And again.....
On our way home from BS19's college (was registration weekend for incoming freshmen), SD15 texts DH if she could stay tonight at BM's (has been there since DH dropped. Her off yesterday, and original plan was to pick up when we got home). After some discussion, DH agreed that she could stay another night and we would swing by and get her before church. The main stipulation for this was that SD15 not do anything stupid!!! No pot, no booze, no sneaking out, etc.
So...11:00 at night...DH and I are winding down from the road trip and terrible previous night sleep (sometimes difficulties sleeping in hotels), and DH gets a text from BM. SD15 has snuck someone INTO the house!!! DH calls SD15 immediately and asked, "What is wrong with you? You can't even keep one single promise to me?" He gets on the phone with BM, and says he is coming right then to pick up SD15. BM tries to say it's okay...he can wait until morning...but DH disagrees and says he is dragging her butt home now! On his way out, I ask him if he wants me to block SD15's devices from the internet while he is gone, and he says, "I don't care what you do to her...I'm so tired of this stupid BS!!!"
Last night on the drive to the college, I asked DH if he thought SD15 my have been "acting" earlier about not feeling well. He tried to defend her then...saying maybe it was allergies our "lady" problems! I dropped it at that point...I have the worst allergies in the house...everything you can breathe I'm allergic tow, and two full rounds of shots haven't helped. I'm always the first to be affected by anything in the air...no one in the house ever feels it until I'm miserable! SD15 didn't have a single sneeze or sniffle, said she didn't have a headache...nothing that indicated allergies! She said she just felt blah! As for lady problems? If that were true, suck it up princess!!! Every month brings me so much pain, I often want to curl up in a ball and cry...been that way since day one of puberty! It's called take a Midol, eat some chocolate, and learn to live with it because it ain't going away any time soon! I've never missed a day of school or work for "lady" problems! BD23 used to get fevers during that time, and never missed a day of school! I still think she was faking the whole thing, and after tonight, DH may even be thinking the same. I know him...my words of last night are haunting him as he drives to pick up SD15 because she has again done something to kill his trust!
BTW...I did lock her off the
BTW...I did lock her off the internet. I plan on leaving it blocked and keeping the TV remote in my office all week! I'm not going to let DH be easy on her this time! This is a learning experience for both of them! I'm tired of SD15's BS as well...probably more tired of it than DH!
BM never deals with it! That
BM never deals with it! That is why SD15 lives with us! Most of the trouble that girl gets into happens at BM's, because the woman is useless!! She even has a friend living with them to take care of her 5 year old because it is too much for her to handle while her husband is at work! The woman is diagnosed BP, and in the last 6 years has gone from a size 4 to a house because she only gets out of bed a few hours a day, and even then it is only to move to the couch or kitchen. She doesn't leave the house because she gets anxiety whenever she does! USELESS!!! She created this problem while SD15 lived with her into the start if the teen years. Now, BM just dumps the monster she created on us, and I've put up with hell in my house for nearly two years now! DH doesn't ever really punish her...just gives her talks...which is still more than BM does! We recently had an argument where I let DH have it...I all but told him his princess carries his balls in her purse! He has come down on her a little more since, but still nothing that screams he is the one in control. This...yeah...it's his opportunity to take what I've told him the last couple if months to heart. Perfect example of what I told him...she only "does good" a little while to make him back off her case and think he trusts her...then she is back to her real self! She never really has any remorse for her actions, even though she puts on the full act with water works...it is just an act!
OMG first I want to say ~ I
OMG first I want to say ~ I <3 the Stephen King reference !!!
Classic
Grr only part of my comment posted !!! Does this happen often ?
So SD15 is grounded from
So SD15 is grounded from internet and DH told me not to let him ease up and give it back early. Sad that I have to parent the parent!
SD15 laid on him some story that BM said that the live in babysitter could give her approval for things. BM and her husband were in their room, and SD15 asked the babysitter if she could let her friend in through the window to avoid dealing with her stepdad! Then, the babysitter didn't back her up when BM and stepdad found out...claimed he never told her it was okay? Anyone who believes that junk is an idiot!!! DH last night sounded like he believed her, but he his still grounding her. I don't know if he is grounding her to appease me, or because he has doubts. I don't know, but at least there IS a punishment!! Bad thing is, I'm kinda being put in control of it, by keeping DH from giving the internet back before 2 weeks pass.
Except if they are narcissist
Except if they are narcissist they will look you dead pan in the eyes n lie cold !!!
Ask yourself the question ~ what does she want , n how badly will she try n get her way.
