You are here

Been Getting very Stressed

swimmom13's picture

Submitted by swimmom13 on Sat, 10/19/2013 - 8:53pm

Forums: 
Teenage Stepchildren

I am the lucky step mother of four children. Twin 16 year old girls, a 14 year old girl, and a 10 year old boy. Not only do I have the privilege of dealing with three girls in their impossible attitude stage of life, I am also a teacher at the high school that all three girls attend. I have been married to their father for two years now, but lately it has been getting more and more complicated. Before this year I had never had any of them in one of my classes, because I only teach juniors and seniors. This year I have the twins in one of my classes. You would think that they would be perfect angels, well they most certainly are NOT. Every day I am constantly telling them to put their phones away, to stop talking, to work during class. I try not to bring the school stuff home with me and leave the two worlds separate. I don't want them to feel like I am always criticizing them, but I also want them to behave appropriately. It's also difficult because their father had been away a lot due to work, so most of the time it's just me and them. I have noticed changes in their attitudes at home. Lately they spend 90% of their time at home in their room, they have been breaking curfew, and they have been bring up the whole "you're not my mom, so why should I listen to you" kind of thing. I don't want them to resent me for being strict. I have no idea what to do.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 10/20/2013 - 1:37am

Hammers to cell phones works as a consequence for using the phone at improper times.

Tell them if you see the phones in class again that the phones will be smashed with a hammer when they get home. If you see the phones in class again, smash em.

The only way to fix a snarky teen is to apply consequences for inappropriate behavior.

So start appying the consequences.

IMHO of course.

HandOverMyMouth's picture

Submitted by HandOverMyMouth on Mon, 10/21/2013 - 3:13pm

I am just *waiting* for the day I hear the words "YOU'RE not my MOM." Seriously, I'm actually looking forward to it.

I was a SK myself, and NEVER were those words said to my stepmom. I knew better.

I wish I had advice to give, but we are in the same boat right now: doing shit they know they wouldnt be allowed to do at home because no one will step up and tell them to cut it out. FI wont, and I havent been granted that authority formally enough that I feel comfortable with actually enforcing any rules.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Tue, 10/22/2013 - 9:03am

What is your school's policy on cell phones? I know our high school is, "We see it, we take it!" Lunch and hallways are one thing, but if a phone is out in class, it gets taken up and a parent has to come get it. I would say if the policy is the same at your school, do just that, then tell DH he has to go up to school to get it....don't let it fall on you to get it for them since you work there...make him actually have to do something.

I understand your DH has to work and all of that, but that is no reason to neglect his parenting duties. What would happen if he weren't married to you and he were a single dad? My thinking is that these kids would just run around crazy! See, these men don't think that way! When their kids are living in their home, they need to treat it as a single dad situation...like you aren't even there. They cannot leave their responsibilities on you...us. Even after DH adopted my kids, I still treated my responsibility as if I were a single mom. I knew that even then, it was primarily my responsibility to get them to appointments, pick them up from school if needed, discipline them...because even after the adoption, this was still expected of me by my kids. These kids expect their parents to step up, and when they go through a life of their parents not doing that, then they don't think they have to show any kind of authority any kind of respect!