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How do you think this situation should have been handled?
Not too long ago, we still had snow, and it was freezing outside. SD 17 had her computer privileges taken away. I can't remember what for. Most likely being mouthy, or poor grades. Well, she started the wailing, and dramatic fit throwing she usually does. DH told her to go in her room and cry. It's pitch dark outside where we live, and as I said, it was freezing, windy, nasty weather. SD went outside and slammed the door. Next thing I know, I heard her on the side of the house where DH's office window is...she was screaming at the top of her lungs! F this and F that! Literally letting out screams like she was being attacked. Sounded like a crazy person. Sounds carry out here. You can practically hear a neighbor whisper. I was waiting for police to show up, thinking the neighbors would take her screams seriously.
DH did nothing. No consequences for acting like a tantrum throwing two year old, or for using such filthy language.
She purposely went to the side of the house where DH could hear her.

These tantrums get worse each time...things just keep building.

Film it and put it on

Film it and put it on YouTube. Make sure her friends have the link. }:)

That's an AMAZING idea!!

I second this!!!!!!!!!!!!

I third this!!! I wish I

I third this!!! I wish I would have thought about this when Redface Magee was throwing his little tantrums.

Whining and throwing fits has

Whining and throwing fits has worked for her at times. I just find it odd that at her age, she responds so childlike to things. She loves to destroy things when she gets that way. One time she broke a hand rail off the side deck, on purpose. She told DH it was an accident, and he bought it. His response was, "I was going to take that down anyway."
Another time, she threatened suicide when her internet was taken away. She texted her mother with her threat, mom called police, and we had two police cars and an ambulance at our house. The officer knew right away what she was doing. But, by law, they had to take her to the hospital, where she totally turned her story around about why she made the threat. DH sat there and let her tell her lies...

Consistency has always been

Consistency has always been lacking with DH. I tried and tried to talk to him about it, but it's no use. I have disengaged.
I have also told him she needs counseling, I even got a recommendation from my doctor, but nothing happens.
DH says we don't see eye to eye on parenting. I can honestly say I just don't see much parenting going on, but she's not my child, and it's out of my hands.

BTW, I have thought about

BTW, I have thought about filming it, and posting it, a long time ago...then I would have a huge family on my case because they have no idea what she's really like. They don't live with her. It's rumored, I was too hard on her, I give up. She is what she is, and what she will be, is not looking very promising.

my SD14 cries alot. says we

my SD14 cries alot. says we are "mean" if we tell her what she needs to hear vs what she wants to hear, or if we say NO to something. she is very, very immature.

but in her case, this works with BM. BM's only mission in life is to give SD whatever she wants whenever seh wants it an ensure her happiness.

My hands are tied as far as

My hands are tied as far as therapy or anything else goes. DH will defend her actions to the end. He thinks she's just fine. A therapist will tell him exactly what I was telling him for years, problem is he won't do anything anyone says. In his eyes, it's all good. This girl is a train wreck waiting to happen.
I honestly cared about her, and her future, but not anymore. I gave it my all, but when DH is blind to what's going on, there's nothing I can do.

I would have just let her go

I would have just let her go on with her little yelling fit, because if the cops did show up and I'm out there trying to get her to come back in, it could look the wrong way. When she came back in, I would have informed her that because of her little fit, her computer privileges were now gone indefinitely, as it is obvious she is so addicted to the computer she has to resort to throwing a massive temper over it...like a drug addict who was withdrawing! If it kept up, other privileges would also go away...phone, TV, music, etc...until all she had left to do was sit in her room all day and read a book!

I agree Can't.

Sounds like there is no

Sounds like there is no solution to this problem. Your DH is playing Ostrich Daddy and the kid is not going to get any help. Her fits sometimes work so that is very strong conditioning for her to keep doing it.

Take it completely out of

Take it completely out of DH's and SD-17's hands.

I would have called 911 and reported an attack on your home. When the police showed up I would have pressed at least disturbing the peace charges. A 17yo needs to feel the full force of consequence for her actions.

Next time, let her stay outside and freeze. Leave the door unlocked, put her coat on the porch with a note tagged to the door "It is cold outside, the door is unlocked, come in when you have calmed down and are ready" call 911 and when the police show up .. disturbing the peace charges. Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually she will either figure it out or the judge will get sick of her and put her in the pokey for a month or two to learn what the big girls in stylish orange will do to her.

Since DH apparently does not have either the testicles or brains to deal with it, you deal with it.

OMG Not! This is my SD19 who

OMG Not! This is my SD19 who will be 20 in 2 months! YES, almost 20! Anytime we ask anyting of her, which is rare because of her outbursts, she goes off! She is probably BPD (Borderline Personality) and has anger and rage issues.

