I don't think mad is the word, neither hurt nor disgusted...yet it would be very hard to call the child by a name that you have associated with such disgust...hmmm...does that make sense? Imagine that you had a son and named him after your ex, who beat you, treated you like dirt, etc...you wouldn't take it out on your son, but everytime you said the name it would remind you of this horrible person...just weird...

I know it's not fair. I know many people who are in the same seat as you. Two, people I love dearly. My FH and his son. My FH's mother(now deceased) always treated him differently, then her other BS who Looks like the Mom. He is in his mid 60's and it still bothered him, he never understood why. But he is a splitting image of His Birth Father, who his mother hated. I explained it to him a couple years ago. And it made sense to him on "WHY" his mother did the things she did. He was a reminder of the pain she had with the husband , his father.
And FH has a son ,38, he looks just like dad(FH). And his BM treats him terrible too. FH explained it to him recently as to why.
I don't THINK she hates you. She just can't get past the pain that maybe your Mother has caused her indirectly. And you being a splitting image of the woman she detests, could make someone like that.(always a reminder).
Well you can't change your Looks. And you shouldn't change your name, unless "you" want too.
It doesn't matter what you look like,or your name , "it matters who you are". just be yourself. Maybe talk to her about the problem/After consulting dad . Have you asked her directly why she mistreats you?
Yes, I would be very angry, you have a right to be , if you're being treated unfairly.
You should be judged on your own merits and behaviors etc, and ONLY on yours, NOT your Mothers or anyone else's. Yes, anyone would feel hurt, and you have a right to be hurt. It's very hurtful.
Now that he knows, its much easier for him, it's to bad his mother is no longer here, so he could talk to her about what happened. Now he's working with the son on the very same issue.
Apparently some relatives,have underlying issues. And can't get past them which is a shame. You're not going to change those, unless you talk to dad,her & resolve them.
1)I would talk to your DAD about your feelings, and why you think she treats you, the way she does.
2) Then I would talk to the stepmom with dad there too.
3) be yourself, be honest, kind, loving, but most of all be true to yourself.
I don't know your age, but if you are a Adult, don't allow your Mother's and step mother's issues fall on you.
3)Explain that you, are only accountable for your behavior and NOT Mom's or anyone else's.
4)And that you hope they can get past the hurt between the parents & SM .
5)Just because you look like someone & have the same name. Doesn't mean you are that PERSON, YOUR NOT!
6) So please base me( you), as the person I am. Thanks.

That is incredibly sad. My ex's exwife did the same thing to their oldest daughter. She is the spitting image of her father. Her own mother treated her so poorly she lost custody of her.

My youngest looks exactly like her father and even though she really didn't spend a lot of time around him, she still has a lot of his mannerisms. I can't imagine loving her any less. My oldest looks like me. Her stepmother absolutely hates her because of that.

Not quite the same, but BM tried to make SD look more like her. SD is the spitting image of DH, and that actually was helpful to me to separate her from her mom when we met, now that I think about it.

Of course her BPD behavior is just like her mom's so, I feel like I'm living with a raging BM- especially when she comes out with an exact BM phrase during a rage.

When I met DH, SD was blond as me (I'm naturally so, though the gray hairs are starting to find their way in there too.) BM is a blond, but colors her hair a peroxide shade- platinum really.

Anyway, I discovered after knowing them for several months that SD had BLACK/BROWN roots. REALLY dark. I mentioned to DH that SD's hair was being colored, and he said BM just "highlighted" it. Then I showed him the roots. He started trying to get BM to stop (SD was NINE yrs old) and she kept claiming it was "just a little highlighting.") Then one day SD came back totally platinum like BM. It was so extreme a change, that SD's principal at Catholic school asked SD about it, b/c in their dress code you can't color your hair. Now DH had something concrete to approach BM with.

BM stopped, then the black roots descended. Then BM took SD to get it colored back to "natural." I'll never forget BM telling DH, "Well, unfortunately, the stylist said that D's hair is getting darker now, and that as she gets older it will get really dark."

First of all...it already WAS really dark, if you hadn't been MESSING with it since God knows what age. Secondly, why is that UNFORTUNATE? What's wrong with her having brown hair?

Oh...yeah....it's DH's hair. As long as BM bleached it out SD looked more like her in BM's mind.

Ironically, she also looked more like ME and since I was with her and DH people would assume SD was mine when she was blond.

This is tough. I think it's unfair to treat a child differently because they have the name of or favor their Bioparent.

I know though that my BS15's saving grace is his red hair. If it was brown, he would not only argue just like his dad, but be his argumentative TWIN.

Along the same line.

All 3 boys look like my husbands family. Funny thing is BM always says that SS12 looks like her. Too funny because she should be as pretty as SS. What really dispells that is BS2 looks just like SS12 with the exception that rather than having dark hair & a darker complexion he has blonde hair & my fair skin. The two of them look more alike that SS9 & SS12 do. SS9 is the spitting image of DH at his age. Once Nana was showing us pictures of DH in 4th grade & ss asked when did I have this picture taken.

BM & her parents always favors SS12 over SS9 & I think it is because BM thinks that he takes after her and that because the younger one looks like DH and they hate him.

I once mentioned to MIL that BM thought SS12 looked like her ( bare in mind the MIL & her were really close ) and she laughed & said no way that kid is all "Smith" just like my 3 boys all looked like the " Smiths" not my family. She is also the one who always points out how much BS looks like the 12 yr old.