Lovely brunch ?
So yesterday was a bit of a cluster.
SS14 was supposed to come to our house in the afternoon after a brunch with my DH, DD21 and her BF at some great brunch place with amazing brunch cocktails. They are both graduating from college this spring and I wanted to discuss some ideas for grad presents with them.
15 mintues before DH and I were to leave for brunch, BM texts - "Son wants to go to brunch with you".
DH says oh, hey Son wants to come to brunch. Is that ok? I'm like well, I kind of set this up for this time today so that it would be just DD and her BF. Can we just pick up SS after?
Also I am thinking - we talked about boundaries - though it falls on deaf ears - and why would BM or SS even know we are going to brunch? BM is very manipulative and I am working with DH to give her only the info she needs - lest things like this happen...
DH says it'll be fine.
Right, oh like the time SS was adamant he had to get home because he wasn't feeling well. Only to miraculously recover and game for the next 13 hours straight with friends. Or the time SS sat pouting and kept asking when we were going - then said he was going to the restroom but instead proceded to start walking home! We walked around the restaurant and parking lot for 20 minutes before I started the drive home and found him on the entrance ramp to the highway. He just cannot handle when he doesn't get his way. I just wanted an hour and a half to have a nice adult brunch.
DH runs to get SS. SS walks in and says, yeah I didn't want to go to church. So mom said I could go to brunch with you guys... So once again, the actual story is slightly different from what was presented to me.
How may other options were there? 1. SS is 14, he could have stayed home by himself. But BM still thinks he's "not ready" for that yet. 2. BM could have been an actual parent and said well church is a thing we do and you are going. 3. DH could have not shared anything about brunch in the first place and 4. DH could have said, sorry but this is an adult brunch. We will come by and get you afterward as planned.
So brunch: SS orders lemonade,slams 4 large glasses of it. Sits and moans that he is uncomfortable. Blames DH for "letting" him get 4 glasses of lemonade. Orders the french toast but didn't read the full description - it's bread pudding french toast with pecans. SS hates nuts. So sits and pouts about his "disgusting" food. Has to go to the restroom 3 times. Once without event. Once he tripped on his shoe laces and dumped his chair over. Once he ran around the corner and ran into a server. Luckily he only had a tray with a small cup of coffee creamer and the sugar packet container thingy. On the way home, SS wants to stop at McDonalds...
This is why I wanted a nice adult brunch.
AITA??
You are not. I would print
You are not. I would print out a copy of your description of today's brunch antics and read it to your DH. If he agrees it is a true and accurate account, keep a copy on hand for him to read the next time he wants to include SS.
Ugh - what indulgent and ineffective parents.
You could have said no. You
You could have said no. You choose not to for some reason. You could have left DH at home. Make a different choice next time.
Since your DH is unable to
Since your DH is unable to set boundaries then you need to. “No DH SS14 will not be coming with us to brunch, it’s for adults only. If you insist on picking him up then I will see you when I get home.”
This. Totally agree.
This. Totally agree.
It was a lunch YOU arranged for your adult daughter and her BF. You invited your H to come along. That doesn't give him carte blanche to bring his kid along too.
Take charge next time.... don't let it happen again.
Easy solution. NO!
Keep It Stupid Simple.
KISS
Your DH seems incapable of parenting or making adult decisions. No is the solution. Lather ..... rinse..... repeat.
I'll bet your DH, at some
I'll bet your DH, at some point said to SS, "Hey buddy, I'm looking forward to seeing you after brunch with other people at X place!" And then it's off to the races! SS says he doesn't want to be left out, that he "wants to go, that he loves brunch and loves that place (all irrelevant even if he has experience with this)..." Therefore your DH is all sad for SS for being left out and having no nice brunch. Poor SS.
FFS - NO. I would have point blank told DH that NO KIDS were invited. And if you suspected that he's show up anyway, moved the location entirely so you had one on one time with your family. And if that all didn't work, I would have taken DH aside and said "either you leave or we leave NOW and you will leave a giant tip for the server."
Not that I know anything about skids and restaurants.
SS walks in and says, yeah I
If only we could think of the response in advance -- Mom didn't understand the plans. I'm going to brunch. Your dad is figuring out breakfast for you.
I'd let husband know today
I'd let husband know today that there will be no more go withs in the future. If he brings SS along the next time the two of them will no longer be going. a 14 year old should not act like a 4 year old and until he grows the heck up, he and Daddy can stay home and split a frozen waffle.
I wouold have looked at him
I wouold have looked at him dead in the eyes said "Stop being a little shit. This is why you weren't supposed to come to this brunch to begin with. Sit up, act right- NOW." The I would have looked at my husband and told him to control his child or the 2 of them can leave. You will get home later.
NO
NO, You are not the a*hole. Next time make sure SS has plans when you plan your event. Maybe don't even tell DH about it until you are on your way. If DH asks why you kept it a secret, tell him he can't keep a secret and you didn't want SS14 inviting himself. You deserve a peaceful day without that little nightmare child.
"This is an adults only event."
Kids need to hear this periodically. AKA, another formulation of "No!".