May get ugly! - Slightly off topic, but very relevant!
The engine in DH's car blew this past Friday. It SHOULD be covered under warranty (especially since the RX-8 has so many documented engine issues), but I have this bad feeling they aren't going to cover it, because DH is terrible about keeping his oil change receipts!
So, I was figuring out the finances. If DH gets stuck trading it in for a working car, it will have to be an econo-box, which he will not want. He is so upside down on the stupid thing, that I'm afraid we will not even be able to get him another car if we wanted to! Our only other alternative would be to take a lien out on my other car that is parked because it is a collector, has over 100,000 miles on it, and currently is not drivable (having problems spraying coolant everywhere, and DH has about a million excuses for not helping me find the problem on the weekend...I was planning on putting it in the shop when my profit share comes in). That will end up putting another payment on me, because DH has no money to pay for it! I already own that car outright! I don't want to get stuck paying monthly payments on a car that cannot be driven, especially car payments as high as DH's...his car payment is $200/month more than mine! Right now, DH is in my daily driver, which I don't like. That leaves me out in the middle of no-where without a working car, and if DH drives my car, it is always trashed on the inside when I get it back.
In looking at the finances, I find that after bills and expenses...BEFORE any extras are ever bought for SD14, DH is in the whole $15/month! That seriously means that anything SD14 has been getting has been coming out of my pocket! Seriously need to separate accounts and stop the bleeding! However, I know that is going to be a huge fight between DH and I! So I have to deal with SD14's crap, yet I'm the one who has been funding this child? BS!
Pray for me that the dealer decides to cover the engine! With everything dealing with SD14 the last few weeks, and all the fighting with DH because of it, the last thing I need a fight because I really don't want to pay for him to get his car fixed, but I want him out of my car! My car is not a taxi for SD14 and her boyfriend, which DH cannot say no to for some reason. Already this weekend, he was taxiing them around, claiming he already told them he would before his car blew up, and I was not happy! My car already has 85,000 miles on it, and will run out of warranty in 6 months if he drives it...I can last another 1 1/2 - 2 years easy if I only I drive it, and I don't want to be in the situation of something big breaking and me having to still pay a car payment and try to come up with a large sum of repair money!
I owned an rx8. I would
I owned an rx8. I would NEVER buy one again. Horrible car with loads of issues. Really who wants to Reve a car to 6,000 RPMs before turning it off to insure the plugs stay good :(, I onces had it towed to the dealer six times in one month (this was when it was a year old with 15,000 miles on it). Fingers crossed that the dealer covers it.
I was once married to a man
I was once married to a man who sounds a lot like your DH. Maybe not exactly the same, but similar mindsets.
My former husband HAD to have a certain kind of car, HAD to have that $5 coffee every morning, HAD to be seen wearing certain brands of clothes. The trouble is, his tastes were too expensive for his budget, and being young and stupid, I helped him pay for all of his "HAD to have" items for a while.
Then one day, we were about $10,000 in the hole with credit card debt, and I had to put the brakes on a lot of his "necessities." He screamed bloody murder! He totalled a car that he'd made one payment on (one!), the wreck was his fault, and he just assumed I'd hand over the keys to my car so he'd have something to drive. When I refused to do that, he had a bona fide temper tantrum like a two-year-old!
Fortunately, we split up relatively quickly after that, and we had no children together. I'd hate to be tied to this man forever because of kids. Last I heard (about 10 years ago), he'd declared bankruptcy and fled the state to go live with his parents. Good riddance, I say. Go be somebody else's burden.
Your DH needs to accept the reality of your situation, and YES, I'd get a separate bank account. I know that marriage is a partnership, but some things should not be shared responsibilities in my opinion. Anything his daughter needs should be paid for by HIM, not you! Bills should be split equally if at all possible, and if all he can have to drive is an econo-box, then tough cookies. He's just going to have to suck it up and live with it.
DO NOT go into debt for this man. Trust me on this. I had to get a judgment on my ex, and I never saw a penny of the money out of him for it. He left the state and left me holding the bag and paying off a lot of debt that wasn't mine. My name was on it, but it wasn't my debt.
You two need to sit down and come up with a budget and stick to it. He won't like it, trust me, but I'd make it abundantly clear, right now, that you're not going to save him financially. It's too easy for some people to get used to having that safety net there, and he'll expect you to keep on picking up the pieces and paying for everything. Don't let it happen!
