Is personal really personal?
Long story but am needing advice....here goes. I have been with my SO for 3 years living together 2. I have a daughter,5, and he has a daughter at home, 16, that sees her mom rarely. Problem; I was taught in therapy to journal in order to assess my private feelings. His 16 year was snooping and found my journal in my bedroom on my nightstand. Not only did she read it she made copies gave them to my SO and her mother. Shared them with her sisters, grandmother and posted online. She tells me it was a mean and malicious attack on her and her dad. She yells how much of a horrible person I am also how a 'sane' person would never write such hateful things. Her father was hurt and told me that I hurt his daughter intentionally therefore I should move out til she goes to college. I feel that the journal wasnt addressed to her nor for her. It was my personsl thoughts and how I deal with things without overreacting or saying something I dont really mean. Wasnt this an invasion of my personal space? It wasnt meant to hurt anyone but she doesnt see what she did as wrong. Im not sure if her dad does either. HELP.
She should have never been in
She should have never been in your room snooping in the first place, she shouldn't have read it in the second and she shouldn't have disseminated the info in the third. Your DH should have your back on this but maybe something your wrote hit to close to home in being true. Your not in the wrong here and you are the victim here not her. Your the one whose privacy was violated in your own home and you need to let your H know that, if your stepdaughter hadn't read what she wasn't suppose to read she wouldn't feel what she is Oh and if You are forced to leave your home over this snot I hope you take him to the cleaners and never go back to him. You deserve much better
How could you have
How could you have "intentionally" tried to hurt sd when SHE was the one who snooped and read a private diary?!! Your SO is an arse and is obviously just giving a knee jerk reaction over this situation :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
Personally I wouldnt want to be around a teen who is enabled and coddled when they have purposely invaded and hurt someone intentionally. Its amazing your SO has made you out to be the bad guy in this situation and is actually accusing you of something your sd actually has perpetrated.
This is what happens when people snoop, see things they shouldnt - its called curiousity killed the cat and is the danger when you do evesdrop in personal things. The consequence of which is that likely yes your sd is very likely hurt, angry (as is SO) over the frank stuff you have written. Thats why its called a diary, because its private and shouldnt be read by those who it wasnt intended for!
If your SO has said he wishes you to move out, hasnt gone ape with sd over the fact she nastily not only snooped but made copies of this - which is just out of malice and smacks of opportunistic revenge with the twofold result of very likely getting daddy to throw you over. Well I wouldnt need to be told or treated like this twice, live and learn I say and leave.
I appreciate its easy for me to say and that you very likely love this guy and are heartbroken/hurting over this BUT you arent going to achieve anything positive by remaining in the home. Your sd is going to lord it over and you wont be able to say anything because daddy has her back, so you have zero power, respect or control over your own home let along feel secure and loved. I would also recommend you make it clear how disgusted you are by them both and that you wont treated like a common criminal to be banished like a child from the house, not having the same level of importance as SO and sd, while retaining the shackles of a disrespectful relationship.
I would be LIVID if I were you. Right now, you feel guilty, shamed, shocked and exploited by these people. Guilty because you probably have said some naughty things in your diary, stuff which you may not always be proud of. That is why they remain unsaid spoken aloud, but make no mistake about it this girl has attacked you and your personal space. Regardless of what you have said, she has no right to do this and tbh she deserved the shock she got. Serves the little sneak right.
I think its understandable for your SO to perhaps be shocked by what was written - lets be honest, if you saw the stark, no barrs held rant about people you love then perhaps you would react protectively but that doesnt excuse him siding ultimately with his daughter and making you feel like the guilty party.
Hold your head up high and dont let these manipulators guilt you any further! Some people have no class and sd's smear campaign is indicative of this.
SD was wrong to do what she
SD was wrong to do what she did.
Was anything in there a surprise to DH? If so, then I HIGHLY recommend you work on communication in your marriage.
If you truly cannot stand someone and have "hateful" feelings toward them, it doesn't go unnoticed.
Not only she read it but she
Not only she read it but she copied it?
Move out and remind your SO that this was a private document and was in YOUR room. Not only did she copy it but she maliciously distributed it to her parents.
Now as personal jourals are free for reading you would like access to ALL her Facebook posts and cell phone texts that you can copy and distribute as you see fit.
Is this girl in training for WikiLeaks?
Your SO has no respect for you and obviously privacy and respect is not values he holds close to his heart.
I have come to realise when your core values are threatened then your relationship is at a cross roads.
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She snooped, copied private
She snooped, copied private papers, shared them w/ other people, : and YOUR at fault? Wow. :jawdrop:
This guy is married...to his
This guy is married...to his daughter. He has no respect for you. Take him up on his offer and leave him and his little princess all to themselves.
