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More Bio Dad issuesA

Stepguy's picture

Submitted by Stepguy on Mon, 01/16/2012 - 7:15pm

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Step/Bio Father's Den

I realize it could be worse, but here's the scoop:

SS 16 drank 2 beers from the fridge.

DW took away all electronics (including cell phone), and warned him that she would remove him from her car insurance if anything like that happened again. (she runs a tight ship)

BD got upset at DW for taking his cell away and gave him another, also told SS 16 he does not have to listen to his mom.

DW took that cell phone away as well.

While we were away this weekend BD took him to his house without any communication to DW from either party. BD ignoring her texts. Of course she was worried and upset but SS 16 laughed it off when he got home.

I want to break BD's kneecaps, but I know there are legal ramifications for such actions.

Questions:

1. Should I confront BD? (no I will not break anyone's kneecaps)
2. Is DW overreacting?
3. How can we cope?

Any advice would be helpful, thanks!

Patsy's picture

Submitted by Patsy on Mon, 01/16/2012 - 7:30pm

I feel like your DW is doing the right thing. The best thing for you to do is back her up. My husband had this same relationship when he lived with his father. He did not think he needed to listen to his mom or step dad. His mother was right with most everything and he now regrets not listening to her more, but he was a kid and he will do what seems to benefit him most. He now has the best relationship with his stepdad and sees what his dad was really doing all those years. He loves his dad, but he knows his dad was wrong in those years and that his dad did most of those "nice" things to upset his mom not to bond with him. I dont know what to tell you but I hope it gives you comfort to know your SS will know you tried with him. It is just too hard to parent a child when the bios dont get along. Even when you might be right he is just not with you enough and bio dad is going to make sure he doesnt want to be there either. How long have you been the step dad?

paul_in_utah's picture

Submitted by paul_in_utah on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 9:56pm

Nice thoughts, but don't bet the farm on the SS ever appreciating what the original poster is doing. Many step-kids never learn to appreciate their step-parents.

paul_in_utah's picture

Submitted by paul_in_utah on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 9:50am

Nice thoughts, but don't bet the farm on the SS ever appreciating what the original poster is doing. Many step-kids never learn to appreciate their step-parents.

Stepguy's picture

Submitted by Stepguy on Mon, 01/16/2012 - 8:00pm

2 years. DW has full custody.

I keep telling her that she is doing the right thing. BD has narcissistic personality disorder, and DW is scared SS may have the same.

I tell her that narcissism is normal for a 16 year old and he will outgrow it, and he will eventually realize that the reason why he turned out to be a decent adult is because of her.

I appreciate your post and comments. It is a very difficult time right now.

Again I realize things could be worse, but it's hard when your high standards are compromised.

Thanks again