Resentful "stepmom"
So let me give a quick backstory: me and my significant other have been together 5 years. He has 2 kids from 2 different women. They are now 9 and 13. The 9 year old lives with his mom full time and we get him 2 nights a week. This used to be the same scenario for the teen until about a year and a half ago. His mom went to prison for drugs and he moved in full time ; when I was 36 wks pregnant. Because of the situation with the ex, it was def not my ideal time to adapt to being a "full time step parent" when I was about to adapt to being a mom of a newborn for the first time but I understood. It was a hard transition (especially since I breastfed/still breastfeed and still don't feel comfortable nursing my little in common areas). Fast forward to now. His mom has been out for 5 months, she has seen him 4 times. I have grown a resentment towards a child and I feel horrible even saying it, especially being a stepchild myself, but it's gotten to the point where I want to just breakup with my SO. He spends a significant amount of time doing his own hobbies, even going on out of town trips and leaves his son with me. I was hoping his mom would at least get him once a week or something to give me a break and that has not been the case. I don't get free time but my SO does, leaving me responsible for TWO kids now. Not to mention, his son has been getting into A LOT of trouble lately (skipping school, lying, bad grades, possibly smoking weed) and I feel that my SO does not do enough to discipline him and even fails to mention some of these behaviors until weeks later! I'm coming to find out our parenting techniques are WAY different (I'm more strict in parenting than he is). I'm scared that even if we stay together, we are going to have the same problems trying to raise our daughter together. I have grown resentful because I feel I am an unpaid/unthanked nanny and maid! To the point where I hate coming home knowing the kid is going to be there when I get home. Am I a horrible human being? Should I call it quits? My stepdad IS my dad, and I worry that if I feel the way I do it's not good for his kid or me
Only you can say whether this
Only you can say whether this is a sustainable situation for you... or not.
Congrats on the baby.
Good luck.
Can you talk to your SO?
Can you let him know how you're feeling stuck with both kids all the time and need some time to yourself whether your SS sleeps at a family members house or your SO takes him out for a few hours to give you some peace and privacy instead of him being the one that gets to skip off. Not fair to you at all and you'll only be able to put up with that for so long. Sometimes our husbands don't realize what they're doing to the extent they're doing (and some do) but try talking to him first. If he knows how you feel and the situation remains the same then you should start thinking if this situation is something you are ok with being in until your dd is grown and kids are off. I love my dh and talking to him did work for us for most of our step parenting issues. But I feel you in the fact that my dh doesn't pay much mind to what his teens are doing so as long as nothing is blowing up in his face. Ugh. I've learned to step back and say to myself "if he isn't concerned then I can't be" it helps a little even though I love them and want to help. It just doesn't work like that. If the bio parent in the home isn't on board it gets us nowhere. My step twins live with us full time too. They're 14
All of his family said "oh it
All of his family said "oh it's such an easy age, he'll be able to help around the house , etc etc" but I feel like it's such a hard age. Maybe if he came to live full time when he was younger it may have been an easier transition but his dad doesn't make him do any chores and he's getting in trouble at school weekly. I feel like what rules he has should be the same rules our child together will have, especially living in the same house she'll grow up seeing what he's doing and think that it's okay.
Stand up for yourself my
Stand up for yourself my husband would never be allowed to go anywhere for the weekend or anywhere else to have a good time unless he made other arrangments for HIS daughter. And she lived with us since she been 5 she 17 now but i have always made myself the last resort if she needs to be looked after. And when i have looked after her it been on my terms. Dont let yourself be a live in baby sitter. Ground rules.