What do I tell ss when he constantly wants to know why he can't live with bm?
LSS. I married a military man 3 yrs ago. At same time, bm went through a "crisis," offered us ss if we continued to pay cs. Which we did for about 3 months. During that time she started using drugs, sleeping around, writing hot checks, had minimal contact w/ss. Hubby took her to court, got full custody. In the past, we lived in another state, so except for a 5 min weekly phone call, (she only showed up once to see ss) we have very little contact with her. We do let ss spend summers with bm for my sanity and his well-being (bm has since straightened up, but is still white trashy mom but ss doesn't realize that). Anyways, hubby is deployed, I have ss with me and live close to bm. I let her have visitation rights which she keeps sporatically. My home is not a very happy home atm. I am in school and that is my priority. I try to spend as much time as possible with ss but its limited. Of course, he would rather live with bm, no rules, no structure, no limitations. Its unlimited internet, gaming, eat what you want, go to bed when you want. Btw, he's 11. Lately, he has starting asking why he can't live with bm. SS know's how to push my buttons, although I try not to say anything negative about bm, it's getting harder to keep my mouth shut. The difference between me and bm is like night and day. I've always been honest with ss, but I don't know how to respond to this question. It keeps coming up lately and I've had my fill of being asked. Any advise? I don't want to trash bm but I want to put it out there honestly. Do you think he is old enough to handle it? Believe me, if I could, I would pack up and get as far away from bm as possible. Since my move here, I've had nothing but problems with ss.
Echo is spot on. The stress
Echo is spot on. The stress on you is understood. But this is an 11 year old child, wanting to live with a natural parent, is natural. Dad isn't there, mom isn't there, the only one there is Dad's wife who has other priorities. He is living a sad life.
If it was me I would talk to
If it was me I would talk to your dh and ask him to explain the truth to your ss. He is 11 years old, so old enough to know what is going on to some extent.
I'm not sure why custody
I'm not sure why custody wasn't changed before he deployed. Hate to say it, but everything you list is not enough to keep the kid from bm. I know plenty of parents who are married who allow their kids those freedoms. It is a difference in parenting, not necessarily something that will harm the child. If she has cleaned up, being white trash doesn't necessarily work as an argument either. If he is already spending summers with her, Idk why he isn't living with her while his dad is deployed. Although if bm hasn't already thought of that, she probably doesn't care. This boy needs his dad.
The boy defidenlty needs his
The boy defidenlty needs his dad... but apparently his mom doesn't care to much if she sent him to live with his dad to begin with -- and SM its not fair for you to not make him a priority... put yourself in your SS shoes' its not his choice to be with you either - HOWEVER, try and do your schooling cause that is a TOP priority but make sure you spend LOTS of time with him... he is 2 parents short... ya know? Its not fair to him especially at the age of 11 - he understands more and realizes more than you know.