How do you balance weekend activities for all kids?
Partner has 7 y/o level 3 non-speaking autistic boy, 6 y/o neurotypical girl, and we have a 6 month old baby girl together. Every second weekend sometimes more, and some days in school holidays we have his kids. Because of his son's disability, every weekend revolves around what his son is or isn't suited doing. We can't go out for lunch, go to an event with crowds etc. I also am a part time single mum by default because of it because he has to be watched 24/7. We are either housebound or can go to parks. I can see it being hard in the future when his daughter gets older and wants to do more things and I of course won't be having our daughter miss out on things either. Is it unfair to ask that there be occasional days where the boy has to be the one put out for once and say take noise cancelling headphones to a place for a couple of hours so we can go to a kids festival or something fun? At some point in time it can't be about him all the time every time, because how is that fair on the other kids?
I have (now adult) twin
I have (now adult) twin daughters one of whom has Down Syndrome. When they were little, we went to all sorts of things with both of them. As they grew older, each of them developed their own interests. We never forced the other daughter to attend whatever it was that her sister wanted to do, we simply split them up and one parent went with one and the other went with the other to whatever we or she decided to do. I don't know if that's doable in your situation but that's how we handled it. OTOH, there was often an overlap in what they wanted to do - ballet classes they both attended (different levels), cheese festivals (yay!), things like that.
PS
There were also times when we were the ones who wanted to do something and our daughters just had to make do with the situation. Never forget that the world doesn't revolve around the kids.
Generally, I am an everyone goes person.
Kids do what they are told. Life is not about catering to kids, it is about parents teaching kids to navigate life.
Family time, is family time.
However, with a special needs family member, that is a different situation.
Is there an option for the special needs child to have a professional care giver to relieve you and DH so you can have a more typical family activity for the rest of the family upon occassion?
RE your child.. it isn't as
RE your child.. it isn't as much of an issue because you can take the child out.. even if your DH stays home with his. It is also not every day.. the EOWE.. some holidays.. there are plenty of days your child will have an opportunity to go out with you and your DH.
The one that I would be more sympathetic to would be his 6yo daughter.. that likely has most of her time limited by her siblings limitations. Ideally.. in a two parent household.. she could be going out with the other parent.. but in your case.. I'm not sure you want to do that.. and it's not your "job".
As far as pushing the boy.. noise cancelling headphones? it really may not be as simple as that and I think your DH should be involved with his care team to understand how and when his horizons could be more expanded.. what he should be encouraged to do to help his son be more flexible. BUT.. even then.. you are going to have to accept that if you all go out.. and his son has an issue.. it may mean an unplanned early ending to the outing.. unfortunately.. his son isn't just choosing to be a problem.. he does have issues that affect his abilities right now.
I think your solution is when he has his kids.. is to do your thing.. with your young child.. it really may be your only option.. your DH can join on the weekends he doesn't have the kids.