Awkward
Forums:
I think this is the right forum.... BD w/2 BGKs recently remarried a wonderful guy. She has a blended family I love , from his parents to his BK. OTOH, they are teens and while my elementary school age BGKs have followed them in calling SILs father Grandpa, the teens dont call me by anything. Occasionally, I get my name. I get it/ they're almost adults and have 2 sets BGPs and my BGK only have GMs and my DH was thei SGF. It just is weird hearing them call this otherSGF " grandpa". Does that make sense?
It's always a problem
It seems like the role names are an issue in many of our stepfamilies. I dont know the answer. When the kids are little, its easy to designate people by their names, like Grandpa Sam, Grandma Nancy, etc. But with teens, especially when a marriage occurs when the kids are older, its different.
My SGKs still usually call me Grandma JRI but sometimes just JRI. I think there was some sensitivity on BM's part about me have the Grandma title and the kids felt it. I dont care either way.
It's StepHell
Nothing makes sense here. You just have to go with the flow, I guess. Like JRI said, role names are an issue in blended families. And often times, it comes with a lot of bigotry.
My case: I was completely ignored in the first grandkid announcement (sitting right beside my husband at a big party) and as of today, have not seen one of DHs grandkids (my choice, totally disengaged from all of DHs clan for almost 5 years). So, as DHs wife, I am just that to his kids and now his grandkids, by his kids' actions. Ironic part? Two of his kids are now stepfathers and they automatically gave DH "grandpa" roles in those kids' lives. SMH
It hurt at first but I'm good now. I see the karma his kids get because of that choice. BM died a few years ago so that "female" role in the grandparent role on their side is gone. We all know it's the mainly the moms/grandmothers that do all the planning and gifting and in our case, DH is just plain forgetful about gift giving, birthdays, etc. No reminders from this girl....I'm disengaged....his grands, his job to stay on top of that. He's already missed one birthday this year for one of them. Oh well...DHs kids should have thought about their actions and how they'd impact the future,
Assigned grandmother name
When SD22 had her baby her BM and baby's daddy's mom chose their grandma names and I was basically assigned mine. Whatever....I get it. But they might be surprised when my bio kids start having kids that I get a grandma name that I choose, lol. I'm just 46, so I honestly don't feel ready to be a grandma yet, so it doesn't bother me too much.
I can deal with it but I have feelings
I have no trouble with dealing with it but the thing that really bothered me? My BD wanted the kids to call my DH Grandpa but he said it was disrespectful because her BF What is steel even if not in her life living was still, even if not in her life, alive. To hear my DH having been called just buy his name which is what he wanted and now hearing my BD's Very wonderful dad being called grandpa by might BGC? It's still it's kind a hard. I guess I have to get used to it because my DH chose not to be called grandpa. (I think part of that might be because his BD/my SD very blatantly told him that she did not have children so he did not have GC.)
Nice comment today
My son-in - law was over and was looking at pics of me and DH and asked if it was ok if my BGK call his dad Grandpa. I told him it's fine. He asked and the BGK always have pics of me & my DH with them in their house; my BD won't let them forget nor will he.
I realized in close to 25 years of being w/ DH that there are only 2 pics I am in with DH and SD..... she cropped me out of all. Should have seen all that coming, huh?
I mentioned to my new SIL
I mentioned to my new SIL that I thought it was interesting my BGKs Had picked up calling his father grandpa because his kids do/he is their grandfather. My BD heard it or my SIL mentioned it and my BGKs no longer do / my SIL says we're keeping it to BGP who get the grandma ( etc) name. I was touched. My BGK now have other names for his parents and his BS & BD call me by my name (they are HS & college ages).
works for me.