super annoying clingy kid
My SS9 (10 in 2 months) is very challenging to live with. He has one friend who he has seen once all summer, initiated by my wife. All he does all day every day is sit on the living room coach and play on his phone or switch with youtube in the background. I find youtube very annoying to listen to 14 hours a day. He is never in his room except to sleep. Every time I have tried to get him off the TV,it has back fired. I tried to him to go outside but he wont go out with mommy. If he does go out, he comes in every 2 minutes to tell her something. If he is off screens he talks non stop about trivial things. He talked to me for 10 minutes straight about how our brain controls us when I took him to the pool so his mom could take her daughter shopping without him making everything about him. I was resentful seeing a 5 year old sitting quietly with his parents in the hottub, this kid is almost 10 and can barely be quiet for 30 seconds. He only leaves the house if he gets taken out by an adult. He needs to know everything anyone says, I cant even talk to my wife when he is around. My wife sees no problem with this, I think he is the biggest busy body I ever met. I had a big issue with youtube because I can hear it in our bedroom because I cant keep the door closed because of our cats. I finally solved this issue that his driven me nuts in our new house for 2 years by getting a white noise machine which drowns youtube out. The next week he learned to whistle and feels the need to practice all the time while laying on the couch. Of course my wife finds nothing he does annoying but it loud and I still hear it over my noise machine. I told my wife that I cant handle the whistling. The living room is open and close to all the other rooms and he needs to be considersate.. He can whistle in his room with his door closed or go outside. My wife always get upset and says I am.always annoyed with him (because he is f-ing annoying). She finally agreed that she can see how his whistling is annoying and agreed to ask him to stop. The problem is that she has to tell him how great his whistling sounds but he needs to not do it so much. Shockingly this approach doesnt work, so I finally had enough and told him that it needs to stop and I am not going to be asking over and over. My wife is a teacher who can run a class but she lets this kid walk all over her. She talks about her students annoying behavior that is the same as his at home. I am also a teacher and her son is the kid that I would avoid having 1 on one time with because he is sooo annoying. He is here half the time but more in the summer because his dad is working. I am tired of spending days figuring ways of being around him...Everytime I talk to my wife, it becomes a fight and nothing ever changes. I am hoping this will change when he becomes a teenager but I dont know how much longer I can do this.
I'm with you on the living
I'm with you on the living room. When did it become the norm that kids took it over as their personal playroom? The only place adults can have privacy and do adult things is in their bedrooms with the door locked. Some people who post here don't even have that, as their partners want the kids in their beds or just want the kids to feel that they are welcome in every room. And the child-centric ways are not creating smarter, more independent, more mentally healthy kids, either.
Your wife doesn't want to set any limits on Little Lord Poopsie. She likes things just the way they are.
Heads of household get
Heads of household get primary access and solo access to primary rooms like the living room, dining room, kitchen.
Kids can be asked to go play their youtube in their room. Go to your room to play is not emotional abuse. Neither is, "son, I was not done talking to your mother, please do not interrupt"
If he is in the LR because he doesn't have a TV and that is his primary way to pass the time at your house.. then by all means, invest in a TV for HIS room.. and be done with it.
Something tells me OP would
Something tells me OP would gladly spring for a TV for the little guy if it meant having some peace, but the problem isn't the little guy.
Now do we wonder why it used
Now do we wonder why it used to be said that children should be seen and not heard..lol
I think our society somehow
I think our society somehow got brainwashed into thinking that all this child-centric stuff would improve self-esteem and make kids more mentally healthy and independent. Boy has it backfired.
The problem is mommy. Sadly
The problem is mommy. Sadly the kid is just a victim of her idiot parenting.
Very odd that a teacher is growing this shit spawn.
We raised SS at the cusp of the smart phone, game system era. We learned fairly quickly that screens were the death of effective parenting. So, we purged gaming from our home when he was in about 6th grade. His cell phone was for our convenience and could only make calls and texts on a standard number key pad.
Funny how there is a hard line in history where kids went from being well behaved, seen and not heard, to whiney and coddled, then another where they went from whine and coddled to whiney and coddled and.... brain dead due to lazy parents buying screen baby siters to raise their spawn.
when the parents create and tolerate this crap, these illbehaved child turds end initial marriages, and many of these parents have multiple marriages because of it. These kids not only are child failures, so many of them go on to being adult failures as well. Still trying to be clingy children.
