I'm new at this, and feeling extremely frustrated with my SS14. I've read a few threads here, and realize a lot of this could be the age, but the BM is a big part of the problem too.

SS14 lives with his mother, who moved from the town where my DH lived during the divorce, so there wouldn't be a chance of shared custody. So, we have him EOW, if he shows. Forgive me if I ramble a bit, my thoughts are a bit jumbled here. SS14 has tested positive for pot twice this year. There was a serious discussion again after the second time and I can only hope he heard his dad this time, but I'm not holding my breath. SS14's HB has been picked up several times for drugs and got away without any serious punishment, so I'm sure SS14 continues to think it's no big deal. The BM is a real piece of work. She has the MOTY act down but in private screams and swears at SS14, calling him stupid and lazy. Two weeks ago SS14 got into a fight and BM kicked him out. He ended up with us for the night, swearing he wasnt going back. OK. DH was thrilled and as long as he understood that there are rules with consequences here, I was ok with having him stay. I made arrangements to enroll him in school here, only to find out that he had changed his mind and was going back. He had apologized to his BM and she was willing to give him 'one more chance'. I've lost track of how many of those he's had. I think BM realized when she sobered up, that if he stayed, she would lose her CS. I suspect some maneuvering behind the scenes that led up to this apology.

Last night is what led me to look for a site like this. I got a phone call from SS14 asking would I come pick him up, that the cops were there, he'd had a fight with his mom and needed to leave. I spoke to the cop, and he asked would I come pick SS14 up and take responsibility for him. DH works nights, so yes, I went. When I got there, I told SS14 if he was coming, he was coming to stay. That we were done with this game. SS14 talked to DH on the phone, and I waited listening to BM tell me how horrible he is. SS14 wouldn't commit to staying, thought we'd just drive him back this morning. He also thought we'd either drive the 40 miles round trip everyday to take him to school or homeschool him because he didnt want to go to the school here. He ended up not coming home with me, because again, mom put on the act and gave him one more chance. I tracked down the cop, and advised him that I did NOT have SS14 with me, that he refused to go. Cop suggested boot camp, but the military won't take him without a high school diploma and at the rate he's going, he won't graduate either. This wasn't the first visit the cop has made to BM's home.

I just don't know anymore. I have two grown kids of my own, and never had problems like this when they were growing up. Maybe my DS is right, and it's because I didn't divorce their dad til they were pretty much grown up. I love my DH, and swore that I would never let SS14 come between us. I'm trying really hard to bite my tongue and leave SS14 to his dad, but after last night, I don't know how long I can.

Any words of advice?