with these teenage girls. My DH will occasionally do this with the SS's & when he was manic anything I said = I hate your boys.

I think your plan is a good one & you need to follow it.

Because SD15 is so much more important to him than am I or our two BDs (4 and 1).

Here is my husband's priority list:
Himself
SD 15
BDs 4 and 1 (about equal)
Me

It has caused a big rift in our marriage (which he hasn't even noticed). He thinks it's just me being moody. Whatever. Get some balls and stand up to your teenage child and then I'll think about respecting you again.

Dh isn't extreme thank goodness but he has done that a few times. The most recent episode, which was months back, was over a Sprint bill. She lied, he believed her, I had proof and he chose to ignore it and belived her over the phone company. It still makes me mad. He coddles ss too; to the point of making me want to gag.

Dh is a really good guy and sadly, it has definately tarnished my opinion of him.

We did try counseling before this. I guess it helped a bit with some issues-mainly the fact that his head was so far up bm's butt that it was making me nuts and making me feel very second to her.

There are still issues and while I am glad that we don't have too many the ones we do have drive me nuts. I definately feel that there is a wedge in between us. It is hard when you do not share kids. It instantly puts you in opposite corners.

Do try counseling. I hope it works for you.

Georgie

As I read most of the posts, it seems that there's a really sick enabling thing that seems to be part & parcel in these relationships between divorced/remarried men and their teen/adult daughters.

For some reason the fathers just can't set the bar high for their daughters--they coddle and spoil these princesses and won't listen when a voice of reason suggests that there might be a problem.

Why do they set the bar for decent human behavior so low for their own children? Why would any parent do that?

In the end, it's so unfair to the daughters! They'll get into the real world with real men and behave like the beasts their fathers created. I know. My DH has 4 adult daughters, and not one of them is a fully functional adult human being. The have unstable relationships with unstable men, are willing to subject themselves to verbal and physical abuse (no self respect), have drug problems, and still whine like little kids when DH is around them. Makes me ill.

And DH created that! By setting low standards for them as children and teens, he created adult women with low standards for themselves.

That they have already failed in a relationship with a female and feel they don't want to do it again. So, by having NO expectations of their daughters, their daughters can never let them down.

I know as a child that I had my dad wrapped around my little finger to some degree but not to the point that he ignored bad behavior totally. I really don't think some DH's are equipped to parent children by themselves, they are so use to the mother doing it and calling when they need backup. My DH would be perfectly happy with me doing all the parenting of SD as long as everything was rainbows and cotton balls but when it comes down to getting into the trenches he just caves. I told DH the other day that he really needs to understand that I am the head bitch in my house, period! He gets to be the head a$$hole (lol) but everyone in our house needs to understand who pays the bills and runs the show. Sometimes they just need to find their balls I guess.

~Evil

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren