If I were in your position, I would not spend anymore time alone with SS. The way I see it, is it's putting you in situations that no matter what you do, you will be viewed as the guilty one. And if questioned by your wife, explain exactly that. Until she present's a united front with you towards her son, he will continue his behavior. Children are smarter than we give them credit for, and if he see's his tantrums are winning the affections of his Mom, and causing hardship for you he will continue.

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I agree with MM, at least right now. If your wife does not believe you, then you are putting yourself at risk of having him accuse you of something worse and having your wife press charges or something.

Did your wife believe you or her son?

I know it's hard to think of it this way, but this kid is obviously having a lot of psychological trouble if he's doing this. Probably he's being told by biodad and stepmom that you are bad, and this encourages him to act out. If your wife does not believe you, then you're going to have to start there, because she's the only one who can change this situation. If she does, please sit down and talk to her and tell her how worried you are, and ask her to help you to be a united front to have your ss respect you and to counter anything bad the biodad and stepmom are saying.

If she does not believe you, then I would tell her that first, you don't feel safe disciplining or parenting this kid in any way, because as a stepdad you're in a position where no one will believe you against the kid. Second, ask her to go to counseling with you so that you two can reconnect and start working together as a couple, not separately.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

By the way, I suggest when your wife questions why you will no longer be alone with the kid, that you explain it to her in a way that is not angry, and that explains to her very calmly the very dangerous position that you are being put in. A stepfather, being an adult male, is a figure that society will very quickly presume guilty and judge very harshly in any situation where he is suspected of doing anything, whether he is innocent or not. The media and movies have portrayed/reported on so many instances where a stepfather beats, sexually abuses, or otherwise a child that the public is very conditioned to automatically presume guilt. Explain to your wife that you do not feel supported or comfortable, and that in this situation, she, your stepson, the biofather, and the stepmother are all people who will choose the stepson's word over yours, and that you could end up in jail, your career ruined, and your marriage destroyed because your stepson tells a lie and no one questions him. State quite calmly that you are very frightened for your own safety and so you are not comfortable disciplining or even having any time alone with this child in the current situation. That you so, so wish it could be different, but you have no power to change that. Only she does, by BELIEVING you and by not allowing this behavior to continue. That you love her and want to stay with her, and this is the only way that you think that is possible if the situation doesn't change.

I guess what I'm saying is, I suggest that you try very hard to not sound like you are accusing her, but rather that you are trying to show her what life is like for you and how scary and unsafe it feels, and how hard that is because you wish you could be a parental figure to her son.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved