BM prostituting to pay bills
DH and I have been married for 8 years/together for 10. We both had 2 daughters coming into the marriage. His oldest was 1 year younger than my oldest daughter, and his youngest was 2 years younger than my youngest. His oldest is not his bio child but he adopted her when she was 2.
We've had the normal ups and downs of a blended family but the biggest trouble maker was his oldest. She was constantly telling her mother horrible lies about her dad and I. By the time she was 16 she no longer visited with us, quit school, and basically became a leach on society- all the while mom making excuses for her. She is now 22 and is still and leach.
Fast forward to 6 weeks ago. My husband gets "the call" that 22yr has OD'd. She was found in the middle of the street, in the worst area of the city, not breathing, but with a slight heartbeat. They gave her Narcan 4 times to get a true pulse. She was put on a vent to keep her alive. 2 days later she was off the vent, had lost 76% function in her heart, and was using AGAIN!!!! I was done and so was her dad.
Now in the past 2 weeks she has OD'd twice and needed to be resuscitated by paramedics, she has stolen a car, gone missing for days, and stolen her grandmother's credit card.
I have pretty much written her off and so has her dad. We have talked to all of our girls about drugs since they were young. My husband is a recovering heroin addict- clean 25 years- and has always been honest with them about the dangers and addiction. We have offered help and to pay for detox and rehab- she refuses and says she doesn't have a drug problem.
My biggest concern is her 16yr sister. She has had her share of issues in the past but as of right now she is doing great. Grades were ok, behavior is ok, etc. But she tells me and her dad the other night that her mom stole $175 from her (she watches a 2yr every weekend for the whole weekend and gets paid for it) to pay a bill- but wouldn't tell her what bill. My step daughter says "I don't know why she didn't just go whore around a little like she always does to pay the bills". We had suspected this but never had any confirmation. Well we do now. She went on to explain that her mother tells her every time, who, what, and for how much. Her mother admitted to myself and DH at Christmas time that she is addicted to Percocet and Xanax- as she was detoxing when she was in jail for 5 days. But since it had never been prescribed to her they wouldn't give her any- Oh the inhumanity!!! lol She will most likely go back to jail in October because she hasn't completed anything that they gave her a year to complete. The 16yr wants to stay with her mom because there are no rules and no expectations and I don't want to force her to come live with us. But how do I protect her from her surroundings? She seems to be seeing her mother and sister for what they really are- a big change from 6 months ago. She asks me to do things for her that her mother should because "my mom won't do sh*t for me, but I know you will".
I am just really frustrated at the whole mess. My DH always asks why my girls are so good? I tell him- look at their mothers and you tell me. Not to toot my own horn but I have raised really good kids. My 23yr just bought a house, works FT, takes care of her son, and is getting married next spring. My 18yr just graduated with honors and a shattered ankle. I know there probably is no answer to my problems. But I really needed to vent.
I know a woman who is a
I know a woman who is a recovering heroin addict. We used to work together before I quit. She's a wonderful mother to her daughter and her partner stepped up to care for her daughter like her ex never would. So the biggest concern I think you should have is your husband. He needs to distance himself for his NonDaughter so she doesn't stress him out enough to cause relapse. There's no such thing as a cured addict so he needs to do as you say and be done with her. You both should know that an addict will only change their habits when they really want to do it.
As for the 16year old, I think if she's aware of what's going on as you say she is then let her be for the most part. At that age kids have developed whatever moral compass they will go by so the fact she is telling you that she sees what they are doing and doesn't approve means she has learned second hand what it means to live the addict life. That's pretty good. Maybe in a few weeks I would also slip in a phone call to CPS to ask questions and see what their opinion is if Skid is still coming home with these stories. If anything they might force BM to choose between raising the sixteen year old or keeping the 18year old around.
How is letting the 16 year
How is letting the 16 year old live with BM even an option at this point? You have two drug addicts/ prostitutes as her family and you don't want to force her to come live with you? Do you honestly see the 16 year old going through the next few years without falling into the same trap? BM tells her everything about her "job," obviously she has no shame. What do you think happens to 16 year old girls when there mom brings drug addicted men around who are paying for sex? Yes call Child Protection Services and get custody of that kid while she still has a chance!