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Feeling used, under appreciated!

belle_27's picture

I haven't posted in years, everything was going so well with our family unit and all finally sussing each other out and forming relationship that suit everyone.

Now my step kids are Sd12 and Ss14, and it's all going pear shaped as they are teenagers.

We don't have bio kids yet but will be trying this year, but I'm so sick of always feeling crap. Always getting attitude none of the bonding and close relationship a bio parent would get. I'm just the maid, cook and cleaner who gets a million eyes rolls and ignored.

Just so unfair as I would and do everything for them and I'm still nothing to him!!!!

Orange County Ca's picture

Is that your picture in the Post above? Maybe you should be in modeling, movies or TV acting.

Parenting as a thankless job and step-parenting the most thankless of them all.

How much is Daddy stepping up? They're his kids he should be doing an awful lot more than in a "normal" household. It's going to get a lot worse with babies - are you sure?

Have you considered disengaging? You can fully or partially disengage as your situation seems to warrant. Take a gander at the following:

http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html

belle_27's picture

My DH is fantastic, he has always stepped up and does a lot more than the average.

I think it's more the emotional connection and relationship with the kids that makes me really resentful. My DH gets all the hugs and love and I don't at all.

We are more than excited to have a baby so I can experience the bond and love with my own child and be so busy with the baby, I won't get so upset over wanting a relationship with them that I'm just not going to be able to obtain.

This weekends just been crap and gets me down that I try so hard and get nothing in return but hey I guess that's parenting!!

Fulltimewitch's picture

I know just how you feel. And my SD's 15 and 18 live here fyll time. When they were little we got along great. Now the look at me like I am a piece of dirty gum stuck to the bottom of their shoes.

Teenagers will throw the book at you, and being the stepparent only gives them an extra chapter to hurl.

I am afraid it will get worse before it gets better. Try the disengaging. It makes for peace of mind.

belle_27's picture

Hahaha yep, that's how I feel, because I'm the step parent it gives them extra reasons to give extra attitude. They aren't flat out nasty to me but living with teenagers that aren't your own kids is bloody hard work!! Which you are years ahead of me so I'm sure we got years left of this. I feel for you if you have them 100% that would send me over the edge we are currently 50%.

My SS14 isn't the issue, he is just a forgetful teenage boy. it's the SD12 who is really testing us. I'm disengaging with her but my DH picked up on it within a day and thinks it better to try and confront her and deal with it openly as he knows ill get more angry and hurt.

My DH are trying to get our game plan going with us not fighting with each other but we both get very frustrated and of course get upset.

I guess it was so great we had it all worked out and I guess it didn't click that as they get older the relationships will always change.

Fulltimewitch's picture

I am finding it very hard to deal with teens. So I may not be the best advice giver. Haha. I can deal with mess and laziness and selfishness...I can not deal with the condescending attitude, and the lies and openly disobedience. It was hard with my own kids but it seems much harder with skids. The relationship changes bigtime, at times into a mere state of just about tolerating eachother.

I try to pick my battles carefully. And I keep reminding meself that it will pass. I do enough for myself to prevent me loosing my sanity, and I vent a lot when and where I can.