New User - SD18
Hi i discovered this wonderful site a while ago, I’ve been lurking and have read so much great advice already.
I’ve now written 2 huge intros with my story and asked for some advice, but I’ve somehow managed to accidentally delete them before they were posted, so here goes, but this time I’ll try and get to the point quickly!
I’ve been with DH 5 years, married for 3, he has 3 kids, SD18, SS15 and SD11, we also have BD2. Usual story, everything with the kids was great for the first 2 years, BD was high conflict but we managed to ignore. Once we were married (literally the day we returned from honeymoon) SD18, who previously I’d got on great with, took on the mantle and told a lie that I’d threatened to hit her, (thankfully DH was stood next to me when this was supposed to have happened so knows it isn’t the case!) she refused to come to our house again and blocked any contact with DH for almost 12 month
Since then every single issue from BM or SD18 has had my name attached, although I must stress I have never so much as spoken 1 word to BM, or entered into any argument with SD, I realise they are attempting to put pressure DH
My question is, we now have BD2, I’ve always been happy for DH to take her to see SD18 without me involved, but recently a lot of the issues SD18 is causing involve BD2 and I’m not willing to allow her to try and drag my daughter into her and BM ‘s evil crap
Does anyone have any experience of this and how did you deal with it? It’s almost like everyone expects me to accept that SD18 hates me, and that’s fine
Would I be wrong to stop SD18 seeing BD2, until she can act respectfully to me too?
Why would you let your young
Why would you let your young child be around a toxic liar? That's just asking for trouble. And this isn't about the SD respecting you - it's about your child's well being.
Thank you so much for
Thank you so much for replying
I feel like I question myself so much in this situation, even though I think I’m justified in how I feel, so it’s so good to find people who understand. I wish none of this nonsense had ever happened, but now it has I just can’t accept living in a family where I am the only one that’s hated, and I’m supposed to just suck it up because BD is Sd18’s sister
I never knew people could enjoy causing so much hurt and drama until I came into this situation
I feel guilty for bringing my beautiful BD into this nonsense
Protect your daughter from
Protect your daughter from these people as much as you can. Just because someone is a half sibling doesn’t mean they deserve to be around your child if they are shitty.
Stop feeling guilty, engage your brain instead of your emotions
and take action. I suggest that you shouldn't care that the toxic 18yo crotch nugget hates you . You have done nothing wrong, this is all on her, she is an adult, and she should be forced to eat her crap on this issue. Rather than worrying about it I would suggest that you make your favorite hobby barring her ass and rubbing her behaviors in her face as embarrassingly, publicly, and with as much unpleasant consequence as you can bring to bear.
I know this hurts. I have been there with my IL clan. But... I refused to let them crush my bliss and I made it my goal to bare their asses on their toxic crap. I did the same with my son's SpermClan. Set the boundaries and standards of behavior of what you will tolerate and crush any violations quickly, and brutally. The results are that we kept the toxic spermclan under control, we raised a well adjusted man of character and honor who his mom and I are very proud of, and we stopped the toxic crap in my DW's family, boxed the toxic players in, and got the whole clan moving in a positive relationship direction. We will never be able to stop managing my IL clan but things are far better than they were for more than a decade and a half.
Good luck. Take care of you.
I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. My now exSO's son lived with him (us) full time and rarely went to his BMs (oddly enough he started to frequently after my son and I left).
He not only treated me poorly, but my baby as well. The poorly rapidly turned into dangerously. I packed me and my little one up and left. He had blinders on and couldn't see it or just "couldn't believe it was on purpose". An ooops happens once. Not over and over after being told not to do something.
I hate that my BS will probably, at least on some level, have to deal with this. But it is better than living there and deal with it all the time. It was so stressful waiting for the next thing to happen. I had to hawk eye at all times.
I am deeply sorry for what you are dealing with.
No just no. They are HALF
No just no. They are HALF siblings. I know people like to ignore that fact, but I assume you are raising your DD not to be like SD. I will never leave DS15 months alone with SS9 EVER. Safety trumps half-siblings having a relationship every time.
First... Welcome.
I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful advice and perspective from others who are living the adventure of the blended family dream.
Now for my opinion. STOP SERVING YOUR DAUGHTER UP TO THIS TOXIC HAG AND HER TOXIC SPAWN!
While I completely understand that your daughter is also your DH's daughter I would not allow any interface with my daughter without me being present. That your DH does not put his foot up both his XW's ass and his 18yo daughter's ass is mind boggling to me.
SD-18 claims adulthood, is legally considered an adult and now should be held fully responsible for her lies, manipulations, etc, etc, etc.... That your DH has anything to do with this toxic spawn is beyond me. That he serves his young daughter up to the shallow and polluted gene pool that his 18yo and her mother represent is nauseating.
As for SD-18 hating you... While certainly you should accept it... you should not tolerate any toxic behavior from her. PERIOD!! Would you tolerate her crap from a random stranger? Would your DH tolerate a random stranger, casual acquaintance, family member, etc, etc, etc, speaking of or to his bride in the manner that his toxic 18yo crotch nugget does? I sure as hell hope not. And if he would... find a new husband. For that matter if he does not immediately get these two toxic hagly harpies under control .... find a new husband. As I said. That he not only tolerates this crap from his X and his "adult" daughter but serves up his baby girl to them on a regular basis is fricking crazy IMHO and makes me severely questions his character.
Good luck. Take care of you, take care of your daughter, give your DH clarity and nip this crap in the bud pronto.
Just my opinion of course.