I'd say the honeymoon period is over. Being a EOWE SM myself for years, it is indeed very easy to think SK's antics are all someone ele's doings, and if he or she were just to live with you, it would be all so different. Nope.

Welcome to being a SM and getting a full taste of what it is really like: "nobody acknowledges the extra money and,all the extra time I am spending doing laundry.. cleaning up after another person.. cooking lunch/dinner for another person.. taking into account the needs/wants/schedule of another person.. taking on the attitude." Wow! You summed it up pretty well. And, to make matters worse, in the future, things could even get worse (or better?, you never know, and that makes things even more complicated).

You need to speak with your DH about this. I guess I would have thought you would have discussed the finance issues, especially, before she even moved in. But, maybe you'all just assumed with her being an adult things would go oh-so smoothly. Anyway, do some backstroking now with your DH and work out a plan. She may be DH's daughter, but she is in both of yours' home. Your DH will have to be the main one setting boundaries with her too.

Again, you need to come clean with DH on this. DH should have set some boundaries with her before she even moved in, and finances should have been worked out as well. I just hope to heck he doesn't come up with something like, "She's a grown woman and I can't control her." Then, you're in for a ride.

Your SD needs to be set on track. Not making any excuses for her but her bebaviot seems to be pretty typical as you have described it here. She is 18 and is becoming aware of what it means to try and be an adult. Sbe is in the "I can do anything i want stage" that we all wanted when we were her age. This is exactly what she thinks being an adult is right now. There is no 18 year old switch that flips and she becomes an adult.

That being said, you have to start treating her like an adult. You have Sephora and Ulta money? I hope that is after you paid us your portion of the mortgage aka she needs to be paying rent. Tell her now that she needs to get her own toiletries. It sounds like your husband is just clueless to this because its still his little girl. If it were his son he would ( hopefully) be trying to teach him manbood and would have told him this. As a woman it is very easy to put a young woman in your house straight. You haven't described your SD as being like the other cretins on this board so hopefully ushering her in to the real adulthood we actually live will be easier.

An 18 yo being bitchy for NDR? lol. That is probably par for the course. BUT, if it gets beyond minor, you need to have her dad reinforce that if she lives there, she is respectful.

I guess the crux of your issue is that you are having to suck up more inconvenience and expense and "no one" (neither your DH, or SD) are showing any appreciation.

TBH, it's not really 100% their fault. It's easy for an 18 yo to expect to be taken care of because that's probably just the way it has been and no one has set any expectations otherwise with her. Your DH, just assumed things would go on as they always had and that you were fine with it.

BUT, you aren't 100% fine with it. Do you think that you would be happier if he (or she) would chip in for more of the costs related to her living there? He may think the split is still fair especially if costs went up for him too but what he needs to understand is that you shouldn't have to be subsidizing his daughter. She is an expense of his EX and HIM.

When you can calmly do it, I would sit down and say that you are sorry that you didn't think to bring this up before the change in your household, but that your bills have gone up a LOT. You care for his daughter, but really feel the extra expenses associated with her living in the home should come from him and her mother or even the girl herself. I would say that its not that you don't like her or care about her, but financially, you aren't able to support her in addition to the expenses for your husband and yourself.

Maybe it means that he picks up one of your bills to offset the difference. Maybe it means he gives you "one third" of what you spend back.

I wouldn't push the "she should be paying her own way" thing. However, if he balks at paying for her costs.. then you can say, well, why can't she be expected to pay a bit too?

I stopped doing my DD'S laundry years ago. It's a life skill that every kid needs to learn. So is money management. Your SD should be paying for her toiletries and contributing to the grocery bill.

When the little things drive you crazy, it's indicative of a bigger underlying issue. You need to talk with your DH before you get resentful.

Yeah...I agree with everyone else here. This is just an awkward transition period where SD18 is learning to be an adult and cover her own wants, if not her own needs. It probably doesn't even occur to her just how *much* everything else she uses costs. It's not a bad idea to make some of these necessities her responsibility so that she can start learning how to really budget.

I have three older skids. SD20, SS18, SD16. This kind of crap comes up all the time. The SD16 is incredibly responsible and a hard worker and budgets her money really well. However, she did tell me recently that she's "saving me so much money" by buying all of her own clothes and makeup. I just laughed and informed her that she wasn't saving me anything...she's assuming we'd buy those things for her if she didn't have the money, but she's wrong I have a good relationship with her so this wasn't a nasty exchange...more light-hearted. From early on, she's wanted to know about money and budgeting and, since I'm the one that handles that for this family, and since BOTH of her parents are atrocious with money, she's often come to me to talk money and ask advice.

SS18 on the other hand is just like your SD. PLENTY of money when he wants to go to the movies with friends or buy himself a new outfit. Suddenly has no money when he needs to replace the battery in his car...and can't figure out for the life of him where it all went! We've been trying to talk to him about saving up for emergencies, etc. but it doesn't seem to be sinking in

Anyway. I get it. In your situation, I would merely sit down with SD and explain that all of her personal toiletries will be her responsibility or her dad's...and explain why.

establishing boundaries with adult children is definitely in order here. There is no way that I would be buying her toiletries. I would buy food for the house that she could eat as well, but things for her personal hygiene would be her responsibility. Not to mention, there is no way I would do her laundry or clean up after her. Maybe its time to set up expectations and responsibilities. She is an adult and living under your roof. Time to lay down the law.

She is a roomie now. Treat her as such. I am not saying you can't pitch in for special dinner, but if she were in roommate she would buy her own stuff.

There is a huge difference in being the CP household and the NCP household. Now that she has moved in you are effectively the CP household though she is austensibly an adult.

Since she is an "adult" it is both reasonable and critical for you and DH to define the standards of behavior that SD-18 will follow and that should include what will be provided by her father and you and what she will be providing for herself.

For a college aged kid parents (you and DH) providing a roof, medical coverage, and basic sustenance is reasonable. Anything beyond that a young adult can and should provide for themselves.

Set the rules, enforce the rules, let her buy her own deoderant.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

When my DH & I first got together, SD's were EOW. Then - and one week to the day I moved in with DH - OSD (then 16, almost 17) moved in with us fulltime

At first it was all fine, we all got along. I was dedicated to having a good relationship with her, and wanted to be the very best SM I possibly could be to her

And, just like your 18 YO SD, I was the recipient of late teen/early adult bitchiness! In fact, she started it at 18 and it all came to a head by 19

Except - and be careful to make sure this isn't the case with you - it wasn't just teenage bitchiness with her. No, it was deep-seated resentment. Anger. Jealously. Insecurity.

She had always been the apple of her father's eye, and she idolized DH. She to this day resents everything do to with me because she feels that I waltzed in and stole her father away from her. Yes seems pretty immature and dramatic but believe me, that is what all her "bitchiness" was about then and is to this day about now

Be careful how you tread with this SD of yours. Don't allow her to walk all over you and stand up to her "bitchiness"...in my experience, by backing down and simply trying to get along, that brat went over the top trying to destroy the relationship DH & I had.

You and your DH need to work together as a team with her. Be loving, supportive and understanding. But, your DH needs to stand up and keep her in line too!