Paying rent for 17 yr old stepdaughter
I need to know if I'm wrong to feel this way. I have a 17 yr old stepdaughter and just found out that my husband and his ex are both pitching in money for their 17 year old to move out and live with 2 other girls. She has no job and has not graduated from high school. She started doing online classes last year so she was able to see her mom more when in fact she only went about 3 times to see her mom. At the start if last summer she had not finished her jr year. She told her dad if he doesn't do this for her in another 6 months she'll be 18 and move out anyways. I was so angry over this and told him he was an unfit dad and lazy because it was easier for him to pay her rent than to deal with her. She has never had any supervision. Dad gave her a car and she takes off for days at a time. He said "I trust her" well of course you do when you have no idea what she is doing. I found alcohol in her room and she acted like I had no right to be in her room when I was only in there to get back something she took of mine. She told me her mom bought it for her (like it should be ok if her mom bought it for her) I said keep it at your moms then. My husband and I are on the verge of divorce right now over this. He says I just hate his daughter. That is not true!! I have expectations for my kids (biological & step) I would not do this for my own children. If you can't help pay your rent then you shouldn't move out. Help!!! Should I feel this way and how do I handle this situation??
The Bio Parents are
The Bio Parents are fools....Clearly the child has no direction and that is on them. Honestly, he needs to let her move out and not give her a dime. If she wants to live on her own, she pays her own way and that includes insurance....Good luck without a degree.
His lack of parenting had to show up before now, my question is what attracted you to him knowing that? Sorry, but, I couldn't be with someone who clearly did not want to be a dad....
>>>beep boop boop beep beep
>>>beep boop boop beep beep boop beep..."Hello? Divorce Attorney?"
Heeeheee, made me laugh outloud.
Oh, and I agree with all of it!
Thanks for the input. She is
Thanks for the input. She is the only child and had been given anything she's asked for. I just think this is such poor parenting on both their parts. She only going to want more and more without doing anything on her own. I'm not picking on her I would be the same with my own kids but I would laugh in their face if they asked me for such a thing. He obviously didn't show his true colors before I married him. I thought he had more morals than this. Not sure if its wrong to say but I will be the first one laughing and saying I told you so when she's in trouble!!
And how are they raising her
And how are they raising her to be strong and independent. Independent people have jobs and pay their own way. What an ignorant comment!!!
I think beaccountable meant
I think beaccountable meant that sarcastically
Lol. Sorry...I got defensive
Lol. Sorry...I got defensive to quick I guess.
No worries - had it not been
No worries - had it not been said in jest, I would've been right along with you! Kids these days are so dependent on mommy and daddy to do EVERYTHING for them, it's a miracle that any of them move out of their parent's homes by 30!
You are not wrong. Not wrong
You are not wrong. Not wrong at all!
My MIL wanted us to pay for DH's daughter (23) to rent an apartment. Oh, and she wanted us to furnish it, too. DH's daughter is horrible to him; she only calls for money, and he stopped that. His daughter has called me terrible names and threatened to trash my car. There is more, but you get the picture. Also, his daughter has made it quite clear that she will NEVER work full-time, because only ******* losers do that. She works 25 hours a week max. She is currently sleeping around in an effort to get pregnant so she can collect welfare, as that is "owed to her." :jawdrop:
Anyway, there was no way in hell we would be doing that. And if for some reason my DH wanted to, he would have had to take on another job to pay her rent. My MIL was really agitated about this, could not understand why we would not "help her granddaughter."
Your SD is never going to grow up. Your DH needs to wake up.
Btw, my stepmother and her ex husband rented an apartment for their 30 year old daughter for a year. Her daughter is one who has never grown up, even though she is married and has a kid. In addition, my stepmom paid for her car payment, insurance, food, and cigarettes. My dad is pretty mellow, but it caused a lot of problems for a while. My stepsister eventually left the apartment, but my stepmom is still "helping her." My dad does not say much, but it just goes to show you they may never grow up.
Our BM is stuck with my DH's 3 young adults-she told them they never had to work and 2 of them refuse, while the other one does her max of 25 hours. Now, it is a mess and everyone is fighting. 2 of them want to come here. NOT ever gonna happen.
I'm so sorry for you
I'm so sorry for you Lspriggs. I don't know if you've ever read anything from the Adult Stepchildren Forum but the enabling issue can continue a lifetime. In my house DH is a huge enabler of SD but not of SS . In DH's case once an enabler, always an enabler. Funny thing is that he doesn't see it the same way everyone else does. Even sadder is that it trickles down to the grandskids. With this attitude everyone feels entitled. My DH is a conservative and feels that people should work hard to take care of themselves, that is, everyone but SD.
Well she's at my house now
Well she's at my house now and daddy's helping her move her stuff. Didn't know she was coming today because no one told me but I guess I don't need to be involved with anything. I just feel totally disrespected. And she's happy that she got her way as usual!!
I totally understand. They
I totally understand. They don't care who they have to step on or be rude to in order to get what they want. Unfortunately, they learn
at a very young age how to manipulate. My DH and SD often do things without me knowing beforehand. My DH called me an F'n snake last night when I told him that family members were concerned that SD was trying to come between us. They should know, they've known them both longer than I have.
That's terrible!! I never
That's terrible!! I never thought it would be this bad. I was excited about having a SD. Guess I was wrong.
DH regularly does things i
DH regularly does things i don't agree with when it comes to skids, and it used to drive me insane until my aunt (who works with teens) told me after one of my... skids r driving me nuts rants, that I will never get more respect from them then their BPs do. I resolved myself to the fact that these are not my children and the way their BPs raise them is not my problem. Of coarse i discuss with DH my opinion on things before he goes to the kids but it is his choice wether or not he follows my recommended course of action. Not taking it personally has allowed DH to stop keeping things about the skids from me and also allowed me to stop being as petty as i had been. I love my skids even though they make some horrible decisions at times and taking the supporting rather then enforcing roll has made all of us alot happier. I just enjoy my skids positive attributes and allow BPs to deal with the negative, kinda like a grandma with her grandkids Lmao