Don't want to live with 19 year old SS. Need advice.

Forums:

My 18 year old SS will graduate high school late in November this year. He plans to go to trade school for two years then live with us for a year or two after he graduates while he looks for work and saves up for an apartment.

All well and good, but I can't stand him for the usual reasons, his room is like a homeless man lives there, he actually invited an 18 year old homeless friend to live with us recently, and screamed at me and called me a bitch when I tried to explain why his friend, who lllooked like a grown man, could not stay with us indefinitely.

He expects me to prepare all his meals at whatever hour/whenever he decides to show up from smoking weed with his friends, or else keep the refrigerator stocked with expensive microwave foods and snacks that he doesn't have to cook. He screams at me that I'm starving him though I tell him a million times that if he tells me when he will be home and actually comes home at that hour, I will have dinner waiting for him.

He screams at me or groans every time I ask him to do anything. He does no chores.

He has had lots of drug problems and juvinile arrests in the past . Now he "only smokes weed and K2!"

I'm tired.

I have a 5 year old autistic boo son who needs attention every minute.

My bio son is not in school full time or at all during the summer so I can't work, and and don't have a lot of money. Our family relies on food stamps and medical assistance for all our insurance. SS recently got a summer job at a fast food place, and so human services is counting his income against my son's disability grant and husbands income.(which I he spends all of on weed.)...

Anyways, the govt asked for info about SS's income and he is screaming at me at the top of his lungs calling me a bitch tonight, refusing to fill out a brief 3 question income form even though I told hom he and the rest of the family including his dad and my 5 year old would lose their insurance if he didn't fill out the form with me for 5 minutes, after I waitied all day to ask him nicely, and let him sleep until 5 oclock because he said he was too tired to do the form earlier in the day when he emerged from his filthy room to rummage through the fridge in hos boxers, high as a kite, and ignoring my mom, who is visiting for the first time in three years.

Sorry this is so long, my question is, do I have to live with and support this kid while he goes to a dead end trade school and takes two years after graduation to find a job as a greasemonkey? (He wants to be a car mechanic and wont accept any advice about college. He is graduating mid year, so I fear this will add an extra year to the launch process.) I've put up with SS for 9 years, and I'm a 46 year old mom of an autistic child. When do I get to live, and enjoy my husband and child and our home? I don't want to sacrifice 4 more years to SS. Tired of his drama and laziness and arrogance and tantrums. His screaming made my little 5 year old cry tomight. He treats our house like a hotel and me like a maid. I want him out but feel like if he's enrolled in college I have to let him stay. There are no dorms at the trade schools he is applying/accepted to.

Do I have to put up with this bum 3 to 4 more years while he graduates finds job saves money for apt and finally moves out? I think I could convince my husband that SS needs to move out after graduating high school and finding work/saving for a place of his own.

Am I obligated to let SS live with us?

* meant to say my SS spends

* meant to say my SS spends all his income on weed, we don't ask for rent or anything from him.

SS also has been steadily

SS also has been steadily stealing small and sometimes large amounts of money from me since he was 9 years old. Everytime I leave the house or take a shower I have make sure my bank cards, money over the counter medications like ibuprofen or benadryl are all hidden or he will steal them.

NO

Infact, I don't think he should be living there now!

Why are you allowing this trash to disrespect and ABUSE you in your home. Why is your "husband" allowing him to.

If his father won't tie a knot in his ass, ASAP, you need to do something to protect your son.

SS very likely has drugs in your home.

Good Lord. He needs to get out RIGHT F'IN NOW!

He is doing ok at his

He is doing ok at his alternative school, will graduate, has a job, and doesn't do any 'hard drugs.' He stays in his room sleeping and playing on his tablet when he isn't at work or out with friends. He only screams when I ask him to do anything. He's not prepared for adult life and he's only 18. Feel like I can't kick him out because it would mean depriving him of the opportunity to go to trade school/college as he would not be able to both go to school full time and work full time to afford an apt (even if he was able to find roommates) in our area.

I'd say you're not setting

I'd say you're not setting the bar high enough for him. Start by charging him rent. If he wants fancy food then he buys it himself. He's NEVER going to be prepared for adult life if you and his father keep handing him everything he wants on a plate.

You and his father need to be on the same page about this because without his backup you'll get nowhere (do you really want your child to grow up thinking this is the right way to behave?). You need to set boundaries and consequences. He's disrespectful? Shouts at you? Loss of wifi privileges. If he behaves like a child, treat him like one. I'm sure you'll find things to take away. Give him mandatory chores (I sure hope he does his own laundry).

