So I took everyones advice and totally disengaged from SD (14)! God it felt so good. Since then she has been suspended 2 more times- oh well not my problem. Here's the kicker though...when she got suspended again yesterday BM decided to have a nervous break down to get attention. She's done this before when SD came to live with us and she told everyone we stole SD from her and wouldn't let her come home- all a bunch of bs and no one bought it. But it speaks to her history of hysterics. It takes the focus off of the real issue and gets her the attention she so badly seeks. Anyway, since disengaging with SD#1, SD #2 (21yr) has taken to Facebook to berate me for being a horrible person who just gives up on kids in need and SD is not doing anything wrong (this last suspension was for cyber-bullying and threatening the student in school- it's being sent onto the state for them to detirmine if charges can be filed. but she hasn't done anything wrong-ha). I knew this would be the backlash and surprisingly it doesn't bother me at all. The more SD #2 hates me the less she will come around- which is only birthday and Christmas for gifts/money. DH is totally supportive of me and has disengaged about 90% himself (another thing that SD #2 and BM blame me for). DH actually had it out with BM last night and finally was blunt with her that she is the problem- SD didn't pull this crap at our house. She made this mess- she can clean it up- we're DONE!!!! Thanks for all of your encouragement. I feel awesome!!!