but I think SKids cry wolf more often than people think.
Did he slap her after she
:jawdrop: Did he slap her after she tried that stunt?
but I think SKids cry wolf
but I think SKids cry wolf more often than people think.
Not just step kids, either. BM's go to when a man doesn't give her what she wants, is to claim he raped her or to threaten him that she will cry rape. She also tells her new boyfriends/husbands that her exes abused/raped her.
I do believe that my SD24 has learned a little of this behavior and victim mentality from her mother.
It's sad for true victims that people lie about abuse for their own selfish reasons. It's despicable that they accuse innocent people and turn their lives upside down.
I hope the truth is found out in the case of your SD, one way or another, but I would definitely be wary and error on the side of caution.
To add a little more info to
To add a little more info to the mix...SD also accused someone else of sexual abuse when she was younger. Nothing ever came of it. That story is really sketchy. I only know bits and pieces of it. SD mentioned something about it one day...about something happening to her when she was young and her mom not believing her. I later in private asked my fiance about it and he said that SD accused someone way after the fact and her mother didn't believe her and nothing happened after that. I didn't dig any deeper into it. This whole ordeal is turning my life upside down right now and as I mentioned before SD does not even live with us at this time. It's just the drama of what's going on and the stress for my poor fiance. Different scenarios keep running through my head. CYFD (Children Youth & Family Dept) has interviewed her, but how much is she going to tell them? Is she going to disclose that she accused someone else of sexual abuse also? I'd think that would be important. Also I think that somewhere along with that history her character needs to be shown. She never accused me of anything so horrible, but she got her brother and sister to tell her dad's side of the family that I was mean to them and that I treated them unfair. This was just because she was tired of staying at my house and having to follow the same rules as my kids. Then she told her mom that her dad and I mistreated her and her dad treated her bad when he was around me. We together confronted her about all of this and that's some of the drama that happened over the summer and when we confronted her about her lying and about how it'd be hard for us to ever believe her if she ever really had any problems...She tends to blow things up and tries to get anyone she can to feel sorry for her. Even in this case. After she called us, we got a call from my fiance's parents asking him if he was going to go get her because she called them and told them that her stepdad had been sexually abusing her. I don't know...that just seemed odd to me that she would call them up. They did just what she would want them to do though and made a huge deal of it. Luckily my fiance has seen the light and told them right away what has been going on and that at this point no one can jump to conclusions and that they shouldn't worry that she is safe where she is. They are nearly 70 years old and already have one son still living under their roof with his daughter and are taking care of my fiance's elderly grandfather. I wish I could just disconnect myself from it all and at some point I may have to. Luckily right now all of this is happening 4 hours away and I'm hoping everything will stayed tied up in court or something for a really long time and she won't be able to leave that area...
It is possible that your SD
It is possible that your SD was sexually abused when she was younger. That kind of thing causes girls to act out.
At this point anything could
At this point anything could be possible and that's what's making this all so hard. Regardless if it did or did not happen in the past or again this time she has major issues that need to be taken care of. My main concern right now is that as in the past her mom is going to throw her hands up in the air and hand her over to her dad and expect him to deal with her. Which honestly is impossible. He works out of town and is only home on the weekends. This summer was a nightmare and I had all five of our kids in our house while working 3 12 hour night shifts at my job. It may not sound like much, but it was pure hell. I did get aggravated at all 5 kids for being loud while I tried to sleep and for not picking up their messes. That's what sent them running to my fiance's family telling them I was "mean." I treated his three no different than my two. And my fiance's brother has the nerve to say, "it's like she doesn't want them there." Well, no sh!$! Sorry, but When I'm working my ass off and my fiance was not even home I don't feel like it was fair for anyone to expect me to take care of his three especially when one is a manipulative 16 year old brat. Sorry, but I just had to get all of that off my chest too. This has been a long hard road already and right now it's not getting any better. I'm really dreading the holidays. Times that I should be enjoying my own kids end up turning into chaos.