It’s petty but still
Dh had a huge come to Jesus with ss16 last night because for the 3D week in a row he didn't show up to our house (we are supposed to have them M-w), didn't answer calls and turned location services off. After DH finally had to contact BM they got ahold of him and he called DH. Needless to say, there was a firm discussion about respect and accountability- the boy literally lies about everything. BM has zero rules and zero consequences the kids get anything and away with anything; she even texted DH to Not be hard on him, he's just a 16 year old boy blah blah. Anyway he finally comes to our house and all he can Talk about is how he is planning a surprise party for his mom and how awesome it's going to be. I've been in their life for 2 years now and they haven't gotten DH a single bday or Father's Day, Christmas anything for him..... I even try to offer money or take them shopping. DH is not mean; he is the most kind hearted loving father I've ever met. He makes sure kids treat him with respect but he never has raised his voice or even grounded them. We just have boundaries at our home. Anyway it just flies all over me.... it's not like it's even a special birthday (44). Ugh it all just gets under my skin and this seems like the only safe place I can vent. I've joined Facebook groups but I can't post anonymously.
Same here
I've been in this situation for 25 years and SD has never given DH a gift of any kind - birthday, Christmas, or Father's Day. A text on Father's Day is as good as it gets, and that is sporadic.
It's sad and then they sit at
It's sad and then they sit at dinner and just keep on talking about all the details. I had to bite my tounge so hard not to tell them to shut up about it. So disrespectful to their dad..... I honestly think this is ss16 way of getting back after the discussion last night. It's like he's going above and beyond to make mom Look like a saint when she is literally a horrible mother.
Age 16 is old enough to understand what is and is not
Age 16 is old enough to understand what is and is not appropriate dinner time conversation. And discussing the party you are throwing for your Mom with your Dad, when they are divorced, is not appropriate or necessary. DH should shut down or re-direct the conversation.
Oh I completely think he's
Oh I completely think he's doing it on purpose to get under our skin. DH is such a good man that he's not shut it down. He just is one of those people that doesn't seem to let anything bother him at least on the outside. SS stayed in his room the rest of the evening because he had phone calls and planning to do...I just wish they wouldn't even come anymore. It's just stressful every week and it's obvious they don't want to be here.
Personally I feel at 16, if
Personally I feel at 16, if he doesn't want to visit, then don't have him visit. He is making it very obvious that he isn't interested. Even making it a point to have his visit uncomfortable and miserable for everyone. Yes, he is old enough to do this on purpose. He is probably thinking "Well my Dad wants me to come over so bad, I'm going to do something to make him NOT beg for me to come over." Kids are smart. I wouldn't put it past him. Next time, if DH can get in contact and just know he is safe, I would let it be. Just IMHO.
I agree and he is old enough
I agree and he is old enough but his mom works out of town when they are supposed to be with us so he's basically a 16 with freedom to do anything with no supervision whatsoever for half the week along with his younger sibling because she wants to be right in the middle of the poor behaviors as well(we have proof of drinking and other activities). Biomom just needs to start parenting.
Same here
I have 6 skids...2 of them are raised by a different woman & it shows. They aren't disrespectful to us...the other 4 skids are raised by a similar BM to you! She lets the oldest who just turned 15 drive her car with no license, got arrested for cannabis and hasn't told my DH anything. So, just to rewind a bit.... my husband and I moved to New Mexico in 2019. The kids live in Indiana still. My husband has always pays his child support been there for the kids. We used to go above and beyond the child support joint custody 50-50 order. Both of us have. And ever since his job got transferred here and we moved here, their mother has been brainwashing them to hate us talk shit about us in front of them. Tells them adult business with a side of lies and jealousy.... she lets those kids do whatever they want to do. She is gone 18 out of the 24 hours of the day. She has the oldest Sd15 Watch all the other kids. And she's the one that's smoking, having sex, and running the streets doing whatever she wants to do. They hate us because we have rules boundaries, we don't let them do whatever they want on the Internet and that's a big thing that they hate about us and because they got yelled at like it's our jobs to put you in line. Like my stepdaughter Has said some very nasty stuff to us; and we can't deal anymore. She served my husband court papers on the same day that his auntie died. And he was trying to talk to the kids only on FaceTime and she had to jump on I'm sorry for your loss she always comes in the room and interrupts FaceTime calls or video calls uses the children social media accounts to act like she's the kids oh it's been a hell of a last couple years. And she hasn't let the kids come out here to see us. Our eldest stepdaughter literally needs mental help and the mom is too lazy… I feel your pain sister I didn't know other step moms. Went through the same pain that I have I felt this post with every bit of my soul
Suggestion
And when we were having those kind of problems when the kids didn't wanna come over anymore and they want to be with their mom and their friends over in the projects. We gave them the choice come over or not on the weekends and they didn't come for over a year and a half before we moved and then they got all upset when we moved. I'm like you guys never visited us when we were there so what does it matter?! They only came when they were forced to by BM or if my DH wanted to see his kids… he is old enough...let him not come over, give him the choice. He is old enough...
I agree he is old enough but
I agree he is old enough but definitely not mature enough. He doesn't have his license yet and runs around with people much older who make many poor choices. Him and SD are caught in lies allthe time and BM I feel like just encourages it. I'm just tired of it. Personally I'd rather not even deal with them if I have to hear the lies all the time. I just worry as a mom should for their safety and also if something bad happens to one of them on a day when they are supposed to be with us, will it fall on DH?