I am brand new to this group and I need someone to vent too. I have a 14 year old SD. I came into her life 3.5 years ago. She currently resides with her mom full time and only sees her dad and I every second weekend. However, we have noticed a significant change in how she acts. Her dad has been fighting to create a relationship with her for years and nothing happens. He cannot have conversations with her about ANYTHING. Either she gives one word answers, or the conversations make her feel uncomfortable and she cries and goes home to mom. She sleeps till noon all the time. Lives in front of the tv. Grunts and groans when its time to do small chores. Gives attitude when we have to go out somewhere. Does not say please and thank you. (She has to be told, like a 5 year old). She is incapabable of making her own desicions on things, she needs someone to do it for her (Like telling her when to shower and put on deodorant). She has no respect for other people. My parents feel very unwelcomed and ignored by her when they come to visit. Same with my MIL. She does not spend time with her granddaughter for these reasons. She is constantly giving people a smartass attitude. She shows no emotion or says sorry when she is in the wrong.  She has no interest in being a part of this family and it shows. I believe she lies to her dad about certain things or only tells him what he wants to hear so he will stop talking to her.  This has been going on for a few years now and her dad and I are at the point where we are beyond frustrated. I have tried to like his daughter to the best of my ability, and have tried to be there and guide her in the right direction, but there is no mutual respect. I have given up on her. Every time she comes here now, there in tension in our home. I know that her mom is batshit crazy. I have heard stories from people who know her, and I have heard how she talks to my husabnd on the phone. She lays alot of blame on him for things, and I strongly believe that her mom is the cause of all this.  My stress levels rise just thinking about the whole thing, its even worse when my SD comes here. I have tried speaking to my husband about this and tried coming up with solutions, but he does nothing. Or he does say something and then does not stick to it. He is afraid that if he is too hard on her that she will not want to come here anymore.

Normally I love kids, but honestly, this one, I cannot stand. I understand that she is a teenager and going through life. But to act like this, does not sit well with me. I went through a smiliar situation when I was her age. I grew up with a SM and she was horrible to me and lied to my dad about things. I was scared to be near her or tell my dad the truth as she made me out to be a liar. I told myself that if I ever met someone who had kids of their own, that I would learn to love them as my own not not treat them the way I was treated, or be the kind of SM I had. However, my SD has made that extreamely difficult, to the point of me not even wanting her here anymore. My husand (Her dad) and I are happy people all the time when she is not here, we are out enjoying life. But the moment her weekends approch, the atmoshpere changes, we waste our weekends away in front of a TV, there is no conversations. Its literally a waste for my husand and I. I am so fed up with everything. What do I do?