Just call my target
So I just had to post a conversation had between my DH and SD15 as told to me by DH. SD is complaining about her 3 month old cell phone bought brand new that is not working properly and wouldn't be able to be in contact with her BF. Oh and her dad. She has not kept a working cell phone for more than a few months. This has been a standing argument between my DH and I.
We do not have the extra cash to buy a new phone and he had to borrow money from his mother for the last $200 phone. SD said that she is tired of being told that we don't have the money for things. We had a discussion with her a couple months ago that if she needed anything to let her dad know and we would work it in to the budget but we may not always be able to afford non necessity things. Those things would be considered for birthdays or Christmas. She already thinks that I get to buy whatever I want but I save up a small allowance I give myself(and my DH) to buy non necessities.
From the beginning of my relationship with my DH I have made sure that I never came between my DH and SD15. Always stepping back during her visits and encouraging them to spend more time together. SD has been cancelling visits and cuting visits shortl in order to be with her BF and friends she has at her BM's. Now it seems that she feels that her dad's world revolves around me. In all honesty, our world seems to revolve around her. Never know when she'll come for her weekend or summer or holiday visits since she only gives us a couple days notice when she isn't coming. Making plans is not possible. Then during her visits she hides out in her room or is on her cell phone with her BF or friends when she is in our presences.
My response to DH...I am tired of being a target for SD15 when she isn't even trying. I am tired of DH complaining to me about SD then kissing her butt and giving her what she wants when she is here. I don't want to hear about their problems and he is responsible for finding this money we don't have to get her what we can't afford.
His child. His problem. I have washed my hands of her a long time ago. She burned this bridge.
it's my money and you do not
it's my money and you do not have a say in how I spend it little girl.
Well said Sally. I agree fully. I could not spend a penny on my DD without all 3 skids being pissed. They hated I even spoke to my DD. They hated that I was kind, loving and never harmed my DD with my words. They hated me for not being just like their BM. So sad how all our skids think they are entitled to everything SM owns BUT THEY HATE US???? Funny how they make no effort, do not want to be bothered but blame SM when no one pays attention to them when it is them that does not pay attention to anyone else unless it benefits them. Funny how it becomes "dad and his new family" when they refuse to respond, refuse to get up, refuse to participate in family activities. God forbid life goes on without them. They want everyone sitting, waiting, FOR THEM 24/7.
OP you told your DH the right answer.
Now I get a call for DH to
Now I get a call for DH to say that SD called grandma last night to complain about a blow up SD and I had over a year ago that I apologized to her for because I overreacted. She said it was all good. This is such BS. She is being such a baby. Now I have to tolerate her this weekend. Maybe I'll go shopping and hog DH to myself.
Oh yeah. She has said things
Oh yeah. She has said things about me my worst enemy wouldn't even say.
That's what I told DH.
That's what I told DH.
I fixed this. I told my
I fixed this. I told my husband we could get SD an iPhone 3, exactly like mine if her iPhone 5 wasn't working. Suddenly her 5 worked great.
I knew this would happen when
I knew this would happen when I got a new phone with my own money.
I can so, so relate to the
I can so, so relate to the phone problem! HHB has been through more phones than I can count. I flat out refuse to allow DH to get her a new phone...EVER! The phone she has now, I found out, was BS20's old iPhone 4 that had a broken screen. DH gave it to HHB and told her if she got the screen fixed, she could use it. I wasn't happy about DH giving HHB BS20's old phone, but I did have to give him props in making her fix the broken phone if she wanted to use it! She had been bugging for an iPhone...and since DH used her upgrade to get his 6+, and I flat out refused to allow him to give her his iPhone 5S that we are still paying for (with the way AT&T does things now)...so she got stuck with a slow as hell iPhone 4...bwahahaha!
But before that, we had resorted to buying HHB the AT&T Go Phones when she broke a phone and we were mid-contract on it. The folks at AT&T gave us this idea. We would buy the $20 "dumb" phone and put her SIM in it, and she could use it on our plan! She would be stuck with that until she came up for an upgrade. The last phone we go her on contract, we got the protection on. We had to use it twice, at $50 per replacement! Then, supposedly some friend gave her a Windows smartphone, which was fun at first, but then she didn't like...so DH gave her the broken iPhone 4.
