Problem with the bio kids dad
Hi All,
Been a long time since I posted which I guess is a good thing. Things aren't brilliant with the step-kids but they're ticking along. I'm interested to hear the thoughts of members on this scenario. My ex and I split up 14 years ago when my youngest was barely 3 and my son was just 7. The ex didn't care what happened to us and wanted the house sold so we did that and shifted approx 7 hours drive away which he didn't care about. In the 14 years he has visited twice and once he was nearby for a conference so it was convenient. However, over the years he has treated my son like rubbish and my daughter like a goddess. My daughter gets trips and presents and money whenever she clicks her fingers, my son gets nothing but a hard time. My ex also takes every opportunity to throw the knives at me. Now my son is 22 and he can't stand his father (surprise, surprise) but my daughter is daddy's little princess (even though he can't be bothered coming to see her). In the latest instalment the ex rang my son and abused him saying he should help pay for flights so my daughter can visit my ex!!! I kid you not, the kid who never received a thing should now help pay for his sisters latest spoils. Absolutely breaks my heart and enrages me. It's pointless me trying to speak to him, I gave that idea up about 4 years ago. But what concerns me is I'm worried the kids will grow apart because one gets everything and one gets nothing. After a good talk my daughter sees the injustice of it all but she's pretty reluctant to let go of daddy and I feel powerless. If it was just the knives at me I'd cope and ignore it all but it disgusts to me to the point I'm worried it will also affect my relationship with my daughter. At this stage I don't care how big or small a person it makes me I would refuse to attend any function that the ex is invited to, I would not be in the same room as someone who has treated my children so appallingly. My sons way of dealing with it all is saying, "I don't care" which of course is code for I do care but can't do anything about it. I'm about as far from forgiveness as it's possible to be but have to find some way of making my peace with the situation. Any replies gratefully received! Thanks
Yes, he absolutely is. And
Yes, he absolutely is. And luckily my son did tell him to go jump but I'm not sure why he even had to be put in that situation in the first place, just disgusts me. And I'm trying to keep the big picture in my head but I'm starting to worry about why my daughter is 'allowing' it and what that says about her. She's still a teenager so there is hope yet when she matures a bit and moves away from the typical selfish teenage stuff. I just hope it isn't too late for the relationship she has with her brother.
But thanks for the reply, it's always reassuring to know I'm not going nuts and this really is as appalling as I feel like it is!
Steamer, would YOU like me to
Steamer, would YOU like me to get Mildred to sit on your ex while Skeeter lays a steamer of his own on that stupid assmonkeys face?
I fed him beans and freaks with a can of corn ....}:)
Steamer, I get it. I totally
Steamer,
I get it. I totally get it. My Skid's (SS-21) SpermClan has been whining to him since he was in the low single digits that it is not fair that they have to pay CS, CS takes food out of his three younger also out of wedlock half sibs by two more mamas mouths, that my SS has nice things and the young SpermIdiot spawn don't.
They have never given a gift except for a Game Boy when he was about 6. Nothing. No birthday cards, no Christmas cards, never attended a single school event and did not even call to congradulate him when he graduated from HS much less attend. The would even take his nice shoes and clothes when he was on visitation and replace them with flea market crap so that they could horde his quality stuff for the three younger SpermIdiot spawned half sibs.
Guess what? When SS enlisted in the USAF it did not take long for the toothless morons to start pressuring him to help support his three younger half sibs. Fortunately he has not allowed them to guilt him in to taking on their responsibilities ..... at least so far.
I completely understand that you would not piss on your XH if he was on fire. I feel the same about every adult member of the SpermClan and sadly I am beginning to feel that way about at least one of the younger half sibs too.
However, I do not think that the situation with your XH and your son and daughter has to result in any loss of closeness between the three of you. Time for the facts. Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts and your DD needs them so she can gain clarity on her BioDad, her brother's feelings and actions and on your feelings and actions. I think you need to sit her down and lay out the facts while reassuring her that you, nor anyone else is suggesting that she cut her dad loose. I think you need to align with your son on this too and ask him to have a discussion with his sister giving his perspective and reassuring her that their relationship has nothing to do with their dad's behavior even though he (your son) will have nothing to do with him. Bro needs to sell Sis what dad is doing regarding the request for Bro to pay for the visitation travel along will all of the other facts of dad's behavior.
As I said. Facts are not ...........
IMHO.
Good luck.