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Lying, Defiance and Disrespect - anyone else have this??!

jobar57's picture

I am just hopping mad at the disregard my fiance's 12 year old son continues to exhibit.

When I moved from NY to CA to be with my fiance, a lot of my things had to go in his garage. One door is broken and the desert dust gets all over the place, but we took the cushions from my expensive couch (which doesn't fit in his tiny house) and put them behind the closed garage door that works..the base of the couch is covered with an army blanket to keep it from getting too messed up. Hopefully when we move someday we'll have room for it.

Anyhow I went out to the garage today to exercise, my treadmill is out there. The expensive couch cushions were thrown off the top of the entertainment center they had been sitting on and were flung on the filthy dusty garage floor. I was livid. Both the 12 year old and his 17 year old brother denied doing it and blamed it on their 19 year old brother (who was home for a month and just went back to college). My stuff was fine thru Sat night and the 19 year old left Sunday morning so it wasn't him. I tend towards seeing the 12 yo as the culprit (as does his dad my fiance) because he has had a habit of throwing his bike and other stuff on top of my things before, plus he leaves constant messes all over the place. His dad said if they both continued to deny it they would both be punished, 17 yo would lose computer privileges for a day and 12 yo for the entire week. 12 yo got all indignant and continued to yell he didn't do it and I said well the stuff didn't fly three or four feet through the air, over two pieces of furniture and onto the ground by itself. And yet both boys were actually trying to make me believe that! The friggin 12 yo said "well ghosts do exist." It would have been laughable if I wasn't so pissed off. He continued with his sulkiness and said "I don't care if you punish me." Then he proceeded to clean out his room (at his dad's orders) and left a mutant ton of laundry about four feet high in the laundry room, which I REFUSED to do so his dad made him start it.

Then the two boys went out back to supposedly build a pen for our new dog so she wouldn't get out, but mind you this was almost 9 pm and we have a house rule they are supposed to be in their rooms at 9 and bed by 10 so we can have some adult time (there's only one big room in this house for everyone to congregate in, no internet or tv in their rooms we can't afford it so they resist going in there, I don't care they can clean up, read or do playstation for an hour and learn to use the imagination God gave them). Of course fiance doesn't go out and make them come inside till almost 10:30. Meanwhile they have school tomorrow. The inconsistency of the bedroom rule is bad enough, but the blatant disrespect for my property (an almost $900 couch) and the lying infuriate me. I was crying for quite a while and this behavior has made me cry a lot lately. The 12 yo is full of back talk and a real wise guy. If it weren't for the fact that I'm unemployed and only have unemployment coming in, I'd move out and get my own place till the 12 yo was 18 and out! The constant ignoring of rules and disrespect drives me crazy. My own bs and bd never treated me this way when they were growing up and I am at a loss to know how to handle it. I don't have much patience at my age for having to raise kids all over again anyway. I wish they were of age and gone, especially the young one.

ddakan's picture

They sound like typical skid! I have bs12 and ss17 so I understand their ages. I'm sure they think your room time is off the chart insane. I'd say 11 for the 17 year old and 10 for the 12 year old.

They are not real careful about whatever they do and they probably don't do half of it to irritate you as much as they are just stupid kids.

It would be hard for me to take on skids now that mine are almost raised. You seem so unhappy and they don't seem to be going anywhere. You are outnumbered by men in that house, aren't you?? we have 4 boys but we also have 3 girls, which makes it bearable.

You need some serious girl time and some peace so you can figure out what you want to do. Rest would probably help more than you know. Good luck with all this.

2timemom's picture

Im in the same place as you,but Im married,all I can say is get your stuff and leave,save yourself all the pain and crap that will follow if you stay,Im not meaning to be negative just trying to help