Oh, I'm not giving any
Oh, I'm not giving any attention to her!! Here is my thinking:
1. Doing nothing hasn't helped. She keeps doing the same crap because he doesn't lay down any consequences! So, I'm taking things away through him...basically saying I'm tired of the crap and the drama, and making him put his foot down!
2. I paid for the couch...it is mine! I helped pay for the TV...it is half mine! I pay half of the satellite TV service. I pay for half of the internet service! I pay for half the house which includes that TV room. It is a privilege to use my things, and her actions negate that!
3. If her butt is planted on my couch in my TV room watching my TV, that means I have to interact with her to gain use of my stuff! I want as little interaction with her as possible! If I keep the remote in my office, then SD15 will hide in her room when DH isn't at home, and I don't have to interact with her at all! SD15 has a TV in her room that is not attached to the dish, and she has a DVD player and DVDs. She can lay her butt on her bed and watch that all day for all I care!
4. I want her to want to leave! If I let her have full use of all the luxuries I work my ass off for, she will never want to leave this house! She doesn't want to live at BM's anymore because her stepdad yells at her, she never has control of the TV, she has to use her mom's phone to use internet because stepdad refuses to give her the password, etc.
So yeah...from her point of view, it is all coming from DH (though, I'm sure she knows it is coming from me, because DH is too much of a push-over to punish her on his own). I'm not giving her any attention! She comes into a room, I don't even acknowledge her!
Men look at things as they
Men look at things as they are ~ they can't recognize the drama involved. They can't recognize why people plan games ~ they don't believe their child would deceive them. They ... Ready for this one ~ they trust their kids.
I agree with 'Easy...'. If I
I agree with 'Easy...'. If I see a nail sticking up I pick up a hammer. It's that simple. I don't ask why its sticking up or where its going. But that's not always the wrong thing to do - sometimes the drama is irrelevant, sometimes it's not.
I think that's part of the reason two parents do the best job of raising children and the biggest loss to a kid when one has to disengage.
Sorry Orange ~ I believe the
Sorry Orange ~
I believe the drama is relevant. Kids drama is their internal anger festering. When drama is involved it is usually anger ~ if they are angry it is usually for a reason ~ that reason being they are not getting what they want. Diversion is another mistro tactic they use ~ if your not keen to what is going on ~ soon you will just another puppet
My "IT" was caught numerous
My "IT" was caught numerous times ~ doing extremely stupid shit n MOTY year would call my fiancé to inform n to have him take care of it. Because that would require one of them to be the bad guy ~ hmmm I guess he always drew the small stick.
MOTY would want to do something really fun on her weekends ( but not when the kid is grounded) ~ she would call fiancé to see if he would b ok if grounded child n bf ( whom she was not to see per MOTY) could go to fun social activity.
Do yourself a favor and let
Do yourself a favor and let him institute the punishment ~ it's not your job and trust me it will get you no way. If she violates he will know ~ it's his spawn not yours.
I tried to stand with the punishment ~ but it looked like the punishment came from me.
Let him hide the controller for the internet ~ she asks you ~ you say I gave no idea.
My stance is that you are an
My stance is that you are an equity partner in your marriage and that makes you an equity parent to any children in your home regardless of the biology of the children.
If DH does not have the sack to discipline then step up and bring the pain. That is how it worked in our home when SS-21 was a minor. If either of us (DW or I) did not like how the other was disciplining or parenting then we could step up and get it done before the other of us had to. Bitching about it occurred behind closed doors where we could discuss it away from the Skid. Generally we presented a unified parenting front to the kid.
Far too many Sparents miss the key element of our title which is stepPARENT!!!!!! So parent.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
DH may have finally hit that
DH may have finally hit that breaking point!
SD15 comes out of this morning and heads to the car in a skirt that barely came half way on her thigh. DH makes the comment, "Is that skirt short enough?" SD15 tries to argue that she has shorts on under her skirt. DH says, "You need to wear something more appropriate!" SD15 continues to walk to the car when DH then says, "That was NOT a suggestion!" SD15 stomps back into the house to her room, slamming everything she can on the way, and comes back out in jeans...having an attitude all the way back to the car which DH quickly adjusts!
Maybe some progress?
During church, SD15 was practically in the boyfriend's lap playing some game on his phone. The boyfriend was actually trying to pay attention, and made SD15 get back in her own seat fully. After church, DH told SD15 if he ever sees her doing that crap in church again, he will walk up behind her and smack her! He explains that se was to be respectful in God's house, and at least act like she is trying to pay attention to pastor while he is speaking, and quit being a distraction to others! This is the first time DH has said anything about SD15's usual church antics!
We just don't allow the kids
We just don't allow the kids to bring and electronic devices into church, period. The only thing they can read in church is the Bible. Lol