I would not be tolerating two years of him after trade school. It won't take him two years to find a job and he should be saving money NOW to get his appartment. Spell it out for him in short words and simple sentences.

Bottom line - if he doesn't make big changes to the way he behaves at home then he will no longer be welcome there. Again, spell it out for him so that he understands that if he wants to go to trade school he had better clean his act up or else ... bye, bye SS. And stop thinking that will be your fault. If he knows the risks, the consequences, the decision to be an ill-mannered slob is his decision.

This!

This is spot-on. I can't imagine my SS calling me a bitch, at any age. HELL NO. I would shut that down so quick he wouldn't even know what happened. He would get one warning, and if he did it again, he would find his TV, phone, whatever I needed to take away from him to get him to realize I wasn't playing, gone. If your DH won't stick up for you, then do it yourself. Do NOT tolerate this SS treating you like this!

IF you let him stay until he finishes school, I would do all of the things Winterglow mentioned, but I also wouldn't let him stay for 2 years after school. There is no reason for that. It's not like he's well-behaved and deserves it. If he can follow the rules you set, not scream and call you names, contribute to the household by doing chores, then he can stay with you while he goes to school. But after that, he's on his own. He does not need 2 years to save. At that point, it's time to adult.

Learning a trade is a smart thing

We have a lot of vocational education where I live, but they still have the perception among some as being where the"dumb" kids go. Nothing could be further from the truth. The students are more mature than average. They actually have to show up on time in a clean uniform and appropriately groomed if they want to succeed. At some point it is likely they will be drug tested, in school and/or on the job. SS will need to make a lot of changes if he wants to be successful in this kind of program. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him, especially if he has some good male role models.

Speaking of role models, what does your DH have to say about all this? Why are you having to deal with SS at all? Why are you cooking for him? I stopped cooking for my own kids before then and stopped buying food for them when they were adults living with us. They know how to use the stove and didn't starve lol

You need to call the cops on

You need to call the cops on him next time he gets in your face and yells at you There is no reason for him to act that way or for you to let him get away with it. You sound wore down by it all.

OMG, you poor thing.

No, you most definitely do not have to put up with this dirtbag living in your home. No, you do not have to put up with him swearing at you and making your child cry.

If he and his friends are doing drugs, including smoking pot in your home, call the police. If he yells, threatens, swears at you or gets loud or hateful, call the police. Tell your DH to deal with this slob.

he is an adult and needs to grow up and get out of your home. Your DH needs to throw him out and not allow him to talk to you so rudely whatsoever.

He stole from you - again, call the police. Stealing is not legal, nor is doing drugs. Don't feel sorry for him. This loser is taking advantage of you and your DH. Get him out before it gets worse. You need to protect your little one and yourself. Weed smoke in the home isn't healthy.

He will fail any employment drug tests also.

Good luck with everything.

Also, if there are fines to

Also, if there are fines to be paid by SS for any legal issues or whatever, and Daddy pays them, be sure to hold him accountable for the expenses for running the home. You don't need to add extra of any of your money to make up the difference. Make daddy feel the pain of enabling SS. If he goes broke doing so, let them be on him. If you haven't already seperated your money, do so now. Protect yourself from going down in flames over SS.

If he is a dope head even if

If he is a dope head even if he graduates from trade school with a Jouneyman level certification he will not be employable in industry due to his inability to pass a drug screen. Though in some states recreational canibis use is legal it still is an elevated risk to employers and renders users unemployable in many industries.

Write this user loser POS off and let him figure it out on his own time and his own dime in his own space.

My SS18 got kicked out

We offered him the choice, but SS didn't bother to get his license, car insurance, or registered for the trade certification classes he was planning to take... so his show had to GO. DH realized I was done and now SS is out. If he gets his act together for Spring 2019 semester, we're open to him living with us again, but for now and until then, I'm FREE.

Feels good, not gonna lie.

Kick him out!!

You’ve done your turn with this giant, rude and abusive man baby. You have your own small son to think about. You owe SS nothing. It is despicable how he treats you.

Kick him out without delay and tell DH it isn’t up for discussion.

where is your dh?

Where is your dh when all this screaming is occuring. what does he do when he hears about it? What is he doing to prevent it?

You are here

Don't want to live with 19 year old SS. Need advice.