A healthy parent child relationship creates a life long closeness. It does not create nor does it tolerate clingy.
I talk to my parents nearly daily. But damned sure they would not tolerate me being a clingy dependent kidult. DW and I raised SS-32 to this standard. He is a man of character, honor, and standing in his adult life, his profession, and his community.
His three younger Spermidiot spawned half sibs were raised as coddled clingy spawn. Though it was SpermGrandHag that did the coddling and demanded the clingy. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the inmate.
Sad.
Rags.. it's not just the
Rags.. it's not just the phones.. pay attention to so many family sit coms.. the kids are the little smart "a" jokesters and their parents are often painted as stupid. Now kids are portrayed as more evolved than their parents.. they are teaching their old fashioned ideal parents lessons.. vs the old sitcoms where Opie was the one who was learning... We have grown so used to kids being "given a voice" that they actually believe that they are on equal footing with their parents.
This is so right on @ESMOD.
This is so right on @ESMOD. Kids have become the center of the universe in families and the "all knowing" with their stupid parents and stepparents waggin to their every command. I can't tell you the number of times SKIDs even in adulthood with their brazen DIL and partners have spoken to us to tell us - how to parent, how to interact with them to avoid fee fees getting hurt (especially when they've done something very cowardly and terrible and are about to be confronted about it - they will say "I am getting triggered" which is code word for I am not going to be held accountable because this is too much for my little wimpy heart), how we need to conduct ourselves, how we as the parents need to spend our money - also criticisms on HOW we spend our money, etc, etc. Having to know when we are making a decision- they need part in it and we better listen up. G-D forbid if us as the parents make even a slight comment about their terrible decision making - that would be the end of it.
And the funny part? One time adult SKID and SKID's bride while at a nice dinner that I was paying for everyone - they proceeded to tell us how we need to parent and parent differently to them and to the other SKID...two people whom have never been parents and SKID's bride dives in about what we are doing wrong and have been doing wrong ALL these years. As we sit and take this BS, I finally wrap up the dinner after not touching a single thing on my plate I am so angry.
And an even funnier part? After the meal I am so red hot angry at the disrespect and behavior I can hardly see straight when DH says to me "WOW. I am so impressed. It must have been so hard for DIL and SKID to come forward and to tell us the things we need to change. They are incredibly brave."
I couldn't believe it - how in the world could we both be at the same dinner being criticized about our parenting and us as human beings. My favorite was when DH felt DIL had "articulated things so well" especially when she went into cryptic mode by explaining our "vibe is off and bad" but unable to articulate what that actually means or point to specific actions or behaviors on why it is "off and bad."
A note about our history is stable, roof over heads, food on the table, every want and need taken care of to the point DH was too indulgent...they were WAY taken care of more than I ever expected from my parents...no one was physically or verbally abused either.
I think an involuntary left
I think an involuntary left hook followed by a head butt might have shaken his brain cells a bit, had I been there.
I might also have asked him
I might also have asked him if he was using his own brain or breaking it un for an idiot. Gawd.
It IS mind boggling- I can
It IS mind boggling- I can not understand or even interpret how DH got this perspective from that extremely ugly and disrespectful encounter. Let's just say @winterglow that we are the WORST parents on the earth - neglectful, miserly, horrible, abusive and somehow this SKID turned out alright beating ALL odds...I highly doubt after overcoming all those obstacles they would sit their horrible parents down with their new bride and rip them a new one...I bet that situation the adult SKID would be humbled and realize the faults but also that the parents did something of redeeming value. The fact that they are alive would be at least some value that the parents did even if they did nothing else right.
NOW take the SKIDs growing up with way too much mouth, authority, control and belief that they are INCREDIBLE gift that their parents and stepparents are lucky to have...take ALL that entitlement and pile on a child centric society where the child is the center of the universe and that's what we have in this episode of SKIDVILLE.
You are letting this go on
Kid has to go out for two hours a day. Up to him to figure it out . You have to get his mother to get on your side