Back up BM or stay out of it?
SD age 14, major attitude, treats people like s***, & I have been showing my husband the real side of her. Example..She glares at me to turn her head to her dad with a pretty smile he once adored. Well anyways, that's all history after the capturing with cameras, baby monitor, & all. Dad stopped buying into them good old days with daughter. Since then, we have been trying to remain on the same page with the BM when it comes to the kids. BM has started telling us more then she use to as for what goes on when the kids are with her.
The question I would like to ask, is "do we have the BM's back & punish the girl for treating her mother the way she does or stay out of it?" DH & I believe that the BM tells us the stuff that upsets her the most & BM feels like she really don't know what she should do. I taught my husband how to deal with his daughter when he felt helpless but he is the one who does the parenting-so to speak. The daughter tries to avoid getting her dad or I upset but she still does in ways that seems like she keeps testing. So by DH handling the daughter after the BM tells us about the behaviors, the daughter would work off that energy on our time to go back to her mothers & have to explain herself to her mother then ask for forgiveness. Might that show the BM ways on how she can parent but indirectly speaking? We have taken that approach a couple of times & the BM seemed pleased by it. BM even said "I can't get her to work like that for me, how did you do it?" Wow that made my DH feel proud! Other question if you agree on the idea to help out the BM, does DH have the girl work it off at our place or right there at her mothers in front of her mom? I mean DH can even ask the ex "she needs to work off this extra energy of hers she seems to have, what project can you offer her?" If BM says "she needs to clean her room", DH would see her to it then ask the BM "shes only getting warmed up, what else do you have for her?" That's when the SD starts crying which tells us that she knows we mean business.
It may sound mean but it does take SD a couple of hours of actually working her before anyone can get through to her. It appears that she hangs on to a bad attitude until energy gets burned off.
First, remove access to the
First, remove access to the internet and her cellphone until she starts repecting her elders ...namely her parents, step and otherwise. You are not impressed with her lack of self control and treating her mother badly. She has to improve. There is not option about 'tryyyying' or 'But she is so meeean." Sorry kid, elders are elders and cannot treat them like crap. When she improves at her mother's place then she gets her privileges back.
It's acceptable to take a gun
It's acceptable to take a gun and shoot the heck out of her laptop.
SD has nothing here for toys
SD has nothing here for toys but the great outdoors. Never owned a cell, not mature enough yet, & the only computer she has access to is her mothers when her mother allows her on it. We don't keep many toys around here anymore but ones that are like water guns, swimming stuff, softballs, gloves, & such.
Thanks dtzyblnd for sharing a great idea on how we should best approach the situation. That makes a lot of sense & sounds fair for everyone involved!
I would say yeah back her up
I would say yeah back her up but also that BM should do the same for the thing in my mind its if everybody is on the same page and working together then SD can,t play you off against each other.
Let bm do her own parenting,
Let bm do her own parenting, but support it and communicate with her throughout the process. The way she is earning her place as a parental figure for her child, as are the two of you, and as someone sad previously, you are presenting a united front so the little snot knows there is nowhere to run r manipulate, just straighten up!