I'm years overdue for a rant! I have nobody I can talk to about my nearly 18 y.o. SD! Entering her senior year. I haven't had to deal with her bio mom for 8 yrs because she passed away back then. But she did a ton of damage before she died, to the relationship with SD and her dad and I. Before you hammer me, I have now, and had then, great compassion for a young girl losing her mom to cancer. That was a huge extra part of this to navigate. Her mom put her through hell and my husband too, keeping her illness secret until the very end. Alienating my SD from her dad with a vengeance.

Despite no bio mom in the picture, I still had the problem that I couldn't really parent her as if she were mine, because her dad and I have very different styles and expectations when it comes to parenting. I know her mom did not allow her dad to do much of the parenting when she was as little and he didn't fight it because she always threatened to take her and leave the country if he didn't do as she said, and had family money she hung over his head. I wouldn't have fought hard, but he isn't me, so what can I say.
So that is also why I have had to stand back so far, so he could step up, and for the most part he really has.

She is basically doing very well. But she is batshit crazy, aside from the teenage stuff. She is a very hard worker, but volunteers nothing. I work from home and it is painful to have to see her be so damn lazy at home. She decided that this summer she just wanted to have fun and not work much. Whereas in the spring she wanted to work as much as posible to keep earning money for college. Most of her friends are less ambitious and it has caught up to her. Suddenly she is only working a few hours a week and that drives me crazy to see a near-adult sitting and sitting and sitting. And she can sit. She showers and dresses up nice and then SITS for hours.
She and I could not be more different, really having zero overlap of interests. Not much with her dad either. We are extremely outdoorsy, she is a total inside person, to the point of never bringing a coat with her anywhere because she assumes she will always be in a climate controlled building or car. Ugh. Ever since her bio mom died and she came to live with us full time she has had the attitude of "I don't need to be here," and she is quite disengaged. We get along great when we go on vacation, it's great if you want to entertain her, but otherwise she is checked out. Always staring at her phone watching TikTok and group texting. She often pays for her lazier fiends to go to movies and eat out. So is burning through a lot of the money she has made in the last 18 months of hard work. Her dad just refuses to sit down with her bank statements and even attempt to teach her about managing her money. I don't get it, why he won't do it. But she won't listen to anything I say and I am trying to stay out of it. So it seems a missed opportunity because she spends like crazy now, without any thought to how much anything costs.

She is extremely feminine in all her mannerisms and clothing/style choices, yet she tells us she is a man. Like will fall down screaming about it. Has even given herself anew and ridiculous name, which everyone calls her except us! And she has a boyfriend, or two., so we have all that popular insanity here, too.

I just feel like if I could vent now and then to someone I could more easily let it go! I mean I actually do, but seeing her constantly napping during the day makes me want to drop her off at Labor-Ready or something!

But people don't want to hear anything negative, especially about a teen or a SD, especially one whose mother died. Having to keep it all inside makes me feel like a step monster. My kids were much different and it really sucks to have a teen around who I do not enjoy and who acts like she just rents a room here, not like we are family. She just wants to be entertained and has zero interest in anything else. She knows everything....

 My husband also has two grown sons who are much older and live far away, who my SD never lived with. So we have been through it with plenty of kids and now in my late 50s I am just ready to be done (I started young)!! I know it will work out but I need some help getting back into the fully disengaged and enjoying what I can about her. My husband is ready for a kid-free house, too, since she is always reminding us how bad we are and how she can't wait to be gone. She has it WAY better than most of her friends, but she acts like she has it so bad. Typical teen with the added baggage of her mom who was very insane and likely abusive. 
Sorry for the rambling rant, tell me how you do it! Again, I think if I had others to discuss any of it with it would helo

me keep it all in perspective and just let it go more easily.

TIA