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So close to walking away

stout76's picture

Submitted by stout76 on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 8:56am

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Step/Bio Father's Den

So i have been with my fiance for 7 years this january.
she has 4 children by2 different marriages. that i have tooken in and cared for and have been the
best father i know how to be. At the time the children 3 boys one girl the girl being the youngest at 3
Months. They youngest boy 10 now has been an absolute nightmare since i have known him.
here is one of the biggest problems. He has always been resentfull of me because im not his real father.yes even at 3. He has adhd. Medication has no affect. In which my problem is i have no control over this situation my fiance fights. Me on everything that i do.2nd they ex mother n law has this tight obsessive grip with this child that in my opinion its abnormal. She inhibits his behaviors he goes to his grandmothers quit often and the fiance lets him go just to get some peace.
my other stepson that goes to the grandmothers house(different child from other marriage)
Tells me that the grandmother lets the 10 year old sleep in the bed with the grandmother while her husband sleeps on the couch and if my daughter goes there(sister) of the 10 year old same grandmother she makes my daughter sleep on the floor next to the bed. Im at a loss there is so much more to the story i could write a book.just need some input.

bluehighlighter's picture

Submitted by bluehighlighter on Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:51pm

I'm so sorry.

I live with my SO and his son and we have him full time...

he's 8 and his grandpa was still letting him sleep in the bed with him. My SO had to step in and say NO and he got him a twin air mattress and a air mattress pump for when he's at grandpas.

You guys have to talk it out you and your fiance. I know it sucks but you might have to give some ultimatiums just straight up be like "i'm really about done with all this" give all the specifics of what needs to change. Write them down look over them take some time work on a list and then come to her and try your best to take the emotions out of the list - check your emotions before the discussion. She might fight you on it but you gotta put it all out there and let her know.

I'm reading the book Stepmonster it's been really helpful. as far as the three year old she'll have to step in and say "look i love you and I love your stepdad and he's not going anywhere so you don't have to like him or love him but you'll respect him and not treat him like a piece of furniture"
That's an exert from the book

here's an article written by the author of the book:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stepmonster/200910/guess-who-has-the...
Good luck!

DaleH's picture

Submitted by DaleH on Thu, 02/27/2014 - 5:10pm

Hi Stout!

I'm sorry to hear your situation and I am in much the same kind of situation (though we're married, only 1 child, and not wicked grandmother-in-law). I can say this with 100% certainty: If the mother is not backing you, you are doomed to fail. It's not going to get any better. Don't keep yourself in a bad situation or put yourself in a worse one. Me? I thought, when I married my wife and SS was 4, that it was a phase and everything would improve as the SS gets older. Nope, that didn't happen and I'm married and miserable.

Check yourself. Think about what is going to make YOU happy. Think long and hard because living a life to make others happy while you want to jump in front of a train is no way to go through life.

Good luck.

Ihatemystep's picture

Submitted by Ihatemystep on Mon, 03/10/2014 - 9:03am

If you don't have any children together, GET OUT!!! I have been a step parent for 13 years and it's been hell. If I didn't have a child with him early in the marriage I would not be married to him right now. Sorry to be so harsh, but life is to short to put up with all the drama from step children.