_Why lie about spending on kids? I'll find out anyway
__RE-POST UNDER DIFFERENT FORUM__
Why, Dads, is there a need to lie about spending on your bio-kids?
Son is in school, needs books. Too old for receiving CS but can use help every now and then with college expenses.
Why lie about it though? You've gone so far as to tell me you got a text about BS needing money for books. Cost = $400. Okay, I ask how you feel, you say you feel conflicted because BM receives way more than enough for the one remaining minor and she can get the books. You realize it is not for you to say what she spends money on and the ridiculous amount in CS for SD is enough to take care of 3 kids burns you up. You say you are paying his car insurance, medical/dental insurance and provide military id for additional services so why, you say are you being asked for this extra. Okay, I say, I get it but he has a need, so maybe you offer to pay for half? You say you will talk to BM about it and see if she is going to contribute anything.
Next up...
Fast forward...you send BS your credit card number and tell him to get books. You've said nothing more to me about it other than you will talk to BM.
You have NOT spoken to BM...you just paid for it. I ask you what the status is later...you LIE and say you still need to talk to her about it and you will decide then. Well, ASS, you forget, when you give me your phone looking for a message for myself, that I can see other messages. Well, what message to I scroll by? Yep, you sending the info after letting me believe you were still working on it.
I say nothing. I ask the question again after seeing the message. You stick to the lie!!!!
WHY???? What is that about? Control, fear??? WHAT?
What else then have you lied about but I just haven't caught you yet? How am I supposed to believe anything you say? You went so far and then fucked it all up with the lie!!
How hard is it to just tell the truth? I was the one suggesting you work it out so you pay for something, if not all depending on what BM says. You give him spending money...he only calls when he wants money...he has no use for you until he needs something.
What am I missing Dads??? Do I even bring it up again, I know I will get another lie. Especially since we are on the outs about another issue.
I have a real hard time
I have a real hard time trusting people who lie about things like that. It has caused several issues with my SO and I. I don't understand why they do it. He has even bought things, and tried to keep it a secret, then SS blurts it out and can wait to show it off. SO was pissed. I immediately ended our outing, and went home. And then sent them back to their home. I have no patience for bs.
I've been on the other side
I've been on the other side of this conversation. My DH has been mad at me for buying something for my adult son. I used to lie about it so I wouldn't have to listen to the endless bitching about it - that's the honest truth.
He got mad at me for lying. He was right. But so was I. So now I just say I am buying my son this.
My money. My decision.
No questions about it anymore.
Sounds like your stepson is in college so - honestly - WHY wouldn't your DH buy his textbooks if he can? If seems very reasonable to me.
If you share money - then you have a legitimate beef. Otherwise, not so much.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying. I say just tell a complete lie then if he's so much the coward that he feels the need to lie about his spending. I would have more respect for just doing what you did, say, I am buying so and so such and such. But why the pretense that you're telling me what's going out of the house, our house then turn around and lie? That's lame in my book and makes it hard to respect him or believe much else he says.
I guess the embarrassment is because this kid is a user...he only calls when he wants money, or needs work done on his car, or wants dad to go "shopping" with him only for him to offer (and son accepts of course) to pick up the tab!
So, yeah, it would be reasonable if this kid didn't tell him to pretty much kick rocks until he needs something.
I was the one suggesting he pay for some if not all of the expenses so why lie to ME?? Good grief!
Yet, he bitches at my daughter because she wants to eat food...another post...what planet is he living on? I see guilt at being a liar and taking it out on us because you forgot and left your balls in the kids/exes pockets again!!!
I am seriously thinking about looking for another place to live and saying chuck it all...I don't trust him and I am now wondering what other BS will come my way because of his bullshit. What other lies will you tell or have told? Now I want to go full 007 on him to see what else he's been hiding, but I haven't the energy nor want to stoop to that level...I'm just pissed as hell.
I have a legit beef...I contribute to this household and we pay bills out of OUR money, not his or mine only.
^^^^^^^THAT IS MY THOUGHT
^^^^^^^THAT IS MY THOUGHT TOO^^^^^^^
His son cares little about him and yet when the kid calls, he jumps so as to say he did something, hoping to make an impression. He is damned near begging this kid to call and check on him sometimes. He doesn't want to be called out for always running up behind him and this kid literally blows him off at every turn. He is always trying to buy his way into this kids life AND always making excuses for his/their disrespect, i.e. well he/they called me once last week, she/he's been busy, he is still angry over the divorce...but, but, but, he's getting better. For fucks sake...these parents divorced 5 yrs ago...not saying there is a time frame on being angry or hurt, but when will he have to stop paying through the ass for choosing to be happier?
I'm venting and I'm angry and I just see him as a such sucker...he's been HAD and they all know it. It is pathetic and also painful to watch...I see the look on his face when the kids ignore him on Father's Day and Xmas...I see the hurt when they send a text the day after his birthday...I see this and try to make these holidays extra special so he is distracted and has a decent day in spite of these parasites ignoring their host.
Maybe I should just stop caring all together...let them use him. Who am I, right?
I am going through the same
I am going through the same thing it really hurts and you loose all respect for someone that lies over something so petty. I have decided to just let it go let my sk use my dh because he just cant say no to them. And when you try guide him you are blamed for not loving or caring about his kids.