Take the 11YO SD house shopping or not?
We're looking for a house (the first, which is nerve wracking enough by itself) and Dad keeps wanting to take 11YO SD with us as we look at houses. I say house shopping with any kid (birth or step) is hard on them, as they start to build worlds in their head and pick out rooms and all that and it's not fair to make them traipse through 20+ (or more) houses as we rule them out. I'm all for letting her see the final one or two choices before we sign on the line, but don't think it's right to drag her along through the process because she just doesn't understand it or the decisions involved, and in fact can negatively influence Dad as we talk it out - especially as we plan for our future together (which may include a child of our own).
We don't have primary custody (just summers and every other weekend), and this will technically be my house (not ours), and I say we should leave her at home until we've settled on one or two as final options. Dad keeps wanting to take her with us, and it's caused plenty of stress between us. I'm curious if anyone has encountered this and how you handled it?
Agreed. If you want to
Agreed. If you want to include them, keep them apraised of the progress and when you make a decision, talk about how they will decorate their own spaces.
He's crazy. Of course BM is
He's crazy. Of course BM is going to hear ALL about the houses you look at! And she's going to slap him for more CS because if you're so "rich" that you're buying a new house then clearly you can give HER more money.
Hit him with a 2x4 til he gets some sense knocked into him or it knocks him out so you can go house hunting alone.
Oh thank you all for making
Oh thank you all for making me feel less crazy!!
YES PINATA! She still talks about the first house (that we went into totally on a lark just because it was an open house) and 'her' room in that house. Which even if we were to buy that house, wouldn't be her room, because there's no way her bedroom is going to share a wall with mine!).
I hadn't thought about what BM is hearing...and how it might influence her. The good news is she's prepping for a move out of state and in with her boyfriend and his two kids (who live in the boyfriend's father's basement!) and as a part of that, we're hoping to get his maintenance reduced. The bad news is BM can't manage money and support is used for frivolous stuff and not things like eyeglasses or clothing, so I feel guilty when I use MY money to buy ME something nice instead of buying SD things she needs.
You can imagine house shopping is incredibly fraught with stress, especially because it's my money and will be my house, but I have to tread lightly with him as part of the decision making. AHHHH!!!!!
"so I feel guilty when I use
"so I feel guilty when I use MY money to buy ME something nice instead of buying SD things she needs."
Yep. Not even stuff SS needs sometimes. I thought about getting a swimsuit with some birthday money I recieved. (I'm 26 but my Grandma still sends me a month of coffee money
What do I do instead? I send SS to a ridiculously expensive camp for his last week here.
Hopeless, I am.
YES YES YES! I got my annual
YES YES YES! I got my annual bonus and my usual approach to any extra money is put one third in savings, make responsible decisions with one third (bills, car repairs, etc.), and then go a little nuts with the last third (clothes, vacation, something I want but don't need, etc.). But this time around, I feel like any splurge will be judged. All I want to do is go a little nuts on myself with money I worked my butt off for and not feel guilty about it!
And I hope you at least bought a cup of coffee with Grandma's coffee money! I'm 36 and mine still sends me money too...and that cash quickly disappears into my "momma needs a new pair of shoes or a drink" stash.
Well... actually the camp
Well... actually the camp wasn't completely covered by just the coffee money.
BUT... when my sister was here earlier this month we definitely went and had a mani/pedi afternoon.
And every so often I get something for me. When we let SS have a toy at target the other day when we got him some new shoes (he just HAD to grow out of the old ones during our visit :jawdrop: ) I got myself UNO for DH and I