You could also check out eBay if your provider doesn't have anything like the cheap "dumb" phones we used to get HHB.
I totally understand the money thing, too. Every month, either BM or HHB is complaining about money and trying to get DH to cover things outside of the child support that he isn't legally obligated to do. Keep in mind, DH pays a hefty amount of child support! Month before last, it was BM crying that she needed him to raise the child support (HHB "needed" a new dress and shoes to go to the prom with her now ex-girlfriend). Last month when DH dropped off support, he and HHB were outside talking, and HHB was crying that BM and SF keep saying they don't have money to buy her the things she "needs". DH suggested to her that maybe she should get a job now that she is 16, and it's the summer (golf claps for DH)! HHB was saying that she "needed" clothes...um, the girl has more clothing than me and DH combined! She took two laundry baskets full with her when she moved back to BM's. About 2 months ago, she took another BIG box full of clothing. There is still at least 2 laundry baskets of clothes in the room here! I told DH he needed to box up the rest and take it to her, since she is obviously hurting for clothing so badly! Oh, wait...I know why she needs new clothes! Just look at her Instagram...girl has been going crazy on the junk food since she moved back with BM, and has gained at least a good 20 lbs from what I can tell in the pictures! Instead of new clothing...how about quit laying around all the time and quit eating junk!
In all of this, BM notices the watch DH was wearing...one that he has been wearing for a year now! I got it for him for our anniversary last year! See, WE have the money to cover HHB's requests, but DH doesn't! I make 150% of DH's salary. I'm already covering part of DH's half of his financial responsibility to this house. No way in HELL am I going to buy anything more for HHB! I decided that over a year ago. DH told me about BM questioning about the watch, and I had to say it..."I guess she thinks you make more money than you do? She doesn't realize that I actually have a good job?" DH just laughed it off...but it pissed me off a little bit.
I found with my SS when he
I found with my SS when he was in the terrible teens that not giving him things was the best route. He always had what was needed but rarely had the latest and greatest. When all of his friends had the latest game system he had none, he got a system 3-5 years after his friends had them, same with phones. He had the Nokia stick phone with the number key pad and the flashlight. He got hand me down phones over the years. At nearly 23yo this has resulted in him pretty much not having to have the latest and greatest. While his USAF buddies are buying the latest IPad, phones, cars, etc... he has no Ipad, upgrades his phone rarely, and still drives his 2011 car that we gave him as a combo HS Graduation/Christmas/Enlistment gift.
At 23 he has several $Thousand in the bank. An amount of money that I did not have in my bank accounts until I was in my late 20s. He regularly cogitates in discussions with us how his friends are always broke, can't do the things they want to do, and give him crap about always having money. We don't give him money. He earns and saves his own. We do pay his car insurance since that allows us to keep insurance for ourselves. We do not own a car and maintaining family coverage on his car keeps us covered. Of course the few hundred extra it costs us to keep him on our policy each year saves him quite a bit but it is a mutually beneficial arrangement.
So, denying kids what they want when they want it does appear to be an effective way to teach them the critical life lesson of valuing what is necessary and that needs outweigh desires. At least in the case of my mutant adopted step spawn.
Omg, I am not alone.
Omg, I am not alone.
She does get paid for chores
She does get paid for chores and grades but she isn't doing most of the chores. Dad is and he still pays her. That is his problem. He tells me he's not going to buy her something then turns around and buys it. I have to hear him complain yet again but know that he will give in as usual. He says he doesn't know what to do. The truth is he knows what to do and just doesn't want to do it for fear of making her upset. Boo flipping who.
She's trying to blame you for
She's trying to blame you for her not seeing her dad. Of course its not because she wants to spend time with the BF - it's your fault - you make her "uncomfortable" She's trying to guilt him into buying her what she wants.