Just so tired of it all with SS - drugs, disrespect, failing school
I'm just so tired of it all, both my SO and I are. We've tried to raise him the best we can, we fought for custody to give him stable living at his request - it didn't matter. We sent him to rehab due to drugs (pills and weed), anger management classes, police intervention, professional counseling, sober high schools (45 minutes away from our place that we need to drive him too), got him a job and he still just continues to sh*t on us. We're useless parents, we never supported him, we can go f*ck ourselves, he hates us, meth heads are better parents then us, etc.
We've told him that if he has anywhere else to go, he is more then welcome to move out. He wants us to pay for college, but isn't pulling a 2.0 in a super easy high school. This will be his 5th high school in 4 years. I just don't know what to do anymore, I know teens are dense but this is something more. We've compared notes to other parents in the same high school, no one is the same as him - but of course to these parents, he's super sweet and we're lucky to have him as a son. This has always been his pattern, he's a monster behinds doors but to everyone else, he's the perfect child. We are setting a timeframe for him that come tax return and FAFSA forms, he needs to come up with a plan for after high school otherwise he will be evicted.
We don't know what else to do, he would be perfectly content having us foot the bill for the rest of our lives. Seriously, what 17 year old starts crying and acting all upset because their mom goes out for an evening? The kid needs someone around him 24/7, otherwise he feels like he isn't loved and we're forgetting about him. When we ask him about his after high school plans, he responds it's too much stress and he might relapse (more then the 3 times he has already in 2 months), so he just wants to relax for now. He's been saying the same thing for 2 years now, with no future plans.
I really don't know what else to do, he refuses to be an adult and wants to be coddled for his life while being treated like an adult who doesn't have to pay bills. Sorry for the incoherent paragraphs, I'm just going gray right now from this. 5 months to graduation, 8 til 18.
A HUGE part of relapse
A HUGE part of relapse prevention is responsible living. It is not enough just to quit using. You must learn to be an honest, responsible, and contributing member of society. The dependency, lack of motivation, blaming you are all just addictive behaviors that led up to the relapse.
I'm sorry to say this but he
I'm sorry to say this but he may just be a throw away kid. Sometimes you just have to get rid of toxic sludge.
Not everyone can be fixed.
Does your husband have the
Does your husband have the courage to tell him that by the end of the summer of graduation year he will either be paying rent or living elsewhere? Like the mother bird to tosses a chick out of the nest to fly or die a human parent often has to do the same.
Children who must pay rent often figure out quickly that if they're going to pay rent they might as well find a roommate and rent an apartment of their own. If your husband doesn't think its right to charge rent tell him the money can be set aside for when the kids marries or actually does go to college.
Enabling this kid is not good for the kid or for his (step) parents. Upon graduation it will be time to stop coddling him. He will be petiful to watch as he goes through the stages of trying to keep his good thing going but now is the time for Daddy to be a parent.
If you want to take things into your own hands you can talk to him privately and tell him in effect: "Listen I'm tired of this bullshit. Start planning on what you're doing after graduation because by the end of summer you're out of here. If you want to relapse you go right ahead its you that will end up dying in the gutter not me".
If he goes whining to Daddy just ask "Is he back on drugs again"? I.e. I never said such a thing. Daddy may not believe you but the kid will especially if you start making comments on what your plans are for his bedroom when he's gone when Daddy can't hear. "I think this will make a perfect sewing, hobby, guest etc. room".
It's scary but someone has to push this kind into the real world. Drugs and all.
Oh my God. I feel your pain.
Oh my God. I feel your pain. I am dealing with the exact kind of situation and dont know what to do. Read my blog for the background. I am not married to my SO but engaged. What did you do to deal with this? Has the kid been to rehab? What is Dad doing to work on this?