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New here. Hoping to gain some insight on how to handle SD11 and her BM

sunkissedbum's picture

Submitted by sunkissedbum on Tue, 09/24/2013 - 4:31pm

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Parenting Issues

My husband and I keep his bd while his ex works, outside of his visitation schedule. The ex who has primary custody only has her 6 nights during the month because of her work schedule. The problem we are having is the ex complying with our request to have the sd here by 9:45 pm. We feel that she needs to be in bed by 10 on school nights (actually we would like for her to be in bed earlier) but this is what we are dealing with. The ex drops her off anywhere between 1030 to 1145 and totally goes against what we have asked. My husband told her last night that if his dd wasn't dropped off by 10 then she needs to make other plans for her. She shows up at 10:20 and my husband stands his ground and refuses to keep her hoping that she will comply with our requests, the ex then tries to drop her off at his mother's house who also refuses to keep her. She chose to shout at the top of her lungs profanities (in front of dd) and the entire neighborhood. How do we deal with this??

sunkissedbum's picture

Submitted by sunkissedbum on Wed, 09/25/2013 - 12:53pm

Smile Thank you so much for the reply! We have kept detailed records of when she stays, what time she is dropped off, even whether or not she has eaten dinner or bathed before 11:30 at night (which is more often not done before she gets to our house). I am just amazed how the BM creates so much drama when we simply ask that she drop the SD off by 9:45.

Choosing my battles's picture

Submitted by Choosing my battles on Thu, 09/26/2013 - 11:46am

I personally, wouldn't refuse to keep his daughter in your situation because it's not his daughter's fault regardless of who the cause of chaos is but she is the one suffering from lack of stability, routine and structure in her life. Before gaining emergency custody of my SD13 we had very similar situations over the past 6 years. We would make arrangements to pick her up (driving 1 1/2 hours) so we would be the ones ensuring she had her meals, bath and bedtime completed by an acceptable hour. I realize that by us doing this it was not teaching her BM any responsibility but it wasn't about her BM at all with us, we just wanted to make sure my SD was properly cared for. I wish your family the best of luck!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/09/2013 - 6:30am

Call 911 and report the threats and agressive behavior of BM. Once they haul her away in handcuffs then call CPS and also file an emergency custody motion. Once you have emergency custody then go for full legal and physical custody and BM can have visitation.

This little girl needs stability not a shreeking banshee late night crazy BM for a mother.

If BM can not have the child for 50%+1 over nights per month then she has no business being the custodial parent.

DH and you have to protect this child.

All IMHO of course.