So most of you know I have a pretty good relationship with SD12, from the start. She helps clean, cook,does odd-jobs for money, likes interacting with people like a normal kid (she IS a normal kid!) and is super smart and funny.  She's becoming a very nice young person.

She's been pretty good with hygiene until this summer.  I think it mostly has to do with summer and lack of schedule but anyway:

We were all talking at dinner recently and I noticed she hadn't showered for a while - just reminded her to take one after dinner.  Like any young teen she rolled her eyes and said that of course she was going to!  Why am I always asking?  Legit question, she wasn't being a smart-*ss.  Important to be clean, not smell, esp. when you're active, etc.  Told her then that if she was getting annoyed by it, and if she was doing it regularly, I'd stop asking.  We made that deal.

Last night, I made note to DH that she had not showered for AT LEAST a week.  She's been swimming and playing in the salt-water, but not bathing.  He said he'd get on it and tell her to shower.  So after dinner he asks her, "Hey, when was the last time you took a shower?"  (not telling her to DH, he's immediately deflecting power to her!)  SD12, "Ummmmmmmmmm, I don't know....."  DH, "You don't know?"  (again, DH ignores the answer of I don't know and gives her MORE TIME to make up something)  SD12, "Welllll, I didn't wash my hair at the pool."  (she rinses off at the pool quickly)  DH, "Did you use soap?"  (OMG DH - did YOU bring her soap to use at the pool shower?!!!!) SD12, "Ummmmmm noooooo."  DH, "Well, have you really showered lately?"  (THIRD TIME!)  SD12, "I did shower at friends house yesterday.....morning?"  (seriously, obviously made up b/c she had told us at dinner what they did that morning and it did not involve taking a shower, guaranteed).  So then DH gives up. 

I simply cannot be in the room when he tries to parent.  It's painful.

Here's how it would have gone with me, "SD12, you need to shower now.  Go do that, then come back up before you brush your teeth for some watermelon."  No ifs.  She may have tried to feebly argue but nope, none of that.

Also, she's developing quickly and NEEDS to wear her 'starter bra.'  I told her that I know she hates wearing it, but if she's at our house she can go without but if she goes anywhere she needs to start wearing it.  Told DH this too.  Nope, nada, DH does nothing.  It's difficult b/c I'd enforce this if I was there but I'm not, and you all know BM doesn't either.  I noticed it when BM dropped her off for me to take her home after work a couple weeks ago (arranged with my ok) and she RAN up the sidewalk in town, in a flimsy shirt, bouncing clearly.  OMG.  I'll be on this when we all go on vacation together in August - no options (I'll make sure to pack her bra myself).  The funny thing is the starter bras are so comfy - remember those itchy, hard, awful ones from the 1970s/80s?