So, after SD17 came over Christmas night to scream at DH, she is back to not communicating.  She has come by here twice.  The first time was to leave some things in the door for SS22 - unfortunately my DH had COVID so we were quarantining for while.  (And no, she did not reach out to make sure DH was ok, although maybe she asked SS)  Then last week, she left our Christmas gift on the front porch.  I am confused by that, all I can figure is that it was a personalized item and she didn't know what else to do with it.  But if I am so mad at someone I am cutting them off and saying how awful they are, I don't feel like I am delivering presents at the same time?  It was actually a very thoughtful gift and I am sad that we weren't able to exchange them like normal people.  DH and I both texted to say thank you with no response.  

She had received her gift from us around Thanksgiving, which was money toward a new cell phone.  I had a couple things for her so that she would have something to open on Christmas with our boys, and a couple things for her boyfriend.  It is all in a closet at the moment.  However, DH mentioned yesterday there are a couple cards for her from my family that I had forgotten about, and I am sure they have money.    We are not sure what to do with them, put in the mail?   Leave at her door?  Call and say come get them?   I am not worried about the gifts I got her, but I don't want to hold on to money from someone else intended for her.   Although my mom had said to dock some of it after the Christmas mess.  Haha

I am giving her a lot of space in my head these days, so I am hoping typing it put here will help release some of it.  I hate to be at odds with anyone, most especially "our" children.  But she has been so hateful, and to use first my son's birthday and then a comment I made to act so viscous toward her dad really makes me not want to be around her. I feel pretty firm on that, unless we all talk about what has gone on.   I am afraid it will be just like every other time, she will pop back up like nothing ever happened, and DH will not want to rock the boat so he will go along with it.   And that will leave me looking like the bad guy (again) if I don't play along.  She will be graduating soon and has done well in school.  I to be proud of her and participate in all that, but I am having a hard time seeing past the way she acts toward us, or I guess more specifically DH.   

I am also disappointed in SS22.  I know he has been influenced by his sister and mother, but I feel like he is old enough to think for himself.   He and I talked Christmas night and he had a lot to say, which I talked about in my post a few weeks ago.  When we talked, I was not aware of what had gone on beforehand, he made it sound like DH called him crying out of the blue.  I tried to bring it up with him last week because I wanted to clarify some things, but he shut down.  I guess the open door I was hoping for with communication is still closed.   He and i have always had a good relationship and I guess we still do, but the last few weeks left me feeling less positive about it.  

It's so complicated because for most people who act the way SD especially does,  it would be easy to chalk it up as a loss, but when it is your kids, you still have hope that things will change.   I just feel like that is not what they want, they seem to prefer to strike when it suits them, but not actually work on anything.  Even when things seem to be ok, they are still observing and cataloguing things to use a a future date.  I don't know how to trust people like that, or why it has to be that way.   

I guess I need to keep working on letting go, and trying to take the emotion out of it. I need to just be polite if I see them, but it's time to start speaking up honestly and straightforwardly too instead of burying my head.  But, who knows when we will see them again.  And that makes me sad.   Not what I had hoped or planned for at all when we started this journey.  

Thanks for reading my ramble, I think I do feel a little better