And SD19 has no problem whatsoever telling her father when she doesn't feel like doing something! I so fear having a heart attack biting my tongue, or DH having a heart attack if I take matters into my own hands. I don't know HOW I would keep my composure if she started in with her condescending snot tone with me. IF I had the guts to take her computer or phone or car keys, it would be HELL in my house!!! DH would GO OFF on me! I guess then I would call the cops. I have never done that over some crazy person, out of control kid. We just aren't that kind of family, but what are we supposed to do?

If I took Rags' advice, which also is the same advice my new therapist gave me, I fear DH wouldn't enforce it. IT would break his heart and probably break our marriage. I guess I have my answer right there. SD19 is a toxic BITCH. I would LOVE to have a zero bullshit policy in place because SD19 would fail miserably in the first few days.

I think all I can do is paint my face to look like the crazy Joker in Batman and just fake smile through all of the shit as I wade through toxic waste in my home.

I go see my therapist Saturday, and after that I am going to tell DH that we need to make House Rules......TOGETHER.

I am still doubtful, though. I probably would have lost my marbles if SD19 went outside and screamed. I would have gone off on DH to get HIS ASS OUTSIDE and shut her the FUCK UP ALREADY. Does SD drink iced tea or lemonade? Maybe you can open some Benadryl capsules and mix them in, so when she drinks, she'll calm down. LMAO }:) What does her pediatrician say to these bursts of rage? My SD19 is the same way, total problem with anger issues. Yet our DHs hand EVERYTHING to them. It SUCKS.

~ Moon

I would gladly approve of a

I would gladly approve of a few nights in the psych ward for SD19!! She needs it and DH has told her she needs therapy, but he doesn't enforce it. SD19 will be home right before Memorial Day weekend. Can't wait!!!!! Uh, NO....

Moon, if I called the police,

Moon, if I called the police, it would probably be the end of our marriage also. But, if she ever did try anything with me, I wouldn't hesitate to make that call.
Trust me, I believe she needs some time in a psych ward. I've told DH that the things she does are not normal.
Right now, I have even more concerns. For the past month or so, SD hasn't been feeling well. Missing drama practice, which is unheard of, and coming home on the bus when she could be hanging out with her friends.
Last Saturday morning, she told DH her stomach didn't feel good. Yesterday, she came home instead of hanging at school, claiming she had a headache.
I'm going to start keeping track of how often this happens. It's been at least four times in the past month.

Asked DH last night, if there is a chance that she's pregnant. His reply, "I sure hope not."
She has dark discoloration on her cheek. I mentioned it to DH. He said, she always breaks out when she has her period. This is not a breakout. It's discoloration...mask of pregnancy?
You can still have, what seems to be a period, but isn't, when pregnant.
I don't know, but I pray she's not pregnant. This is a girl who never gets sick or misses the chance to be gone. That's why I'm worried.
Plus, she has put on some weight. I'm not saying it's not because of all the junk food she eats, that's possible too.
Feels good just to get this off my chest...thanks.

OMG Not! I'm so sorry that

OMG Not! I'm so sorry that you are thinking this might be a possibility. My heart goes out to you. I remember her BM being a nutjob, is that right? She would HAVE to go back to BM if she were pregnant though. Right? DH can't handle her the way she is now, and if she is preggers then there is no way in hell he could even begin to be supportive.

And there's no way in hell that shit would fall on you!!! NO WAY!!! I'm fearful for your situation, because us women, we notice the details. My first thoughts were that she was depressed. Then I saw what you were getting at. You're in my prayers tonight. Only time will tell. Sigh.

~ Moon

There's no way he would send

There's no way he would send her to her mom. When I asked what he would do if she ever gets pregnant he said, she'd have to give the baby up for adoption.
There is NO WAY I'll be involved in anything to do with her...I'm not now, and never will be again.
Disengaging is working for me. If she is, or does get pregnant, DH can deal with her 100%.
Yes, her mom is a nut job...

OMG so she is there for good.

OMG so she is there for good. I think I kind of knew that, but wasn't entirely sure about the BM. Oh gheez........ :O

The girl has to be told every

The girl has to be told every single move to make. She doesn't put effort into anything...she would never want to take care of a baby.

The girl has eleven months

The girl has eleven months and nineteen days until she's eighteen. But, I know she won't want to keep a baby. She loves herself too much to, she doesn't care about anybody or anything, except having fun. She's extremely immature for her age. If by chance, she is pregnant, it wouldn't surprise me if one of the numerous family members adopted it.
I'm not jumping ahead here. I'm just going to monitor what's going on with her now.
Thanks for the prayers, Moon...

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