Needing Advise! No where else to turn
I am not sure where to start, to make a long long story short I guess... I was married for 23 years and had 2 great daughters who are very respectable girls. 1 is 25 and the other is 17. We divorced and the 17 year old lives with me. I remarried and wonderful man who is my world and my daughters love him treat him great no problems. He has 2 children 1 boy 15 and 1 girl 17. I HATE THE DAUGHTER! My current husband divorced there mother when they were very small. He has always be in and out of their lives, I am his 3rd marriage. He was a very bad drinker and has been sober for 6 years and he is a great man. His daughter hates him treats him like dirt and he does everything to please her as do his parents the last 2 years she hasnt came to our house when shes at the grand parents house his mother calls and says your daughter is her you should come see her. WHY!!! He gets there and it why are you here nobody likes you just go away, so on and so on. He goes to every game she treats him like this in front of friends and they other parents. I make plans for him and I to go out and oopse I cant my daughter has a game he has told me I am last in his life and his kids are first. I dont understand this she is horrible, they have been to counseling and other things nothing works. They were to have date night 1 time a month, that happened 1 time. they went out for half hour she came back and left. Then tells people hes not her father. Then she calls and says were suppose to go out pick a date he does he says itll have to be around these dates and times, he works 2 jobs and she gets mad says he dont have time dont worry and hangs up. I had a great night for our 5th anniversary a special night but going to her game was more important than out night it was just another day. Advise please what do I do
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You will probably be tempted
You will probably be tempted to discount my comments as I'm a male but it seems to me that if he didn't put his children first he'd not be the guy you think is so wonderful. You knew going into this that he had children but perhaps you thought he was out of their lives or since they were close to being adults they would stay away.
Now if he were here my advise to him would be to cut off all communication with kid until she changer her mind and asks to re-establish the relationship. There is a lot more to that advise but he's not here so I'm not going to go into it further.
For now he's going to be spending a lot of time trying to make up for those years and if he fails to do just that it would be on his conscious making him feel even worse than he feels now. Stay out of it. Let him go through whatever motions he has to until either the kid turns around or he figures out it isn't working and gives it up.
You're got this guy days and weeks compared to the few hours he tries to spend with her. Let him spend what time he can, let him take whatever crap she dishes to him and let him come to the conclusion as to when he's had enough. Give him a shoulder to cry on and whatever other support you can but stay out of his relationship with his daughter.