Believe me, it will hurt at first but in less time than you think, HE will be the one wishing you were still around and YOU will be the one thankful that you are NOT.
This exact same thing
This exact same thing happened to me ( almost exact ..) just 2 days ago , the SD left here before I could confront her about it , but she is no doubt at home telling her mom and whoever else will listen every word that was written by me ! She let my daughter in on a few things and she even " laughed about how jealous I am of her" according to my 13 year old ,,, who could do nothing to stop her since she locked herself in the bathroom to sit and get a good read ...
I started that journal in particular to realease some of the anger I felt at the time towards my husband and her and her stupid mother , it was filled with pages and pages of rage and rants and the REAL story of my husband and that girls BM's FLING that lead to her being brought into this world , not even close to the fairy tale romance my husband or her mom told her , or that my husbands brother could have been her daddy too , they both left that out ,,,( I was there , at that time , we all hung out in the same crowd ..) , things that no human should read , but I thought it would be better to write it than to say it outloud ,,,
I have gone through a number of emotions the last two days from being ashamed , to hurt , to Pi***d off , to laughing about it all ... I was very ashamed I badmouthed a young girl and her mom like that , then I started thinking ,,, HEY .. I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE FEELINGS ,,, something that no one in this situation cared about at the time she found us ,, I have every right to have those feelings and I can say or write whatever I want , whenever I want ,, I didnt write in that book with the intention that some nosey little witch would hunt it down and read it ,,, So , now I've landed on this ,, one of my grammy's favorite sayings , and that is
" WHEN YOU GO DIGGING FOR DIRT ,, YOU DAMN WELL BETTER EXPECT TO GET DIRTY .. "
So , yeah , she went digging for dirt and she got dirty , she got what she was looking for , and I have decided I am NOT going to explain it to her or her stupid mother , I am NOT going to feel bad about what I said , ( at least it kept me from saying it to her face and her mom's ) , my husband has asked me 100 times what WE are going to do about this , how are WE going to explain it ,,, and I told him last night ,, there was no "WE" when you brought this strange girl into our home, no WE, when you started to tell her you loved her within hours of talking to her for the first time on the phone , and no WE when you forced her on me and our daughters and my family ,, so there is no WE in this situation either , she now knows all the bull you've been feeding her and her mom too , she knows WHY I was soo angry at first , and knows how I really feel about her thumb sucking , blanket holding , half naked wanting to cuddle her daddy at 15 , how I really feel and I am not going to appologize or make up more lies to tell this kid to save your ass ,, if you feel like you want to make her feel better about what she read than go ahead and try , I'm going to write down all the bull you tell her and leave my journal out this time and she can read it again ,,,
that is where I am at ,, hope it helps you in someway ,, dont appologize to anyone for having feelings ,,,
What the F was she doing in
What the F was she doing in your room, anyway? You are not in the wrong! She apparently was not taught boundaries & respect for other people's privacy. Take him up on his offer...move out. His loss.
The last time I caught
The last time I caught someone reading my journal - I divorced him.
True story.
I would tell your SO that he is right - I will be moving out. But I will not be back when SD goes to college. Your privacy has been violated. I would be about a hair's breath away from kicking that kid's ass sideways.
I would be spending the rest of this weekend packing up and then writing a lovely detailed letter to your SO and his spawn about how they can go Eff themselves...
but that's me.
Good luck!
Oh my goodness !! I just
My DH is considering not having the evil SD15 here this weekend , not because he wants to punish her for reading my journal , but because he has yet to think of an excuse or enough stories to cover up the things she read ( it was the truth , the real truth and nothing but the truth ,,,) ,,, I told him to just bs her some more and I'll write all his lies down and let her read that too ! its about time somone gave this kid and her mom a reality check .. I'm already the a-hole in this situation , why not let it be ME who gives her a little dose of reality ?.. she wanted "her daddy " , she needs to know who her "real" daddy is !
I have no words. She is
:jawdrop:
I have no words. She is completely wrong.
She was snooping because she
She was snooping because she WANTED to find something like that. It's not like she expected to find cupcakes and hundred-dollar bills in there. She was searching for something - ANYTHING - that she could use against you. In fact, if it was a bedside table, she may have been looking for something much more personal than a journal to tell her mother about and write online about. If she wasn't going to make you evil, she would have at least found something to embarrass you about.
The plus side? She proved you right about whatever you wrote.
I would leave if I were in your position. Otherwise, your days and your relationship are battles orchestrated by a nasty little twit. Don't give her the satisfaction of making you miserable.
I hope you continue with your
I hope you continue with your journal - but are explicitly detailing what pieces of trash these people are.
Let them have it with both barrels.
I kept a "diary" for decades. I have promised it to the women's center of a college that I went to - but I would go ballistic is it was printed or distributed without my permission. Seriously - I who have never even slapped a person might do bodily physical harm over that.