Our confession whats your???
Hello
My DH & I had some big issues with his daughter that lead into us having further questions about her. Our thoughts was that her doctors were not much help with telling us of what could be wrong with her. It shows to us that her lower jaw is under developed, small head for her body, her body language all around is off, & the way she sticks her tongue out past her teeth when she talks/sings. This was before we were told that she has Aspergers (which we still do not know if that can affect the stuff listed above) & after her Grandparents believed that SD suffered from (I forget the name-sorry) her mother drinking during pregnancy. She is 14 now BTW.
Anyways now that you get the picture... My SD LOVES to sing & have always wanted to be a singer. She hates herself, her looks, & all of her self image. We are trying everything to help her accept herself for who she is & f*** what anyone else thinks. Our confession, is we allowed her to have a you tube video up. She ended up wanting more & we agreed to allowing it. She felt pride, LOVED seeing her many views & all. DH & I had a whole another motive for allowing her to do so. I know that if you are reading this, you are going to want to eat me alive but I do love my SD & am even having a hard time admitting what im about to say. This was all my ideas that I got my DH to agree to. Only judge me if anyone thinks this was mean please. If it was not for me, my DH would have never even thought about doing this. I suggested to DH that we offer SD to make a you tube video as she feels happy about doing & posting it. We (DH & I) would read any comments before we allowed SD to view the status. Husband agreed knowing my full motive & we asked his daughter if she would like to make a music (karaoke style) video & post it on you tube. My full motive which SD was NEVER made aware of, was to see if anyone replied with asking or stating about her image. If not asking..suggesting anything that stands out to the viewers as complete outsiders. We know something is not right about her yet we can not see what the problem is. Parents by nature are prejudice which is our fear & why we agreed to seeking any form of ideas in any ways we can possibly think of.
Well she got several views most of which were thumbs down but no comments. DH & I also posted her brother singing which he is great at! I'm even jealous because I practice at home & he only does a couple of songs during their visit but he is better than DH & I together. We do this together during the evenings sometimes, no motive with my SS accept to show him off & not allow SD to catch onto my/our motive with her...
This all occurred before I found this site & has since been deleted from you tube but its my confession & I want to know what yours is??? Any thoughts of our/my line of thinking on our confession will be listened & talked about between DH & I.
Part of becoming a good parent/step parent is messing up. We are only human!
Only one question: Would you
Only one question: Would you have done that to your biokid?
Thank you on your replies.
Thank you on your replies. Yea I understand the issue of her possibly being handicap but she kinda looks normal but not really too. We have brought her in to different types of doctors & they all think she is normal accept for having anxiety & possibly Aspergers. Like I said before, the diagnosis of Aspergers was not given to us before we allowed the posting. I have seeked help through everyone including social services that I/we could think of. The videos were appropriate by all means & she did look like a cute girl having fun so it was not meant to hurt her nor has hurt her in any way. She in fact loved it all. I on a last resort thought to wonder if others see what we see but I guess not. It was not like it was a laughing stalk or anything really! Ive seen people post comments on videos that I personally never would have thought about until I looked at it in a different angel. It was meant innocently & in sheer hope of gaining any new thoughts. Im not a birth parent & I don't know every answer when it comes to parenting. Sorry I posted if it offended you but I wish you could see what we deal with for you only heard a portion of our lives.
If I would of thought even for a minute that it would of been a humiliation in any way for her (which it was not), I would have not allowed the post. All I know, is that I love her & want to help her in any way that I can. Big wow that I made one bad but really??? SHE LOVED BEING ON YOU TUBE. So now do we or do we not allow her to make a video when she asks?
I'm not here to get my butt kicked for being honest so please take a chill long enough to learn all of the facts before you judge. I'm not out to hurt her or anyone & especially not out to judge people that share their most inner feelings (right or wrong) here.
And the Grand parents only wondered if my SD has fetal alcohol syndrome but ALL doctors say that they do not know nor can find out due to her age. I'm ONLY a step parent, what CAN I do? Not to mention..for the people who decide to judge me, well at least im seeking help & her own BM has not done so. I do know you tube is not the answer..so I figured since all else failed that maybe a question could have been posted or something. If that makes me a bad person, than so be it!
Please remember that when such judgments are made on anyone asking for help no matter how it is posed, that if you judge them the way I felt judged..It chases us away & when we do talk, it makes us want to tell people what we think they want to hear. No one likes feeling attacked & in my case, I was admitting my motives but was meant with good intentions for that matter. I have no motive to seek replies just for attention. I seek replies perhaps for help, even to hear another say how my feelings are normal considering what I have seen, & hear innocent mess ups that other step parents made. Mess ups or not in some cases for I still don't know myself concerning my confession.
About my own biokids if I had
About my own biokids if I had any, yes I would post them if they wanted to be on you tube. As far as seeking help..I believe I would have known the problem that they had to begin with. But I do not know honestly yet I believe I would if it could of been of help. My heart is in the right spot & that is all I know.
Hope other people will still feel safe to post their honest doings that were what we would normally call different. Maybe I labeled it all wrong................
Wow I did jump to
Wow I did jump to conclusions..Is there an ashamed face? The way I read it, I already felt guilt & expected to be judged. I'm sorry for jumping the gun there! I really do feel bad for making the you tube video with a hidden motive & did so with full good intention was all. I have been judged in my past for my parenting & am living with anxiety when I share any secrets with other people. Sorry dtzyblnd that I took any of which out on you. I guess I looked forward to hearing that another understood & possibly had a topic to share that would of made me feel a lil less guilty... Selfish on my behalf!
A message to everyone here please, I have felt confronted on some of my posts in a way that I allowed myself to develop an attitude and act in a defensive manor. Truth is, I am not good with expressing what it is that I intend on posting but I'm trying to better that. I have read many other posts where it seemed that another has been judged rather harshly when they came here for help. That seems bothersome to where I wondered why some of you folks wondered why there are people here that make up stories than delete everything. I would love to see more people less anxious to confront people on lies & find out what another is really seeking help on. Does this make sense? Perhaps it should be another post..i dunno!
dtzyblnd, if you don't mind me saying, when I first came here..I said a diagnosis (blunt name that is given to adults) about my SD which she at one time was given but I can't recall what they called it & was made to feel like I was not telling the truth or something. Also thank you for clarifying your reply, I needed to read your original reply over again without assuming the worst. Haven't seen anyone say this but im sorry I made an ass of myself & I was wrong.
My SIL has Microcephaly which
My SIL has Microcephaly which is also known as "small head syndrome"...basically, her soft spot closed early which left her brain smaller than what it should have been. With her, it's genetic (although MIL denies it) but it is also something that occurs with drug/alcohol babies too.
SIL is 33 years old yet has the mental capacity of a 13 year old on her GOOD days...other times she behaves like a toddler (IMHO)...it is what it is. SIL was diagnosed at 3 years old because her development was behind other children her age.
MIL took her for cosmetic surgery because the lower half of her jaw was much too large for the top part of the jaw but now, she looks basically normal (until she speaks).
There are a few disorders, like this one where unless it's diagnosed, no one knows what's going on with the kid...they look normal, act pretty normal but don't mature.
There's nothing wrong (IMHO) with wanting to have a diagnosis for why someone looks/acts the way they do (especially when it's a kid that you care for/about).
I would say that your DH needs to start researching what it could be & take SD to a doctor so that the medical professionals can diagnose & possibly assist in how to move forward.