Father Moving Out of State - I Will Be Picking Up Some Pieces
My wife and I have been through some hell for the past 10 months and, in brief, have been to court, had the police visit our house, had CPS investigate us. We have been in the clear on everything. BD is moving out of state and my SS was hoping to go. He may have done so under better conditions, but his SM is a monster who completely ruined his mind, IMHO.
SS has been seeing a therapist who has told us he would like to see my wife and I next time and discuss separation anxiety disorder. While my wife sees an end to some of the b.s. we have had, I am more hesitant especially since I seem to be taking some of my SS's anger at his dad for moving and for his putting him in a very difficult situation.
If you have dealt with similar issues then I would love to hear your feedback. I am all for giving my SS his space, but I do not want him to be (self)destructive.
Thanks all.
Well I can't say that I am
Well I can't say that I am in the same situation exactly. But I can say that I do get the majority of the kids anger whenever BM says or does something to let them down. I know for the most part after it's happened they have said sorry and do feel bad. My husband and I just tell them both if they are angry for something BM did then they need to talk to her about it not get angry at us. The last incident when my SD got mad at me for BM's actions or lack of actions, she lashed out at me big time. So I got mad told my husband he BETTER deal with it otherwise there would be hell to pay. So he talked to my SD and told her from here on out if she has a problem and wants to talk we are always here for her and her brother, but if she takes her anger out on us then we will get BM involved and she will have to talk to BM about whatever is bothering her. Let's just say since then I don't get the brunt of anything. Neither does my husband!
Something that also helped me is that I have talked to the kids after they have calmed down and explained that I do love them, but it isn't me or their dad they should be angry with. They should be angry at BM. They should talk to her...not get mad and lash out but talk to her. They have told me it does no good since BM does or says what she wants anyways whether they like it or not. And that bothers them, cuz my husband and I do listen and take their feelings into consideration.
Right now I think your best option is the therapy route, but also talking to him and letting him know that your there for him when he needs someone to talk with, not scream at or hit! Good luck
I think HBH makes some good
I think HBH makes some good points. I don;t know how old your stepson is, but it makes sense that he would be having some abandonment issues. And it will be easier for him to take it out on you, "a stranger", rather than his Mom (who, in his mind may be the next one to leave him) or his Dad (who could completely dump him).
Try to remember what he's going through when he gets angry with you. He likely considers you a safe person to lash out at.
Good luck.