Here is the worst of it. If
Here is the worst of it. If the dealer nixes replacing the engine under warranty saying he didn't get his oil changed when he should or some BS like that, he is going to blame me! He already is! "I never know if there is money in the budget to change my oil!" Really? You have NO problem demanding that I find money for SD14 to do this or that, or letting SD14 order the most expensive thing she can off the menu knowing she will only take 2 bites and the rest will eventually end up in the trash, or buying this or that for SD14 because she begs and pleas and bargains with you (though you have nothing to bargain with). Seriously, in SD14's waste alone, DH could change his oil at least twice a month, or more! So I'm not hearing that. And every time he has asked about getting his oil changed, I've told him go do it...but he will still go another 2-3 weeks claiming he doesn't have time. Ever since SD14 has been living in this house, things have been put off because the money just disappears from the account, and DH doesn't know why? He even asked me one day how it was that he was no longer paying child support, and it seemed we always had less money than we did while he was paying child support. I was quick to point out that our water bill doubled when SD14 moved in, our electric bill went up by a third, the food bill went up (she usually throws away half of her plate and/or purges after meals), and then there is all the other money that gets spent on SD14 because she is always claiming she needs clothes (because her weight fluctuates so much...she will go through bingeing periods like she is right now, and when her clothes don't fit, she throws all her clothes away and wants new ones, goes on a starvation period for months, and when the clothes are too big, throws them away and wants new ones, and on, and on), makeup, and let's not forget the cost to replace her cell phone every other month it seems! Oh, yeah, and then there are the guard expenses that come up every other month. So yeah, she is spending more than the child support you were paying, and you aren't making BM contribute at all!
Bad thing is, I had huge reservations about him buying this car when he did! My other car...the one that is parked...he bought an identical car at the same time, but two years newer. I bought my used, because of that particular year (2004 Subaru STi). I knew the car would hold it's value like crazy...you could just research that car and know why. I bought it in 2006 (it was 3 years old at the time) for $25,000...paid it off 2 1/2 years ago. Even right now, blue book on it is $15,000 with current mileage...it is starting it's trend back up just as I thought it would. Now, I don't plan on selling it...I love the car...I just like knowing it is still worth something. DH's car would have been paid off early last year, but when the oil pickup tube broke on it 4 years ago (covered under warranty, and I had the exact same thing happen on mine the year before and had further problems after it was repaired), he traded it in, even though the repair would be done under warranty. I told him...just fix the car and pay it off, but he didn't listen! He was still upside down on it, as well as he was upside down on the car he traded in for that one! So, now he was adding a crap ton to the note of this car! Both his RX-8 and my Forrester are 2010's...I bought mine used 2 years ago when the clutch went on the STi. You look at our notes right now, I owe less on my car after paying a smaller payment on it for 2 years...he has paid $200/month more for the last 4! He just started paying on the actual price of the car last year! I don't even know if he can get approved for a note on anything else being that upside down! But yeah...it will turn into my fault some how if the dealer doesn't warranty out the engine!
His car costs so much in maintenance because he doesn't do things that you should do...regular tire rotations, oil changes, etc. The tire rotations are free and extend the life of the tires! The oil changes? $50 every two months? Even when I tell him to go do it, he doesn't do it for like 2-4 weeks after that, saying he doesn't have time. Yet, he and SD14 have their happy butts planted on the couch nearly the entire day on Saturdays, while I'm doing grocery shopping, cleaning house, etc. You can't get up and go take care of your car? "Well, I like to relax on my days off!" Really? So do I, but rarely get to!
i would not borrow against
i would not borrow against your car. i would not take out a loan in your name for DH's car.
force him to get a car on his own and make the paymetn and that will force him (hopefully?) to cut down on the cash he throws away at his kid.
either create a family budget and stick to it or insist on separate accounts. many marrieds today have separate accounts regardless of whether there are kids/sk's involved.
my fiance and i live together but maintain separate accounts. if and wehn we marry we may very well keep things separate. i pay the rent, he pays food and utilities. i pay close to the equivalent into my 401K each month that he pays into child support. it works out but fortunatley he he good about saying NO to SD and her financial wants/demands.
You can't keep doing this.
You can't keep doing this. No pun intended. Admit he's a loser, you've wasted so many months/years, and now its time to put an end to his living off of you. Your profit sharing should be going into your retirement not indirectly into this guys foolish decisions and laziness. The sooner you stop throwing good time and money at this loser the sooner you can get on with your life.
It's sad, but I'm thinking
It's sad, but I'm thinking the same thing. I don't want this battle, and I don't know if the marriage will survive through it, but either he loves me enough to wake up, or I will have to go on without him. BS19 will be off to school soon, and I'm dreading life in this house without him! He is the one that cheers me up through it all...with one of his faces, voices...he has always been quite the comedian! Even on my worst days, I can't help but crack a smile when he starts doing his thing...especially when this big muscle man hugs little me with the, "Love you, mama!!"
