Disagreement over something stupid and trivial, but it's the same story over and over.
This kinda touches on the teenage crap, but it's more of my fiance I have the issue with. Ok. So he works mostly nights. If I don't cook for him, he usually nukes a burrito or frozen pizza, etc. Most nights at work he'll nuke some scrambled eggs and take whatever else is laying around (bag of pretzels). So yesterday I figured I'd make a trip to the store to make him enough food for a couple of overnight shifts. He recently has been loving hot dogs so I thought, ok, easy to reheat, perfect! Of course I didn't get the cheap dogs, but the expensive ones. And of course I couldn't keep them plain, I wrapped them in bacon! So made a bunch of them up and grilled them all nice. I give them to him just prior to leaving for work. I later find out he gave some to the kid (15yo) prior to leaving. Friggin lovely, but whatever. SO today I asked how the dogs were he was kinda short. I asked how many did you eat? And he says, 3?4?. Um ok. So I asked how many were left and he didn't really answer me and said, well the kid ate one before I got up and I just gave him another. I got kinda pissed because those were made for HIM, for WORK. Not as a snack for the kid. (I'm willing to bet the kid ate all of them) I said something like there is pizza in the freezer for the kid! It's not like there's no food in the house and then he got pissed. I even said, there's hot dogs in the fridge you could have made him, and he said, he wanted the ones you made!
He goes on to say he'll always put the kid before him and that if the kid wanted all of them, then that's what would have happened. I said FINE, not going to worry if you have a nice meal during work! WHATEVER! He goes on to say, well you're not a parent so you don't understand AGAIN. No, I understand the kid is a spoiled brat and you constantly give in! The kid has a mom, if that's what he likes, ask her to cook for him and send it home.
Similar things have happened before. I buy fiance nice (and expensive) sneakers, kid decides he likes them so he started to wear them. I buy fiance a real nice and expensive sweatshirt, kid decides it's cool, it then ended up in his closet. It goes on and on. It's always whatever the kid wants, and usually through my wallet. (I stopped buying brands I know the kid thinks is cool or trendy).
This particular issue was over hot dogs (LOL!) but like I said, it's the same crap every time. If the kid wants something, it's his.
The kid is VERY selfish and doesn't even share with his father. My fiance will buy 50 wings and the kid flips if his father thinks of eating one. I purposely try to cook meals the kid won't eat, but he snuck this one by me!
I haven't really talked to him all day due to this.
Leave. It's never going to
Leave. It's never going to get better. Your dh will take the ring off your hand someday when ss decides he wants it to give to some girl.
I think the issue is bigger
I think the issue is bigger than the hot dogs.
Your DH gave him the hot dogs~ most a Dads will sacrifice themselves for their kids. I can't see blaming the kid ~ blame DH.
You tried to do dinerhing nice for DH which turned out to he something nice for the kids.
YES! This happens from time
YES! This happens from time to time. I'll do something for my fiance, but somehow the kid always benefits!
My attitude may be different if the kid was nice/open to me.
I have the feeling the kid is ok with me (after 5yrs!) as long as I keep cooking, mending his clothes, doing things his father can't.
I haven't met a parent that
I haven't met a parent that receives thanks or praise from a fifteen year old child, SM or BM. Why wouldn't you prepare enough hotdogs for everyone to enjoy? This sounds petty to me. If you really prepared them for your fiancé why do you care if he shared with his son? Clearly he derived pleasure from being generous. Wasn't that your goal? To make him happy?
I don't think the OP needed
I don't think the OP needed to make anything for her SS. However, I don't see anything wrong with dad sharing with his son. Once you give something to someone, you no longer have ownership of that item.
I would just stop cooking.
I would just stop cooking. Fend for themselves!!
I agree, if the kid is going
I agree, if the kid is going to end up with everything you prepare why bother? Literally feed yourself and let Daddy do the shopping and prepare his and his kids food as if you weren't around.
Their diet sounds horrible, high in cholesterol and fat.
I've linked a article below you can read to help you in disengaging from the kid which should help.
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
This is very true. The kid
This is very true. The kid lives on junk. I joke and say the kid should be dead from cardiac arrest by the weekend. So far, hasn't happened!
In this case, I was trying to care for my fiance, not make meals for his kid!
I have been disengaging. I won't say two words to the kid if I don't have to. I won't even look at him.
Someone here has some signature that says something like, not my monkey, not my circus. I now keep telling myself that.
I more or less already do
I more or less already do this. I figured if I made the trade just prior to him leaving for work, I'd be good.
Weekends while the kid is away I try to only cook what he (mainly) will eat before the kid comes back.
I used to spend hours cooking for the kid because it was easier on my fiance to warm things up and the kid would rather have home cooked meals vs frozen pizzas, mac & cheese, etc.
NO MORE! I never received a thanks from the kid. I actually never receive a thanks for anything I do.
I agree with the advice to
I agree with the advice to stop preparing meals for someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it. His response should have been thank you so much for cooking for me, not my kid gets whatever he wants and if you don't like that, the problem is YOU. No way you should be getting attacked over something nice your did for him.
No cooking for DH!!! He said
No cooking for DH!!! He said it himself, "He goes on to say he'll always put the kid before him and that if the kid wanted all of them, then that's what would have happened." So if you didn't prepare the bacon wrapped hot dogs then he'd have nothing to sacrifice unless he made it himself. Let me guess, would he have made something like that himself to feed to the kid? If he really cared that much to include that in his argument then he must be willing to cool on his own initiative IMHO!
Unless he can microwave it,
Unless he can microwave it, he won't cook it. Unless it's french fries, which you have no choice.
What?! Personally, I think it
What?! Personally, I think it is rude to make a special treat and exclude anyone in the house from it. If ss is there and you make something special for dh- you make enough for everyone. It's the old "if you bring gum to class..." bit.
Second- I agree if dh doesn't seem to care so much about the special treats you are making for him, don't make them. You are doing it for you, not him.
If you want to "treat" him, make him feel loved, etc.- find out what the things he really appreciates are and put your energy there.
I disagree. As much as you
I disagree. As much as you and I may think a bacon wrapped hot dog is special for this guy its business as usual - she's making his lunch that's it. Nothing special. If she made a pan of brownies and said the kid can't have any that's another thing. But lunches for the brown bag is different, there is some expectation he won't be passing them out at home or at work.
Who's this new "Orange" guy anyway. :?
Correct! They were meant for
Correct! They were meant for him for his WORK meals. Enough to last him a couple of shifts. Not meant for snacks because the kid wanted something different. There has been plenty of times where I made special meals for the kid. The kid even told my fiance not to eat any of it, because they were his! I obviously stopped making the homemade mac-n-cheese, hotwings, stromboli/pizza, etc.
I figured since the food was delivered just prior to work, he won't have a chance to give it out. I was wrong. Lesson learned!
The man is an idiot who
The man is an idiot who doesn't know how to appreciate his wife. No more cooking, no special anything - let the twit fend for himself from now on. Who knows, it might actually make him realise your worth once he has to take care of himself. He also needs to teach his Son appreciation and respect - something he obviously hasn't learnt himself.