Well, I did a bunch of
Well, I did a bunch of research yesterday, and was on DH's case about communicating with the car dealership. I seem to be the only one that cares about trying to not pay for this engine! Seriously? Luckily, I did find a bunch of stuff yesterday that should help us strong arm the dealer, such as Mazda changing the warranty in the US for the engine to 8 years or 100,000 miles, all the car experts talking about these cars going through engines like crazy because the oil that Mazda spec'd in the manuals here is actually too thin for that engine and it gunks it up, etc. I made DH call the service rep and lay all of this on him, and also demand that they find him a loaner car so that he can get out of mine!
It is no wonder SD14 is such a mess! Neither one of her parents want to do anything on their own! BM always depends on everyone else...won't even hold a job. Woman doesn't even take care of her own kid, but rather had a friend move in when they moved SD14 out to take care of the child for her! She doesn't even pay this person! DH basically doesn't do jack unless I get on to him about it...seriously...I have to tell him to file his expense reports at work (as without them, I would be paying for more of his stuff, like his gas to do his job). When he was laid off early last year, I had to be on his ass to file for unemployment! You are right, OCC...I may just have to cut my losses! Otherwise, I'm not only going to have DH draining me, but that princess SD14 will NEVER leave, and she will end up mooching off of me, too, with who knows how many rug rats!
I mean seriously...the girl is totally clueless! School was on a two hour delay today because of weather. While I'm making my breakfast (because unfortunately everyone was still home during my morning ME time because of the delay), she comes out and asks when the bus is coming. I tell her everything is on a two hour delay. She says with an attitude, "Yeah...when is the bus coming!" I have to explain to her, a two hour delay means that everything happens 2 hours later than it normally happens, so whenever the bus comes, add two hours. Seriously?
In case anyone is wondering,
In case anyone is wondering, the repairs on DH's car are again on hold until he can go to the oil change place and get a print out from them showing the history. Wonder how long that will take! Bad thing is, the tags are getting ready to run out on my car (was going through the bill drawer when paying bills, and totally forgot that my tags were due this month). But without my car, I cannot go get my tags, and of course because it is a government office, forget going on a Saturday or after 5 p.m. My work day starts at 9 a.m., and I need my car to be able to head over there to get in and out at 8 a.m.
I was looking through my pay stubs for the last year, and it appears the profit share should be in the next paycheck in 10 days. Now, I surely do NOT want DH in my car for that whole time, but I seriously do not know what other option there is except him not going to work at all...which he cannot afford! So, I'm looking at what my other car needs, as much as I don't want to make that a regular driver because the mileage already on it, etc...but I have some parts bookmarked (the radiator hoses for like $50, the oil control valves which are gummed up for $250, and I will need an oil change after that for $80)...if I have the dealer do the valves and the hoses (which will piss DH off, but he was supposed to figure out where the leak was last weekend, and never got off of his butt), I'm looking at $120 tow plus about $400 in labor. Knowing the relationship I have with the dealership (yeah...me, not my husband), they usually try to help me out, and will probably give me at least 10% off the service...at the very least, throw in the oil change. I've had this car for 11 years, and they have done all the service outside of the new radiator (that was a simple job), and they do all the service on my other car as well, as well as I bought my current daily driver from them, and I've sent several people their way, so I'm in really good with them. I figure...total cost to fix my other car is $800, and hopefully nothing else will go south on it if I start driving it again. That would only be a portion of my profit share, and the rest I can use on BS19's wisdom teeth, and maybe a little something for myself...made it very clear to DH yesterday that this was my plan when I got the money...hint, hint, if ANY money is required for his car, he better figure out a way to borrow the money from his friends or something, cut out his $15/day junk food habit, etc.
And I don't care if all SD14 is getting for her birthday is inexpensive boots! I'm not buying her jack with my profit share! The girl thinks that we are going to rush out and enroll her in driver's education so she can get her permit now and her license on her 16th! HA!!! I'm not paying for her to drive, and DH can't afford her to drive...she can want her license and a car for quite a while! She can't even tell the truth about a missing piece of cake! All she had to say was, "Oh, I'm sorry...didn't realize." I'm not even telling DH when the money is coming in...he will just come home and find the car gone, and I'll say, "Oh...forgot to tell you...I had it towed to the dealer today so they could get it running again!"
OMG! DH FINALLY helped me
OMG! DH FINALLY helped me take a look at my other car, and is off to get the part to at least make it driveable! AND, he actually went to get his oil change records today, and faxed them to the dealer!!! I'm in shock! Maybe me yelling at him about it again yesterday and making it clear the profit share was being spent on me and BS19 kicked his butt into action! I also made it super clear I was not happy about being stuck at the house without a working car!